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Original poster

Is my partner being unfair to my children

39 replies

mandy20256 · 30/10/2022 19:45

So long story short my ex(my children’s dad) has caused lots of problems. He’s a bully and it’s resulted it me having to block him. My birthday is coming up and my girls have just come back from their dads. With a birthday present from them which their dad has obviously paid for.
My partner now is very angry and hasn’t said a word to anyone. I have asked him what is wrong and he is angry that they have a present from him.
Is he being unreasonable? Tia

OP posts:
RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 30/10/2022 19:46

Yes he is

Toddlerteaplease · 30/10/2022 19:48

Yep, not really sure why he has a problem with that. He doesn't sound much better than your Ex.

GrazingSheep · 30/10/2022 19:49

I feel sorry for your children.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 30/10/2022 19:49

You new partner is the one now causing problems. You have swapped one arse for another.

RewildingAmbridge · 30/10/2022 19:49

Sounds like you have a type unfortunately. Yes of course he is being unreasonable. It's appropriate for one parent of the children to support them in getting a present for the other, regardless of relationship status

GrazingSheep · 30/10/2022 19:50

They seem to have gone from having to endure one abusive man in their lives to another one and they have no choice in the matter.

roarfeckingroarr · 30/10/2022 19:51

Yes of course he's unreasonable.

It's what decent parents do... help their kids get a present for the other parent.

Bananalanacake · 30/10/2022 21:04

How long were you together when he moved in. If he didn't live with you then he wouldn't know if you get a present from anyone, wouldn't life be so much better without him getting angry at pointless shit.

pictish · 30/10/2022 21:08

Yes he’s being unreasonable. Tell him to mind his own business.

DinaofCloud9 · 30/10/2022 21:09

He's being very unreasonable. Surely you must be able to see this?

AuntieDickhead · 30/10/2022 21:16

Of course he's being unreasonable

itmustbemyage · 30/10/2022 21:18

I expect your girls wanted to get you a present, quite normal I would think, being kids they can’t do it themselves so asked their dad. In spite of him being a “difficult” ex he helped for their sake not for your sake at all. Your DP needs to butt out he’s spoiled it for your girls as well, I bet they were excited to give you the gift and now you’ll have to hide it away so your DP doesn’t get a gob on. It’s going to be the first of many strops from your DP I guess?
Better to put your gift on proud display and bin your DP.

MeridianB · 30/10/2022 21:22

Your current partner is being very unreasonable! Please tell us he’s not saying mean things about the gift or your ex in front of your DDs?!

caringcarer · 30/10/2022 21:24

Not very good at picking keepers OP.

yikesanotherbooboo · 30/10/2022 21:28

He is wildly unreasonable.

harryclr · 30/10/2022 21:57

I dont think its unreasonable to feel awkward or triggered that the ex has got their ex a present 'from the kids'. Its not something that normally happens with exs is it...esp if op has stated said ex is a knob.

I dont like it if anything comes back from the exs house, its not needed. The partner/step parent or even grandparents can help the kids het a pressie seeing as they're in the relationship.

He doesnt need to be obvious but his feelings are valid

KateMcCallister · 30/10/2022 21:58

You've swapped like for like.

KateMcCallister · 30/10/2022 22:00

@harryclr the ex, no matter how he feels about his ex partner, has helped their children get their mum a present for her birthday. That's normal behaviour.

AnnapurnaSanctuary · 30/10/2022 22:01

Yes he is.

LeavesOnTrees · 30/10/2022 22:03

Yes he is being unreasonable.
Does he act like this often ?

KateMcCallister · 30/10/2022 22:05

Also, just to make sure there's no wild back story and they've bought you a horses head or something but @mandy20256 the gift isn't from him... it's from your kids.

MuggleMe · 30/10/2022 22:07

Hmm, not sure depending on background but most probably unreasonable. Was dp looking forward to buying something with them, do you have a complex relationship with your ex that might make do think he's trying to get back with you or undermine dp? How long have you been with dp?

Mentionitis01 · 30/10/2022 22:11

harryclr · 30/10/2022 21:57

I dont think its unreasonable to feel awkward or triggered that the ex has got their ex a present 'from the kids'. Its not something that normally happens with exs is it...esp if op has stated said ex is a knob.

I dont like it if anything comes back from the exs house, its not needed. The partner/step parent or even grandparents can help the kids het a pressie seeing as they're in the relationship.

He doesnt need to be obvious but his feelings are valid

anyone with this kind of attitude has no place getting involved with someone who has children.

When you get together with a parent you have to accept that those children have another parent, and that there will come times when that other parent plays a part in parts of life which will affect your household, such as buying presents from the kids to their parent.

If you can’t handle that, or if you feel you have the right to be upset about that then you shouldn’t be involved with someone with kids.

OP, your partner is unreasonable. Get rid.

itmustbemyage · 30/10/2022 22:12

@harryclr my son helped his daughter get a birthday gift, Christmas gift and Mother’s Day card for his ex for a year or so till his ex got a lovely new partner who didn’t throw a strop at the mere existence of my son. Her new partner took over the role of helping with gift buying after he was well established in my granddaughter’s life.
My son is not an arse to his ex but I don’t think this should make any difference in the case of kids wanting to get their mum a gift.

Mentionitis01 · 30/10/2022 22:18

My ex has one of these. I took my dc out to buy presents for their dad and also for her and her own dd because ex wasn’t available to do it and his partner would never have taken them out to do it.

They then informed me that ex’s partner was very upset that I had been involved in the gift giving and had actually cried and ex said it wasn’t appropriate.

So the next year I didn’t bother. And then she was upset that dc, who were too young to g out themselves, hadn’t bought them anything.

DC are now NC with her and have a relationship with their father outside of his home.