Do your stepchildren have bedrooms as your house?

[Dinoswearunderpants]

DH and I live together in a four bedroom house. We have DS1 and he has his own room. We have our bedroom then that leaves two rooms for three step kids.

StepDS15 and has the small box room (double sofa bed). He has stayed over perhaps 2-5 nights this year in total. Typical teenager wanting to stay home with his friends.

StepDD9 and StepDD12 share a room. StepDD9 stays over EOWE. She always wants to stay and that's lovely. She has bunkbeds but has a desire to have a double bed.

StepDD12 again typical teenager and stays even less than StepDS.

This post isn't about how often they stay. There's nothing we can do to 'make' them stay more. They see Dad every week, but they never want to stay as it's an hour away from their friends.

I'd like to get a double bed for StepDD9. We could use it in her current room however that would mean if/when StepDD12 stays, they'd need to share a room.

I don't want StepDD12 to feel left out any more than she might do already (didn't take news our our baby well!).

I just feel so frustrated that StepDD9 who always stays, has to be stuck with a bed she doesn't want.

What are your thoughts please? And where do your Step Kids stay if they don't live with you.

You can get bunk beds that have a double on the bottom and a single on the top. Would that work? Or a pullout bed?

My DSCs have a room each here. DSD4 stays 50%. DSS15 and DSS16 rarely stay. 1. Because they prefer to be closer to their friends and 2. Because they're not allowed to smoke here. DSSs have different mums and DSS15 once said he hated staying with DPs ex who's his SM because he had to share a bed with his brother and didn't have his own space.

Even though they're rarely here we still feel it's important to have their own space and for this to feel like their home too. I know that's not always possible for everyone. Even though your DSDs rarely stay I think the option should still be there for them should they want to. But I also think that the DSD who does stay often has a bed she is comfortable with.

Can you replace the bunk bed with one that has a double on the bottom and a single on top? Then you haven’t completely removed the option for other DSD to stay.

Swapping to either a double with a single over would work, or the single beds that have a pull out bed underneath. They make up as either a double or 2 singles.
In answer to your question though, our SC had their own rooms until they didn't need them anymore - post university really. But they did live here 50% of the time, even as teens.

Why does she need a double bed? That just seems to add a level of complication. Surely 2 singles is better so SDD 12 has her own bed when she wants to start? I expect SDD9 will want to start less over the next few years too .

You need something like this. And then maybe get a bed tent on the top bunk so there’s a bit of privacy.
DSD doesn’t have a been room here, she bunks in with DS. It’s not ideal but the best we can manage at the minute.

why should dd9 get a double bed? Children dont just get double beds on a whim. I expect very few families have the space for children to get double beds. I know my children asked for them at one point, but I just said no, we dont have the space. It seems a silly shim to pander to, when the repercussions for her sister could be so hurtful

Yes, my SC have bedrooms at my house, just like my own DC have rooms. We both have 50/50 shared care.

I don't think it's a good idea to get her a double bed. As pp said lots of children might want one but that doesn't mean they need one. I know your intentions are good but I think this could cause jealousy and bad feeling. A single bed is absolutely fine.

One does, one doesn't. The eldest is 21 and in his 3rd year at uni with a room at his mum's house about 4 miles away from us. I turned his bedroom into my office just over a year ago. Got lots of grief for it on here but hey ho. I'm not keeping a room free for 98% of the year when I WFH full time and need the space.

A child of 9 doesn't need a double bed. My DDs didn't get double beds until they were seriously dating in their early 20s!

I think she has a double bed at home so is used to the space.

I like the idea of those double at bottom beds so might look for one of those.

Are you planning on any more children? Just ask as where would that child go?

DSDs are 25 and 23 - one has her own flat and the other lives between Uni and her Mums, even at their age we still have a sort of second living room with two sofa beds / TV etc that is theirs - if they are both here then they have a bed each, if just one is here then they have a sofa and a bed.

The double bed with bunk looks like a good compromise.

Could the bunkbed go in the box room and your youngest dsd have the sofa bed? The girls could even sleep in the boxroom if they all stay, but otherwise she can keep her normal bedroom and have her double bed.

Ds12 has a double bed with a single bunk bed on the top

My DSC share a room. They complain. They have doubles and their own rooms at mums. But tough. We aren't made of money.

If StepDS15 rarely stays, why can’t she use that bed?

A 9 yo doesn't need a double bed. A good life lesson to accept what you have that is perfectly adequate..

Yes they have bedrooms!

I’d probably give it the box room which the ds is currently using approx two nights a year.

Our child has their own room and two DSC share a room. They'd like a room each but we don't have rooms for everyone so that seemed fairest with our DC living here all the time and DSC not.

I would too personally. I wouldn't hold off expanding my family if I wanted to so that I could keep a room free for a 15 year old to visit twice a year. If and when he wants to come again he can sleep on a sofa bed or something like that.

I wish! Sadly my limit is one. Always dreamed of two but I know financially we can't do it.

I was thinking that as an option. If they all stay, girls in the box room then StepDS on the sofa bed. Even the girls could share the sofa bed if they want to but I doubt they'd want to be that close.

Mine share a room here but have their own rooms at their mums. We have less bedrooms so it's just the way things are!