My boyfriends ex family holiday advice

[Neurodiversemum]

Hello

I’m just looking for some advice
my boyfriends family have invited us all on holiday we have been together 3 years and we both have kids from previous relationships.

his ex has also been invited last night and she has a great relationship with his family as they were together 10 years I’ve only met them 2 times and I’ve only met her once. He told me I have 18mths to save up 7.5k to come on the holiday or he will just be going with his family and his ex his kids mum .

Now it’s not that I’m against a blended holiday but the way he told me was pretty shitty and I’m not sure I want to pay 7.5k for a awkward holiday plus spending holiday and that like he’s going anyway and it seemed like it doesn’t matter how I feel .

So I told him how I felt and that we should of discussed it rather than just telling me what we are doing , and he should at least understand it would be not easy and I’m not sure I would actually be comfortable continuing in a relationship where I was just dismissed he said no it’s perfectly normal to have holidays like this and I’m the only one making it an issue . For context I said my ex has Invited us and the kids to France where he lives and my boyfriend has said no that’s it’s completely different anyway after about 30 mins I worked things out in my head and said if I can afford to go then I will come along and be civil for the kids and he offered to pay for one of my children so I thought ok that’s sorted

This morning he woke up and he isn’t talking to me He told me i’m a control freak and i think I’m the world ruler

I feel like my feelings are justified

Am I in the wrong ?

Yes good point.

he sounds like he needs dumping anyway.

He doesn’t want you to come ….

Champion.

But why are you telling her FIVE MONTHS AFTER SHE ASKED!!!

This was five months ago!

I've been single for a few years now so rarely read the relationships board anymore but there's a few posts in 'active conversations' and every one I read was about a woman second guessing herself and asking if she's being unreasonable because of their partner being an entitled selfish knob.
I'm also neurodivergent and easily manipulated. I never trust my own judgement.
when something like this comes up i always felt like it's my problem not theirs and allowed them to make me hate and doubt myself while they walk all over me and I just take it because I don't want to look like a jealous mad woman.
Sometimes I'd post on here and then be told I'm uncool or controlling or whatever by other women which would make me rollover and take even more shit.

Pretty much always to do with exes or the men's important hobby and sometimes their partially hidden addiction (drink, drugs, gambling, porn etc)

No way in absolute hell I'd be paying thousands of pounds for a holiday with my partners ex and his family who all still love the ex

That's a life changing sum of money to me and would have to be the holiday of a lifetime.

With my neurodivergent tendency to dwell/ hyperfocus I'd never be able to relax on the holiday, neither would I be able to relax knowing he'd gone away with an ex whilst I stayed at home, regardless of whether other people are there

My last relationship ended partly because of not just one, but TWO holidays including two different exes (in groups with others) and not telling me about the exes presence until after because he knew id be unhappy about it.

I went back after the first one because I thought I was being paranoid.

Long story short, from what you've written it feels like he's taking the piss and being mean and disrespectful.
Sounds like you know it and just need to work out how you're going to deal with it.
Wishing you all the best and everything you deserve ❤️

Lol just realised this is an old thread 😅 hope OP is having a happy free life now!

this is not about your autism. It is this situation which is dysfunctional - not you.