Page 2 | Should I take DSD to party

Goingforplatinum · 2022-10-10T20:50:29+00:00

Taking DD to a Halloween party with some of the other mums and toddlers from baby group, when I bought the tickets I never realised it was school holidays as DD is not yet school age. Told DH and he said we have DSD8 as she's off school for half term. Usually during the holidays I have DSD as mum and dad work and she comes everywhere with me the same as DD, however on the day of the party dad's at home as he has leave that day from work. Now I'm in two minds of if I take DSD, on one side the tickets are quite pricey and it will mean two costumes, I'm going as part of the toddler group where all the toddlers are first children so no older siblings, it will be nice for me and DD to do something together and nice for DSD to have one on one time with dad. On the other hand, the party is not age exclusive, and I know she would love to go to a Halloween party. What do I do??

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Stepit · 10/10/2022 23:57

So disappointed to read the passive aggressive replies to your post.

You’re obviously very thoughtful, and are worrying about your DSD being left out.

if you feel she would like the party then I agree the four of you should go, your DH should be happy to have a family event.

If you don’t feel she would be interested then the day in with dad sounds ideal, maybe add in some pumpkin carving or halloween snack making when you get home so she also feels involved.

Good luck whatever you decide to do! 😊

Crenshaw · 11/10/2022 00:02

Got to agree, some of the replies are weird. Like they want you to actively care less about your DSD.

Do whatever you want to do OP, there’s no wrong answer here, your DSD will have a good time with you at the party and she’ll also have a good time at home with her Dad.

SomePosters · 11/10/2022 00:16

Or maybe theyre challenging a systemic pattern of women treating their ‘partners’ like one of the children and organising their families birthday cards, remembering all the appointments, lunchboxes and raising their children for them until the one day realise they carry the weight of the world alone and come on mumsnet wondering how to get the ‘partner’ to step up as theyve lost all respect for them or bemoaning that their husband used all the free time they had because of their lonely labour of love to pitch up with a younger model… who is pregnant

sorry i sound old and jaded. If only youth had the wisdom of age.

SomePosters · 11/10/2022 00:17

I wouldnt take her op.

its a toddler party. Shes not being excluded its just not for her.

explain it for babies and there wont be anyone her age and i doubt she will want to come

watcherintherye · 11/10/2022 00:55

SomePosters · 11/10/2022 00:17

I wouldnt take her op.

its a toddler party. Shes not being excluded its just not for her.

explain it for babies and there wont be anyone her age and i doubt she will want to come

But I think the op said that it wasn’t an age restricted party. I don’t think it is specifically a toddler party, just that op has organised to go with a group of Mums and toddlers that she knows. So there probably will be older children there.

Yousee · 11/10/2022 01:04

I'm not sure PPs want OP to care less about her DSD as such, but wouldn't it be nice if she felt able to do be things with and for her own child without second guessing and picking over everything in case it is taken as a slight against DSD?
OP, unless you specifically go out of your way to tell DSD the party is suitable for her age but you have decided not to take her because "Dynamics", why would you think she would think anything else other than that her toddler sibling is going to toddler activity with her mother while she gets Dad all to herself? Surely it's like any other childhood party - some are for you and some aren't?

harryclr · 11/10/2022 08:00

Yousee · 11/10/2022 01:04

I'm not sure PPs want OP to care less about her DSD as such, but wouldn't it be nice if she felt able to do be things with and for her own child without second guessing and picking over everything in case it is taken as a slight against DSD?
OP, unless you specifically go out of your way to tell DSD the party is suitable for her age but you have decided not to take her because "Dynamics", why would you think she would think anything else other than that her toddler sibling is going to toddler activity with her mother while she gets Dad all to herself? Surely it's like any other childhood party - some are for you and some aren't?

Exactly!

My boy has a few parties coming up, SD wont be coming as they are toddler parties and they've never met her.

My son doesn't go to any of her friends parties.

SMs are constantly 2nd guessing everything and its mentally exhausting

toomuchlaundry · 11/10/2022 08:08

Had he not discussed with you before that DSD would be at your house over half term

CatchersAndDreams · 11/10/2022 08:13

Why don't you ask her. I think it would be pretty shit to be an 8yr old and not get to go to a Halloween party but if she would prefer to watch a film with her dad then that's up to her.

Definitely the 4 of you should go if she wants to go.

KILM · 11/10/2022 08:14

SomePosters · 11/10/2022 00:16

Or maybe theyre challenging a systemic pattern of women treating their ‘partners’ like one of the children and organising their families birthday cards, remembering all the appointments, lunchboxes and raising their children for them until the one day realise they carry the weight of the world alone and come on mumsnet wondering how to get the ‘partner’ to step up as theyve lost all respect for them or bemoaning that their husband used all the free time they had because of their lonely labour of love to pitch up with a younger model… who is pregnant

sorry i sound old and jaded. If only youth had the wisdom of age.

Yup - this. You sound lovely OP, and if your partner doesnt take holidays off for DSD much then he'll be jumping at the chance for some quality time with her - leave them to it. Dont suggest, dont get involved, step back. You clearly spend lots of time with her so take a break! Go to the party with your little one, hope you have a good time.

Sacredheart7 · 11/10/2022 08:24

I second those who are saying just ask your DSD what she wants to do. She's old enough to tell you.

aSofaNearYou · 11/10/2022 08:53

I wouldn't take her. Your social life is important, I would just tell her it's a toddler party and suggest her dad do something fun with her at home.

Original poster

Goingforplatinum · 11/10/2022 08:59

Dad's going to call her this evening and ask her what she wants to do.

I think if they where both my children I would probably take just DD and DSD does parties woth her friends without DD that dad takes her too.

I just feel as she's with us over Halloween she won't be going to any parties with mum so don't want her feeling left out.

As for planning school holidays in advance, she has always stayed with me for the last 5 years, makes no difference to me if she's at our house or not so it's never really planned, infact it's quite nice when it's me and her when dad's at work and DD is at childminders as she's good company and provids better conversation then the toddler 🤣

OP posts:

BlueRibbonPen · 11/10/2022 09:11

Will your DSD not be bored stiff with a load of toddlers?

I would just take the child for whom the party is appropriate. I often have to take both my kids to these things and it’s such a relief when I can just take one. I love the 1-2-1 time with either child and I find one child means you can relax and chat yourself.

SenecaFallsRedux · 11/10/2022 09:18

Goingforplatinum · 11/10/2022 08:59

Dad's going to call her this evening and ask her what she wants to do.

I think if they where both my children I would probably take just DD and DSD does parties woth her friends without DD that dad takes her too.

I just feel as she's with us over Halloween she won't be going to any parties with mum so don't want her feeling left out.

As for planning school holidays in advance, she has always stayed with me for the last 5 years, makes no difference to me if she's at our house or not so it's never really planned, infact it's quite nice when it's me and her when dad's at work and DD is at childminders as she's good company and provids better conversation then the toddler 🤣

I'm glad you are giving DSD the choice. I had a loving stepmother who sounds very much like you. She enriched my life immeasurably, and I also have a close relationship as an adult with her children, my younger half-siblings, much of which is a result of her love and regard for me.

mincepi · 11/10/2022 09:20

Was popping on to suggest just giving her the choice but she you've already done that.

You sound like you have a great relationship.

pinkpanel · 11/10/2022 10:21

SomePosters · 11/10/2022 00:16

Or maybe theyre challenging a systemic pattern of women treating their ‘partners’ like one of the children and organising their families birthday cards, remembering all the appointments, lunchboxes and raising their children for them until the one day realise they carry the weight of the world alone and come on mumsnet wondering how to get the ‘partner’ to step up as theyve lost all respect for them or bemoaning that their husband used all the free time they had because of their lonely labour of love to pitch up with a younger model… who is pregnant

sorry i sound old and jaded. If only youth had the wisdom of age.

This was what is was trying to get at. I think OP sounds lovely and very caring towards DSD.
However, it also sounds like her DP takes a complete back seat and doesn't show enough interest in his own DD.

the fact he wouldn't want to go to a Halloween party with her cos it's not his thing
if op and her own Dd go out and do something together to leave dsd to have some one on one time with her dad, it's up to op to sort out something for them to do together

Guavafish1 · 11/10/2022 10:32

I'd leave her with dad

Sound like she would enjoy movie time with him.

Kanaloa · 11/10/2022 15:23

That’s great that he’s going to check with her. To be honest you sound like an absolutely lovely stepmum so whatever choice you end up making will probably be the right one if you know what I mean? Because DSD will obviously feel that love and care you have for her so she won’t be sensitive to these small things that a less secure child might be.

lookluv · 11/10/2022 16:19

goingfor platinum- ignore the negative comments - what works for you works for you and your family.
You have the same attitude as me - this whole bollocks of half term - you are there and happy and have no issues with it - so no one elses problem.

Keep going you sound lovely.

MissTrip82 · 12/10/2022 09:02

That’s lovely to give her the choice.

I know mumsnet takes a very hardline on mum/dad organising and doing everything child-related for their shared child but that’s not how my family or any other blended family I know works in real life.

Hungoverandashamed · 12/10/2022 09:27

Sounds like you have a happy home, well done you OP. I'm quite envious, I had a step parent who didn't want me and now I have stepkids who don't want me or DC (their half sibling) despite my most determined efforts. Good for you.