Should I take DSD to party

[Goingforplatinum]

Taking DD to a Halloween party with some of the other mums and toddlers from baby group, when I bought the tickets I never realised it was school holidays as DD is not yet school age. Told DH and he said we have DSD8 as she's off school for half term.

Usually during the holidays I have DSD as mum and dad work and she comes everywhere with me the same as DD, however on the day of the party dad's at home as he has leave that day from work.

Now I'm in two minds of if I take DSD, on one side the tickets are quite pricey and it will mean two costumes, I'm going as part of the toddler group where all the toddlers are first children so no older siblings, it will be nice for me and DD to do something together and nice for DSD to have one on one time with dad.

On the other hand, the party is not age exclusive, and I know she would love to go to a Halloween party.

What do I do??

I think it would be nice for all four of you to go.

I would go all four of you

It would, but not sure it would be DHs thing being sat with a group of mums and toddlers. I did think we could have a little party at home on the Sunday, pumpkin carving, apple bobbing and inviting the children's cousins around. Not sure it's quite the same though

I think the other issue is DD adores her older sister and I know she will just follow her around, where I would like her to be with her little friends and DSD has no issue making friends and gets a bit annoyed when she wants to play with kids her age and DD is not leaving her alone 😁

Usually during the holidays I have DSD as mum and dad work and she comes everywhere with me the same as DD

Is this your choice? It’s a lot. When do you get time with just your own DD? When do the actual parents use their leave to care for their own child?

the tickets are quite pricey and it will mean two costumes

If you do decide to DSD surely her dad will be sorting this stuff?

There’s nothing wrong with taking your toddler to a party with your mum and toddler friends. Literally no one could complain, if you go her dad will have to have her instead. If you really want to take her then do but don’t do it because you’re being guilted. It will be a completely different dynamic with an 8 year old instead of being able to focus on DD.

She will feel very left out watching you getting your DD dressed up, then coming home with party treats. Take her along, they will both love it. Your DH should come too, sometimes we have to do things we don’t really fancy for our kids.

@AnneLovesGilbert I choose to have her, always have as I only work 2 days a week and work from home, DH takes his holidays over the summer and Christmas breaks, never asked mum about her leave.

I don't feel guilty feeling pressure to take her, I feel guilty knowing she will probably feel left out.

I’d leave her to have that time with her dad; suggest they do something Halloween based and tell her it’s a baby’s party. It sounds like something you’ve organised with your friends and her being there will change the dynamic when there’s a perfectly good alternative arrangement

If you frame it as she’s getting to do something special with her dad then she won’t feel left out. We do this with our joint DC at times to have one on one time with each as well as with DSD

If you take her then DH needs to come too, then you can each focus on one child in an age appropriate way. If he doesn’t want to then I’d take DD and DH can spend a nice evening with his older DD. No need for her to feel left out, she’s there to see her dad, she’ll have had all week with you and her sister!

I would assume that if your DH has leave while DSD is there, that he already has plans for a 1 on 1 activity with her. If he doesn’t I’d be questioning why not. And getting him to address that sharpish.

Then you can all get together and talk about the lovely days you have had

There are a lot of things we all do that aren’t our ‘thing’, we do them because we think our children would like it and benefit for being out as a family. I wouldn’t let that aspect put you off.

@Rainbowqueeen DSD likes nothing more then a chilled evening on the sofa with dad watching movies and eating snacks. They are both into the same kind of movies and she never gets to watch them when little sister is around, and we tend to go out places when its the 4 of us, I might get her favourite snacks in and then they can get the blankets out and have an afternoon lounging infront of the TV

He can get the snacks in. Why is he so passive and you so involved? It’s lovely you’re close to her but he sounds quite detached.

It's just something I suppose I've always done, as I'm home most of the time I tend to do the shopping so would just chuck them into the trolley on the food shop.
Although you have got a point. Might be nice for them to go shops together and pick snacks themselves instead of me taking over.

Could you ask your DSD what she’d prefer? If she wants to go then your husband obviously pays for the ticket and costume. (and you’re a lovely stepmum for thinking about her).

Just go to the toddler party with your toddler.

Her Dad is home so they can do something together.

Its frustrating you even have to think about it. Will be nice for you and your DD - they are only toddlers for a short amount of time x

Go with your toddler and let her stay with her dad.

And why are you so keen to stick the boot in - the OP is obviously very happy with her family situation- I don't recall her asking you to comment on her family dynamics.

I agree with this. I think she's old enough to be asked. She might feel left out seeing her sister go to a party. Or she might not, especially if she won't know any other kids except your toddler. But she's of an age where she can make the choice on which she'd prefer, time with Dad or a toddlers party.

I would probably take her. Outside of the stepchild/stepparent etc thing I think I’d feel weird if any child (like niece/nephew/friend’s child etc) was staying over and sat watching us get ready for a party they weren’t going to.

You could ask as pps said. ‘Do you to join us or do you and dad want to stop at home?’ But I wouldn’t just go to the party without inviting her.

I'd look at it as in what would I do if they were both my children and not feel guilty about her being the step child as I think that's swaying you here.

I often take just one or other of my children out as there is a 4 year gap and some activities are more suited to one or the other. I make sure it's fair and the other one has something fun to do too. Plus we have lots of family time as a 4 all together.

Swimming isn't my thing but I take Dd because she enjoys it and it's a good experience for her

I hate sitting in soft plays making small talk with other mums but I go cos Dd likes it

I don't particularly enjoy standing around a cold park at weekends

CBeebies and paw patrol aren't really my thing but I watch with Dd

It's called being a parent

It's not even just the buying of the snacks though Op. it's the fact your picking out and organising an activity for theIr one on one time.

Does he not have a mind of his own or is he just not capable of organising things himself?

Told DH and he said we have DSD8 as she's off school for half term.

And that was it? That was his only input? Now you're on here trying to figure out cost implications, hurt feelings, social dynamics and father/daughter alternatives?

All while he does what, exactly?