Travel for contact

[Wombat100]

Does anyone know if the courts generally expect parents to share travel for contact?

By way of background - parents live about 25 mins apart from each other. The kids’ mum is saying that my DH (their dad) should do all driving for pick ups and drop offs. DH (and I, though that’s probably not relevant!) think mum and dad should share the driving equally, eg. she drops off and he picks up or vice versa.

Just wondered what the “standard” position is? Thanks :) x

Who moved?

When they first split, she remained in the family home and he moved about 5 minutes away to be near the children.

She then moved about 20 minutes away and he then also moved, though the distance between the two stayed at about 20-25 minutes x

Depends how much you have the children. I will do the odd drop off and pick up to help out but dad does most of the travel. Couple of reasons why, I have daughter 80% of the time and I have to do all the driving to and from school every day, dentist appointments, meeting friends, going here there and everywhere basically. I would find it very unfair if I was ‘expected’ to do half of all travel to facilitate contact given the above reasons.

Technically whoever moved needs to facilitate contact and do the driving, this is really only relevant when one parent moves a greater distance away drom the original marital home. Seeing as both have moved and the distance really is minimal it should be shared. IMO mum is being difficult unnecessarily.

How often does he see them and how much grunt work does he do?

That makes a difference imo - if it's an eow / once in the week scenario then he should do the travelling.

If it's a more equitable split then the travel should be more equitable too.

Or what @Julia234 said more eloquently.

I inched away over a decade. Now 45 mins away and exh travelled once for a nosey then never again. In secondary school dc used public transport sometimes..

In these circumstances I think the non resident parent picks up. 20-25 mins is a pick up not a commute. If the distance is further it should either be shared or facilitated by the parent that moved.

As PP have said it depends on how often you have them.

DH & Ex live much further than that. She moved hours away. DH moved nearer but still over an hour away. They share pick up and drop offs though she pushes back against this regularly. I would suggest that the parent who they are going to be with picks them up if that makes sense, it's much nicer for the kids to be picked up by someone who wants to see them than taken back by someone who is going to say goodbye if that makes sense. Also stops each party pushing back and making the times later and later

25 minutes does not constitute "travel" as its hardly anything. DH should collect and drop back for his contact time.

I assumed this was going to be a we moved a 2 hours away thing which we did and did collections and drop offs as it was out choice to move away.

Seriously that sort of trip (25 mins) is fairly standard and the court would not be impressed if you tried to get an order to force their mum to drop off or collect.

You can apply for a reduction in cms based on travel costs but I think that's more for hours away or flights etc rather than 25 minutes down the road which is basically a trip to the shops for us

Tbh I have this situation. Ex left and moved 10 minutes one way and I moved 15 minutes the other. I've always been made to feel that I've created a 25 min distance and get criticised all the time. I do 90% of parenting, all school runs, swimming lessons, hair, and dentist appointments, shopping and pay for everything, kids parties etc and he has him exactly 24hrs a week - Saturday am to Sunday am 3 times a month! We meet half way in a shopping car park. I find it very annoying as id rather just do the whole journey one way and he the other way as all weekend I'm up and out early dropping or collecting!
I have argued the toss over he should be help out more! He refuses to drive to my house so doesn't help with anything. Has him 3x a month and still won't do the lion share of travel and it's only 25 mins!

We meet half way in a shopping car park that's got to be so miserable for the kids. Is there a reason like neither of you want each other at their house? Or is it purely because it's the only way you can get him to share a journey.

We do all pick ups and drop offs but we have her eow and I would prefer to do all pick up/drop offs then go 50/50! So suits us.

Omg is this really an issue? They should share it of course. If one side can't see how this is common sense then the other should just do it. Make it a non issue. Pick your battles and this doesn't seem worth it.

I think this is a lovely way to do it, with the parent they’re going to be with collecting them then the kids are always being ‘got’ rather than ‘dropped’. It sounds like a really nice way to show them in a small way how much each parent loves them.

To be honest I don't think 25 minutes is worth quibbling over.

It depends how often you see her

If the ex is doing the majority of parenting then your DH should. 25 mins is nothing.

The court ordered my ex to do all the travelling which was only fair as I had all the school runs.

If the ex is doing most of the parenting, your dh should do pick ups and drop offs.

My ex wanted me to 'share the driving' until I pointed out I do...
10 school runs a week (140 miles)
doctor's, dentists, hospital runs
sports days, carol concerts,
swimming lessons, karate classes, shoe shopping, hair cuts...

Haven't had a peep out of him since, lazy sod 😀

Surely for your dh it's a little bit of extra time to spend with his dc. Could become a lovely time to chat . Great opportunity to share favourite music etc. I don't understand even having an issue popping over to get the dc and dropping them back. Definitely not worth getting into.

Those saying "it's only 25 minutes", depending on how often exchanges are it all adds up and the price of fuel is through the roof just now. That could be a big deal for some people.

I agree with everyone saying it depends on what the custody split is. If it's 50/50 I think the driving should be 50/50 too. If it's not 50/50, whoever has the kids less time should do the driving as the other parent likely does loads of driving with school runs, kids hobbies and appointments.

We have my DPs kids 50% but do majority of the do/pu. DPs ex lives less that 10 mins away but her time keeping isn't great and she's not always home so it's easier for DP to do the driving. Also she's tried to start shit outside our house so it's better for DP to go to hers as he can just walk away if she starts.

I also think if it's only 25 minutes why can't the ex do one way?

I had it written in that DDs Dad does the travelling and then he moved 45 mins away anyway so I'm glad I did. I do all the other travelling to sports clubs, matches, Drs, dentists he pays a measley £160 a month CMS so he can do the travelling on his days. On the odd occasion I'm going to the City he lives in then I will do the pickup and drop offs on my way and I did pickup and dropoffs after he had a new baby with his partner (mostly because I didnt want him driving sleep deprived with DD in the car).

I do all the other travelling to sports clubs, matches, Drs, dentists

I think this is a valid point. Who does all the day to day ferrying about?