Rock & a hard place

[Pamela1979]

I’m new here but need advice..genuinely
My step daughter lives with myself & husband (her father) along with her 2 sisters. She has regular contact with her Mum however it’s been more sporadic last few months. My dilemma is this..we have never asked for child support as her mum wasn’t in position to provide it & we felt that time was more important but now she is older everything costs so much more so we have asked for a contribution which has been met with absolute vitriol, I don’t know whether to apply for it via maintenance service or just leave it..any advice using service is welcome

Cannot believe some of the responses, of course she needs to pay. It's her child , just because she's a woman doesn't give her the right to not financially support her child.

I'd go through the CMS, unless I was seriously concerned it was going to mean she would fight for custody. Unless the money is really needed.

That's the same advice I'd give a mum or dad in this situation.

CMS - the amount may be irrelevant but it is the principle - she is responsible for the cost of her child. Same advice for a man and a woman.

@chickidychick it’s not DSD who misses out on that though as we don’t spend £30 less on her because we don’t get it; essentially DH and I just spend less on ourselves.
For our personal situation the amount of guilt that would be placed on DSD by her mum makes it not worth it as she already makes DSD feel bad that she doesn’t get the same benefits now she doesn’t live there (totally missing the point of what that money was for obvs) and she’d make it clear that her other DC is going without again putting guilt on DSD that she doesn’t need. I’m not saying the OP shouldn’t go through CMS as of course mums should pay as dads also should but that was the decision made by us.

For our personal situation the amount of guilt that would be placed on DSD by her mum makes it not worth it as she already makes DSD feel bad that she doesn’t get the same benefits now she doesn’t live there

This is absolutely terrible! Your poor DSD.

Exactly this. Why not,because she is mum? Whats the difference?
I would go via CMS. Don't waste money on legal advice

If this was a woman saying "my ex is refusing to pay maintenence" then ever single person responding would call them a deadbeat and tell the poster to take her ex to cms. The hypocrisy from some posters is amazing now it's a woman refusing to pay.

Take her to the cms OP. She is non resident parent and should be paying for her child. Just like any non resident male parent should.

Sounds like a deadbeat mum.

Take her to CMS - and she can take her bitching elsewhere

Would say the same about a dad tbf.

Why wouldn't you apply for maintenance if dp is the resident parent???

Quite. Go to the CMS. Disappointing that people seem
to think it’s a hard one… why would it be any different because she’s a woman? You can have deadbeat mums as well as dads.

This.

Not sure why you are being asked about the financial settlement or being advised to seek legal advice. None of that is relevant.

As some PP have said, if this was an RP mum with an NRP dad then every answer would be very short and clear - go to CMS if ex refuses to come to a private arrangement.