Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

Should I just keep out of it??

50 replies

ItsTheSmallThings · 02/12/2022 06:53

DH and DSD's mum have had a row and now not speaking to each other.

I've told DH to stop being so pathetic and that He HAS to speak to her. He refused.

I made him contact her yesterday however as DSD needs new shoes and i needed her shoe size as I'm going shopping with DD today so can get both pairs at the same time. Mum didn't answer.

This now leaves me in a position as I'm the one that does school pick up and drop offs during our weekends with her. I'm not sure after their row if contact is even still the same. What happens if there are any changes with DSD such as sickness from school, after school party?? I feel I need to know these things.

Should I try to contact mum direct, or should I just stay out of it and collect as normal, hoping there have been no changes.

OP posts:
HandbagsnGladrags · 02/12/2022 07:10

How can you not know her shoe size without contacting the mum? Just look at the size on her existing shoes.

GrazingSheep · 02/12/2022 07:12

Does her father not know her shoe size?
And it’s ridiculous that they are not communicating about their child.

GrazingSheep · 02/12/2022 07:13

And will you not get both children’s feet measured?

FawnFrenchieMum · 02/12/2022 07:19

Stay out of it and collect as normal.

Original poster
ItsTheSmallThings · 02/12/2022 07:20

We have an idea of shoe sizes from her shoes already here, but just wanted to make sure so they are comfy for her.

I keep telling him it's ridiculous, but they are both being childish and stubborn atm.

OP posts:
liarliarshortsonfire · 02/12/2022 07:20

If you're taking her shoe shopping just get her feet measured

Sometimes it's better the parents don't talk to each other unless absolutely necessary

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 02/12/2022 07:22

OP said she's shopping with her DD not her DSD and will buy shoes for both girls since she's there. So unless she manages to take DSDs foot with her, I can't see how she can measure it

arethereanyleftatall · 02/12/2022 07:23

You're worrying/making a drama about things that might not happen. Do everything as normal unless you hear otherwise. Clarks for shoe size if using existing shoes/asking child herself can't be used.

Needtoseethatbiggerpicture · 02/12/2022 07:25

Are you trying to buy shoes for a child that isn’t with you? That really isn’t a sensible idea.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 02/12/2022 07:26

arethereanyleftatall · 02/12/2022 07:23

You're worrying/making a drama about things that might not happen. Do everything as normal unless you hear otherwise. Clarks for shoe size if using existing shoes/asking child herself can't be used.

What are Clarks going to do? Guess the shoe size based on the old one?

Original poster
ItsTheSmallThings · 02/12/2022 07:29

DSD is ASD so doesn't tolerate busy shopping centres, and the only time i could take her is on the weekend, where it would be really busy.

She's also at the inbetween age where she's not old enough for a phone (otherwise I would just phone her) but is too old for clarks and wants more designer trainers.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 02/12/2022 07:29

She can't have designer trainers until the grown ups grow up

Theunamedcat · 02/12/2022 07:30

HandbagsnGladrags · 02/12/2022 07:10

How can you not know her shoe size without contacting the mum? Just look at the size on her existing shoes.

Really easy not to know someone's shoe size

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 02/12/2022 07:31

Theunamedcat · 02/12/2022 07:29

She can't have designer trainers until the grown ups grow up

It's not her nor is it OPs fault the mum and dad are fighting. Why should the child suffer and why shouldn't OP buy her DSD something she wants?

Snnowflake · 02/12/2022 07:31

Just concentrate on the poor child. Be kind and positive and don't let this scrapping affect her.

Rocksludge · 02/12/2022 07:32

I also don’t understand the asking for her show size. Just take DSD to get shoes when she’s next with you. That way you can get ones that fit and she can get some say in choosing the ones she wants.

why do you need to know the details or parties after school or sickness if you’re not picking her up (just at the weekends)?

If your DH has fallen out with his ex, then he needs to sort that out - especially if he’s not sure contact is staying the same as a result. It’s not your job to fix his mess.

Doidontimmm · 02/12/2022 07:32

Just leave your DH to sort the shoes. As a mum I’d be pissed off if my ex was texting me asking his own daughters shoe size!

Lkydfju · 02/12/2022 07:33

From experience I’d keep out of it; you don’t want to be in the middle of an argument or end up doing all the communicating.
I have to laugh at the comments about not knowing her shoe size as I have to double check my own children’s shoes for theirs as it changes so much that I forget

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 02/12/2022 07:34

Op ring the mum again. Just ignore their drama. If she won't answer leave a message or a text saying that you just was DSDs shoe size to get her the trainers and that you need it before what ever time you're planning on going. If she doesn't get back to you then just leave it. You've tried your best and one of them will need to get the shoes.

Stick to all plans as normal, collect as you would, act as you would etc.

It's the child who'll feel the punishment if she's kept away from one side of her family. Remind them both (if they start doing that) to put the child first

youagainomg · 02/12/2022 07:34

If you and the ex get on I would contact her directly. If you don't want to do that wait until you have DSD next and order some trainers online.

Original poster
ItsTheSmallThings · 02/12/2022 07:36

I don't even know my own daughters shoe size, I have an idea but her feet grow so can't be 100% sure. I'll take her to be measured today but as I said previously DSD does not tolerate shopping. She's at the age though she can tell me if a shoe fits or if it's comfortable.

May have to guess and just keep the receipt.

I pick her up on Fridays from school and drop her off on Mondays.

OP posts:
SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 02/12/2022 07:37

Rocksludge · 02/12/2022 07:32

I also don’t understand the asking for her show size. Just take DSD to get shoes when she’s next with you. That way you can get ones that fit and she can get some say in choosing the ones she wants.

why do you need to know the details or parties after school or sickness if you’re not picking her up (just at the weekends)?

If your DH has fallen out with his ex, then he needs to sort that out - especially if he’s not sure contact is staying the same as a result. It’s not your job to fix his mess.

Ops already going to the shops with her DD so two birds one stone! Plus the DSD can't go today as is at school and can't cope with busy environments so OP can't really drag her in on the weekend.

Rocksludge · 02/12/2022 07:37

I don’t understand how you could possibly buy shoes for her. Especially if she’s got opinions about what kind of trainers she wants.

If you go as soon as the shops open, they’ll be quiet. Even on a Saturday in December.

But, actually, her dad needs to grow up and make arrangements himself. Without fighting with his ex.

Original poster
ItsTheSmallThings · 02/12/2022 07:37

youagainomg · 02/12/2022 07:34

If you and the ex get on I would contact her directly. If you don't want to do that wait until you have DSD next and order some trainers online.

We get on fine but never had to contact each other directly as she just contacts DH.

OP posts:
Doidontimmm · 02/12/2022 07:39

Just order various sizes online for her to try at home? Stop pestering the mum, she probably doesn’t know either if she won’t get measured!

Swipe left for the next trending thread