The baby behavior is driving me nuts!!

[Ohheckethump]

NC as DP knows I am on MN and I just want to rant and not hurt his feelings or upset him.

DSD is a month off 14. She is a lovely girl very sweet natured and in someways mature but in other ways she is very babyish.

The babyish behaviour does not appear often but when it does it really grates on me. I have my own DD who is 16 so I have experience of teenage girls and my DD is not an only child but DSD is so I wonder if that is a factor.

The behaviour is a combination of talking like a baby so saying "dada" alot and generally talking in a baby voice/manner. Being very physical in order to get attention so skipping, jumping and dancing around the room in a look at me way when the adults are having a conversation. Wanting her Teddy Bears bringing from her room and taking over one sofa so that everyone has to sit on the other sofa.

We had visitors last week and they brought their 4 yo DD and it seemed like DSD was in competition with the 4 yo for attention so the baby behaviour was ramped up along with the skipping, dancing and random story telling of friends at school.

That same weekend DP had a 10 minute nap on the sofa and DSD knew he had nodded off we were only watching a movie (DSDs choice) so he wasn't missing much and DSD decided to do a very over the top very loud sneeze which obviously woke him up.

I do like DSD alot and she seems to like me as she chooses to do activities with me and spend time with me. I know that this is probably due mine and DPs relationship becoming more serious so I am not blaming her I just wanted to get it off my chest as I am struggling to contain my eye rolls at the moment!!!

So pedantic

You've not been together long though so this sort of behaviour doesn't surprise me. Do you have to be around quite so much when she is if you don't live together? Maybe cut down to seeing her once a week and give them time together

We have been together 2 years and I am only there 3 days out of 8 so DSD has 5 dad days. We are looking to move in togethet in the summer so I will be around all the time. Is that really too soon? We are 44 and 45 years old.

@alasangne , it's not being pedantic. The dynamic will be different because the OP is 'dad's relatively new gf', not someone who lives in dad's house etc.

It’s not too soon, as long as you think she’s not going to ramp up the daft behaviour and more importantly that you feel he’s handling it rather than just planning to pander and eye roll in helplessness. That’ll drive you insane. Will your DD be living with you, DP and DSD too? How’s she going to feel about living with a 15 or 16 year old who might still want to turf people off the soft furnishings in favour of teddy bears when she’s 18?

I think if you don't have the ability to be kind and have patience with a teenage girl whose life and feelings of security is changing just as she is flooded with hormones then you shouldn't be moving in with her dad

But I'm sure you will

My DH's ex has a partner who she doesnt live with full time, both have kids and they refer to the partner as a stepparent. No marriage involved. Stepparent doesn't always mean married these days it's more a state of being.

I was once told I was being "cold" for refereeing dp's daughters as dp's daughters. Apparently it showed that I didn't care for them....

I guess this is another thing that we can't win on!

is 'dad's relatively new gf

No I am not new gf.

We are 2 years in. We are In our 40s. I am not new gf and frankly a child does not get to dictate that.
I am hoping that DSD will feel more settled once "we" become everyday normal life. I have explained to DP that I value time with my own DD and he should do the same. While I accept child parent time is important I also know group/family time and adult time is too.

I did say relatively.
You are doing everything fine, OP. It's for your DP to deal with.

My grown up DD's calm their dad papa (call me mama) what's wrong with dada? The teddies seem young but does she have an undiagnosed learning disability?

Whopping it seems like you will find a problem with me no matter what.
First it was my use of DSD despite me explaining why and now it seems my relationship is not long enough in your eyes?
I am a relatively a new girlfriend...what does that even mean?

what's wrong with dada?

She normally calls him dad and dada is said in a baby voice. It's hard to explain the way it's said but think a toddle saying dada...its da..da in a squeaky voice.

Christ this thread is depressing with people being so pedantic about the titles and suggesting two years is a new relationship.
My DSD is a similar age and although her behaviours are different they are equally irritating and about getting attention; we tend to ignore the behaviours as much as possible while also making sure she does have attention at other times. With the sofa thing just say no she needs to share it.
In terms of her doing it around other people again I’d say ignore and if you’re close enough to them perhaps explain in advance or her dad has a chat with her before about how you behave around guests

I got engaged after 2 years it's not "New " at all or even relatively new if anything it's getting up to decision making about the future time.

Fuck me, the same old boring pedantic bastards rock up on every single thread with a stepmother in it.

@Ohheckethump no I don't suppose it is!

I think - on balance - this issue is really going to raise its head once you're living together so it's worth trying to iron it out once and for all

I suspect that ignoring some of the silly behaviour is the way forward and immediately acknowledging her and fully engaging when she speaks normally.

I was going to comment and say you were being completely unreasonable... but at first glance I thought you said 14 months.
Not 14 years.
I think you should try and ignore the baby talk and dancing around to get attention OP.
She maybe feeling threatened that another woman will be living with her dad in the near future, but she's old enough to know that her dad is entitled to have a life

If you post on this board it's expected Here.

I am thankful that most affirmed my stance of ignore mostly, promote dad and DD time and hope it gets better as time goes on.

As I say DSD really is a lovely girl and when it's just us she doesn't do this it's only around her dad. I do ignore it and sort of get why it's just I needed to say out loud as it were how much the baby behaviour annoys me!

The notion that someone isn’t a partner but a boyfriend because you don’t live together is hillarious. So you could meet a bloke in a pub, go home together and shack up together the next week and he’d be your partner, but my partner of nearly ten years who doesn’t live with me is apparently just a boyfriend. How pathetic.

My partner doesn’t live with me but I only recently discovered that my ds refers to him as his stepdad. My ex’s partner does live with him, and he refers to her as his stepmom, even though they don’t even really have a relationship.

OP, people are quick to assume that your DSD is acting up because you’re there, but has your dp mentioned at all what she’s like when she’s with him on his own? Bearing in mind she acted up when you had visitors it really doesn’t sound like a behaviour based purely on her insecurities around your presence in her dad’s life.

Tricky one - if she lives full time with DP then it sounds like she gets lots of time with him. Is her mum not around at all?

I think your plan to ignore is best for now. But some things, such as the teddies commandeering the sofa need to be shut down straight away.

And, yes, ignore the goady posters.

So the baby behaviour came as a shock to me as it was many days of contact with DSD before I witnessed it but I had to point it out to DP which makes me thinks its something she has always done?
When I first mentioned it he was defensive so I left it then he spent time with my DD and he then brought up how mature she was for her age. I pointed out she isn't really she just doesn't talk like a baby when she wants my attention.
He does get it and when she does it he does "pull her up" but I think he wouldn't if I wasn't there.

I did this my DF was resident parent and my DM was abusive. I didn't like things changing as dad had a new partner. I grew out of it as your DSD will. Be patient and give it time.

Agreed @alasangne

It seems some people haven't heard of civil partnerships and the words "de facto".....

@Ohheckethump , I wasn't finding anything wrong with you. I said you were doing the right thing in asking here.

This would grate on my nerves OP
on the plus side your DP pulls her up on it
mine would (& does) just totally pander to it and encourage it, similar ish circs but it’s all the time (even buying baby food in shops) - I’ve given up I just get more and more wound up by it but ignore it now