Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Is my partner being unfair to my children

39 replies

mandy20256 · 30/10/2022 19:45

So long story short my ex(my children’s dad) has caused lots of problems. He’s a bully and it’s resulted it me having to block him. My birthday is coming up and my girls have just come back from their dads. With a birthday present from them which their dad has obviously paid for.
My partner now is very angry and hasn’t said a word to anyone. I have asked him what is wrong and he is angry that they have a present from him.
Is he being unreasonable? Tia

OP posts:

healthadvice123 · 30/10/2022 22:22

Yes because its from the kids yes ex has paid for it but hes actually done something from the kids

slowquickstep · 30/10/2022 22:28

harryclr · 30/10/2022 21:57

I dont think its unreasonable to feel awkward or triggered that the ex has got their ex a present 'from the kids'. Its not something that normally happens with exs is it...esp if op has stated said ex is a knob.

I dont like it if anything comes back from the exs house, its not needed. The partner/step parent or even grandparents can help the kids het a pressie seeing as they're in the relationship.

He doesnt need to be obvious but his feelings are valid

"Triggered" FFS the man is supposed to be a grown adult. If he can't cope with that he has no business being in a relationship especially one that involves children.

harryclr · 30/10/2022 23:51

He shouldnt be obvious infront of the children but he is entitled to find it awkward - you cant dismiss someones feelings - esp in step parenting because its so complex. Dismissing the way people feel leads to break downs and break ups.

Perhaps he wanted to pick out a gift with them.

Shiningsilverargent · 31/10/2022 07:06

I dont like it if anything comes back from the exs house, its not needed. The partner/step parent or even grandparents can help the kids het a pressie seeing as they're in the relationship

ermmm….it’s about the kids, not the ex. My poor kids didn’t get me a present one year because I am an only child and my parents are long gone. I don’t have a new partner. I couldn’t have cared less but it was tough on my children and ultimately, we found creative ways of sorting it so really, my ex just cut off his nose to spite his face because it wasn’t me that came out of it looking bad.

think a bit.

EvieJeanBengal · 31/10/2022 08:59

WOW. That’s so unfair on your kids to have to put up with Cruella

Riverlee · 31/10/2022 09:02

As partner explained why he is angry? Because if you know the reason, you can reassure him.

Does he think ex is overstepping the mark - he’s an ex? Is partner jealous of ex? Does partner think that you shouldn’t have a good relationship with ex, especially what he’s done? Did he want to buy the dc’s present for you (he can still do this)?

How long have you been with partner?

PeekAtYou · 31/10/2022 09:06

He's being unfair to you, your kids and ex. It sounds like you swapped one knob for another.

Unless the kids came back with sexy lingerie that they didn't pick, your ex simply did what I did too. I supported my kids buying gifts for their dad. It gave me pleasure to see their excitement about picking, wrapping and giving their present.

SandyY2K · 01/11/2022 22:30

If someone is this level of insecure, then they shouldn't get involved with someone who has an Ex that they will need to remain in contact with.

It's a gift he helped the kids to buy for you FROM THEM. Not from your EX.

Your ExH did a decent thing. If it makes a stepparent uncomfortable, then they need to keep it to themsek6 and see it as THEIR issue....not something to dump on your partner and cause unnecessary stress.

pastabakeonaplate · 02/11/2022 11:29

Unless it's something obviously romantic in nature then he is being a dick. Your ex has helped as your child's parent. I'd leave him tbh it doesn't sound like he's cut out for step parenting.

Yesthatismychildsigh · 02/11/2022 11:32

You need to put your children first and stop subjecting them to these types of men. Get rid of him, do the freedom project, stay single if you can’t pick wisely. Your poor kids.

Original poster

mandy20256 · 02/11/2022 18:33

Thank you for all your replies. Me and my new partner have been together 3 years. I feel like this needs explaining a bit more.
my ex partner is not a good dad, he doesn’t put my children first unless it benefits him. He has been abusive and threatening to me and my partner now. So yes I think my partner is being unreasonable and we have now discussed this and I will always put my children first.

OP posts:

coodawoodashooda · 02/11/2022 18:34

Toddlerteaplease · 30/10/2022 19:48

Yep, not really sure why he has a problem with that. He doesn't sound much better than your Ex.

I agree.

Googlecanthelpme · 02/11/2022 19:35

I’m clearly going against the grain here but I think your partner is reasonable to be a bit miffed about this.
He clearly has insight into who your ex is, what type of person he is. And you say your partner has also been subject to your exs nasty behaviour too.
So on that basis of course he’s gonna raise eyebrows at this sudden “turn” - your ex has history of being manipulative I assume? Based on what you’ve said about the abuse?

If this was me I would also raise an eyebrow that the abusive ex was now finding a new way to retain a level of control or visibility in your home.

However I would keep this opinion private to myself until the kids were well out of earshot. I would not let them know I thought it a new method of manipulation.
So if your DP hasn’t kept this from the kids then for that he’s unreasonable.

but I dont find him wholly unreasonable for his feelings.

I have a manipulative ex in my life and they don’t do anything nice, from the goodness of their heart. Everything is calculated. Including everything they do / say around kids.

NukaColaQuantum · 02/11/2022 19:36

Sounds like your new partner is a bully too.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread