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Step-parenting

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Original poster

When do you consider someone becomes a step parent?

74 replies

Teisen1990 · 27/09/2022 20:04

Hi all
Inspired by a post from yesterday when do you consider someone moves from 'significant other ' to 'stepmum/dad'. Is it a length of time? After marriage? When the biological parent says so?

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Geppili · 27/09/2022 20:46

When the kids, if ever, say so consistently.

catchthedog · 27/09/2022 20:47

Agree , when the child sees the person as their parent.

Pinkandpurplehairedlady · 27/09/2022 20:48

I’m not sure there’s a clear answer. My ex lives with his girlfriend and has done for five years. My kids love her and buy her birthday and Christmas presents but don’t consider her to be their step mum. I’m not sure if that would change if they got married.

Pinkandpurplehairedlady · 27/09/2022 20:48

I’m not sure there’s a clear answer. My ex lives with his girlfriend and has done for five years. My kids love her and buy her birthday and Christmas presents but don’t consider her to be their step mum. I’m not sure if that would change if they got married.

Willowswave · 27/09/2022 20:48

Marriage

justusandmoo · 27/09/2022 20:49

Dictated by the kids I'd say. We'd been together about 3 years when we overheard my daughter chatting on the phone to her friends and referring to my partner as 'my stepdad'. Was quite an emotional moment tbh!

Kanaloa · 27/09/2022 20:51

When the child’s parent has married that person.

Move22 · 27/09/2022 20:55

Marriage

User38899953 · 27/09/2022 20:56

Kanaloa · 27/09/2022 20:51

When the child’s parent has married that person.

I disagree it's anything to do with marriage. My friends ex married the GF after about 6 months together. The kids had only met her a few times and definitely was not their step mum.

On the other hand my aunt had been with her DP for over 20 years. Never married and he is absolutely the kids Step dad.

I would say follow the kids lead as to the role they have.

GreenManalishi · 27/09/2022 20:57

When the kids say so, nothing to do with length of time or marriage status. You could be married to someone's dad for twenty years and still not be considered their step mother.

justusandmoo · 27/09/2022 20:59

I guess marriage is the 'official' answer but I'm not sure it's the right one. My daughter very much considers her dads partner as her stepmum but I doubt they'll ever get married. It's surely more about the feelings and connection of the child.

BertieBotts · 27/09/2022 20:59

Technically on marriage, but I think practically it happens when they move in.

My dad and stepmum are divorced but I still consider her my stepmum, not ex stepmum or anything! They divorced after I was an adult, though.

caringcarer · 27/09/2022 21:25

Upon marriage.

Kanaloa · 27/09/2022 21:34

User38899953 · 27/09/2022 20:56

I disagree it's anything to do with marriage. My friends ex married the GF after about 6 months together. The kids had only met her a few times and definitely was not their step mum.

On the other hand my aunt had been with her DP for over 20 years. Never married and he is absolutely the kids Step dad.

I would say follow the kids lead as to the role they have.

Show quote history

Regardless of how much she had met the kids if she married their dad she was their stepmum.

I don’t get how you can disagree that it’s anything to do with marriage - somebody who is married to your parent is your step-parent. You might not like them, but that’s not really a factor.

MissMaple82 · 27/09/2022 21:35

It is after marriage, there is no other way, legally

User38899953 · 27/09/2022 21:37

@Kanaloa

The question was when do you consider someone a stepparent. I understand the legal answer is upon marriage. I would consider a step parent when the children see them as that

properdoughnut · 27/09/2022 21:37

It's a feeling in your hearts

Kanaloa · 27/09/2022 21:39

User38899953 · 27/09/2022 21:37

@Kanaloa

The question was when do you consider someone a stepparent. I understand the legal answer is upon marriage. I would consider a step parent when the children see them as that

Oh I see. I guess to me I don’t understand how you could ‘disagree it’s anything to do with marriage.’ To me that’s kind of like being asked what you consider to be an elephant and answering ‘I disagree it’s anything to do with being a large grey animal with a trunk.’ But I understand that people are possibly talking about ‘feeling’ like a stepparent/stepchild.

FrankTheThunderbird · 27/09/2022 21:42

When my (now ex) DP lived with us my DC referred to him as their step dad. Because that's how they felt about him.

They refer to their Dad's wife as "Dad's wife" because that's how they feel about her.

SpinningFloppa · 27/09/2022 21:44

I say marriage as far too many people calling their partners step parents only to find out they’ve only been together 3 months 🤦🏻

Hbh17 · 27/09/2022 22:16

Marriage to a child's parent. It's the only accurate definition.

properdoughnut · 27/09/2022 22:19

Personally I think there needs to be a term that isn't "parent" but isn't "Dad's wife". I just go by my name bit I do refer to them as my step kids to people when it comes up and they call me their "properdoughnut".

beneathhereyes · 27/09/2022 22:23

@justusandmoo I used to refer to mine as stepdad just because 'mum' s boyfriend' sounded a bit Jeremy Kyle. It certainly wasn't because I liked him!

gingertoast · 27/09/2022 22:29

My DD refers to partner as Stepdad. My DS doesn't. Both options are entirely acceptable to all of us. This is 3 years in

YerAWizardHarry · 27/09/2022 22:32

Over 5 years in and DSS refers to me as his step mum (and I consider him my step son!) been together since before he was 2 though.