The baby behavior is driving me nuts!!

[Ohheckethump]

NC as DP knows I am on MN and I just want to rant and not hurt his feelings or upset him.

DSD is a month off 14. She is a lovely girl very sweet natured and in someways mature but in other ways she is very babyish.

The babyish behaviour does not appear often but when it does it really grates on me. I have my own DD who is 16 so I have experience of teenage girls and my DD is not an only child but DSD is so I wonder if that is a factor.

The behaviour is a combination of talking like a baby so saying "dada" alot and generally talking in a baby voice/manner. Being very physical in order to get attention so skipping, jumping and dancing around the room in a look at me way when the adults are having a conversation. Wanting her Teddy Bears bringing from her room and taking over one sofa so that everyone has to sit on the other sofa.

We had visitors last week and they brought their 4 yo DD and it seemed like DSD was in competition with the 4 yo for attention so the baby behaviour was ramped up along with the skipping, dancing and random story telling of friends at school.

That same weekend DP had a 10 minute nap on the sofa and DSD knew he had nodded off we were only watching a movie (DSDs choice) so he wasn't missing much and DSD decided to do a very over the top very loud sneeze which obviously woke him up.

I do like DSD alot and she seems to like me as she chooses to do activities with me and spend time with me. I know that this is probably due mine and DPs relationship becoming more serious so I am not blaming her I just wanted to get it off my chest as I am struggling to contain my eye rolls at the moment!!!

It sounds quite annoying. Maybe it's worth trying to address the root cause of it. Like if she's doing it for attention maybe her dad can make an effort to give her that special one on one attention but in a less babyish way, so maybe he could take her out on her own for dinner in a restaurant of her choice or take her to do an activity of her choosing.

Can you go out and just leave her to it?

how long have you been together?

Blank it. All the time. Show her love etc. but when the baby antics come out - completely ignore. She wants attention so even if you explode at her and tell her to stop it, it's rewarding the behaviour. She's trying to control things by playing on her connection with her dad (ie. "I'm his baby and he loves me"), which isn't unusual. Just have to grit your teeth through it! Easier said than done though.

Thank you for replying.

We have been together 2 years in January and I have been around DSD for a year.

We don't live together so DP does spend quality time with DSD and it's not always easy for me to go out when the baby behaviour starts for example it was when we had guests or its in the evening or randomlywhile we are eating our meal.
I have noticed that when my DD is with us usually once a month overnight DSD doesn't do the baby behaviour and acts more mature.

Do you think she's scared of losing her dad? Maybe she thinks if she acts like a child he will be there for her more. She could be feeling sad and scared. 😪

If you don't live together surely she isn't really your step daughter. She is your partner's child. She is probably wanting more time with her dad. Are you there all the time that she is with her dad?

She is your partner's child. She is probably wanting more time with her dad. Are you there all the time that she is with her dad?

Agreed I just used DSD as its easier. I stay over but only crossover with DSD 3 out of the 8 days DP has her over 2 weeks.
We are looking to move in together mid next year.

She still won't be your step daughter until you marry

She still won't be your step daughter until you marry

Again I agree however for ease DSD is easier than typing partners daughter.

Do you think she's scared of losing her dad? Maybe she thinks if she acts like a child he will be there for her more. She could be feeling sad and scared.

More than likely which is why I am ignoring it, I just needed to say out loud how grating the baby behaviour is. He is there for her and is a active hands on dad which is one of the qualities I am attracted to.

@MissMaple82

how is being a pedantic twerp helping the OP??

@Ohheckethump ignore the twattery of the posters being twats.

What does DP think about it?

I would suggest he has a chat with her, explaining she needs to act the age she is, not like she's 14 months. Tell her she's old enough to 'use her words' to ask for what she wants from her Dad & others.

try to ignore the behaviour yourself, but give your DP the raised eyebrow, when he's not telling her to pack it in.

Ignore the pedants, so boring.

What’s DP’s reaction to it? Does he notice? Pander to it find it annoying? It sounds like insecurity and while understandably grating I agree with just ignoring it. Doing it in front of guests is very odd and interesting it ramped up in the presence of a young child but disappears around your DD.

It does sound annoying but regressing seems to be something girls do to keep a connection with non resident dads, especially when a step mother figure is on the scene.

It's not being pedantic, she is the OP's boyfriend's daughter, but agree that the shorthand is easier. Maybe OP should have put 'My boyfriend's daughter (DSD) ' in the OP.

I did address it in my second post Whopping and I really don't see how it makes a difference as my post is about DSDs behaviour. Does how I refer to her matter given what my OP is about?

DP is aware he does not encourage it and will say "speak properly DSD" when she uses baby voice to talk to him but not all the time especially when we have company as I think he finds it embarrassing so just ignores it.

You did, and I was aware of it.
You are doing the right thing in seeking a solution here.

Oh fgs can people please stop with the “she’s not your step daughter” bullshit. This whole site is rife with acronyms, and there’s always someone saying “he’s not your DP, he’s your boyfriend” or “if you’re not married she’s not your DSD”. It’s so tedious.

OP I don’t know the best way to deal with this. I was in your position for 9 years (didn’t marry so obviously or as just dad’s GF 🙄) and it was so annoying. You could see the switch from moody teen to simpering baby as soon as she wanted something. Ugh. Glad to be out of it tbh.

So have you got one - aside from being picky about OP’s choice of acronym?

She's just a little girl really at 13 and sounds insecure about the relationship with dad. Kids aren't stupid - on some level she's doing this to remind him of his parental responsibilities and that she still needs him. My heart goes out to her. Dad has to step up to reassure her. He could tell her that he's noticed a difference in her behaviour and of course she'll always be his baby. He will always love her and would never leave her because she is his precious child. Sounds sappy but needs to be spelt out.

Its great you like her and get on well. You sound sensible so this probably doesn't need to be said but don't let this become a f*cked up contest about who he loves more. She's just a hurting little kid.

@SteveHarringtonsChestHair , I was being pedantic about the accusations of posters being pedantic.
I don't have a DSD because I am not married to man who has a daughter.

That’s awful behaviour from a girl that age. Have you tried talking to her about it, gently? “DSD, you’re a lovely girl and you’re nearly 14. This thing you’re doing is what very young children do. It isn’t very nice. Why are you doing it?”
Giving teddies priority over people for sitting on the sofa is really silly and I would absolutely not allow that.

It's not awful behaviour and it's not her place to talk to her about it. Not very nice of is a phrase we use for unkind behaviour. We don't know where this behaviour is coming from but you're out of line to describe it in those terms, especially to a child who isn't yours. That's not gentle, it's manipulative and really.... Not very nice.

Its great you like her and get on well. You sound sensible so this probably doesn't need to be said but don't let this become a fcked up contest about who he loves more. She's just a hurting little kid.*

Oh god no!
I am an actual stepmum have been for 22 years but they are boys and in their 30s now so the baby behaviour was never a thing I have not had a DSD ( not DSD) before so it's new territory.

I am very conscious of my position and do not involve myself in parenting at all. My view is I parent my own DC its not my job to parent yours.
DP spends time with my DD and he does notice the maturity difference and worries why his DD is regressing.
When she does the baby behaviour he does tend to look at me for my reaction. I try not to eye roll...but I can't help it.

You've not been together long though so this sort of behaviour doesn't surprise me. Do you have to be around quite so much when she is if you don't live together? Maybe cut down to seeing her once a week and give them time together