Does anyone holiday seperately?

[Blendiful]

Hi,

Just wondered if anyone of you guys holidays separately with your own kids?

Have been on a joint holiday but tbh DP just seemed to be grumpy most of the time and picky with the kids about stuff I really don't care about. It would be a shame for the kids as they enjoy eachothers company but I don't want to holiday with DP again as I want to enjoy the time with my kids and relax, and do what I want with them.

Just wondered if anyone already did this and how it was?

As a stepmum my DH used to take my DSC off on holiday by themselves. Its cheaper and they can do kids stuff that suits them. Now I know them a bit better and we have a shared DC we go away together but they do have their own time together without me in the holidays. I think that's important.

We have no DC together only DC of our own.

It's clear they don't enjoy holidaying with my DC but I do enjoy holidaying with my own DC.

I haven't enjoyed holidaying with DP due to constant pickiness. So don't want to do it again. I do however want to enjoy a holiday with my own DC. I would like to go with a friend or my parents or something to have another adult with me, though My DC aren't really young children.

Just wondered how common it was really. And how people approach it.

My DP will see it as me pandering to mine to do what they want. But it's not my DC who have made the holiday an issue for me, it's him.

Your dp sounds like a miserable git! Why worry about him more than your kid's and your happiness?

Pander away! I mean I don’t think that’s what you’d be doing but so what if it was? The older they are the fewer years you’ve probably got of holidays with them. That time is precious and you’d be mad to let him ruin any of it.

Be clear, be firm, don’t get dragged into a discussion. “DP, from now on I’m going to take DC away by myself. You didn’t seem to enjoy the last one, you complained every day,!and I want quality time with them so it’ll be just us and you can have dad time with your DC”.

That will be exactly what I'd be saying tbf. I want to enjoy the holidays with my kids and cba for someone else to ruin it. So I won't be letting that happen again that's for sure.

Very much so. And I definitely won't be. Will be taking my kids regardless. Tbh I'm less bothered about him and more bothered about his DC. It's unfair of them to miss out, but I can't do much about that. I am more bothered about the fact it would be mean on DSC.

Good decision. And remember who’s responsible for you having to do this. It’s not DSC fault their dad is a grumpy sod but it’s not your job to compensate for it and it’s not on anyone else that his behaviour necessitates this action. Offload the guilt, it’s optional.

It's clear they don't enjoy holidaying with my DC his kids or your DP? Whats he like around them day to day?

My DP doesn’t have kids and we don’t have any together but I have two. I found when we holidayed all together I ended up having a rubbish time trying to keep everyone happy. We did it twice and since then I always have one holiday just me and the kids and one just me and DP.

I appreciate I’m lucky to be able to afford two breaks a year but we cut our cloth accordingly and it’s the only way I end up being able to relax on holiday.

DP. And I would say hit and miss. It's been the source of a lot of arguments recently. He's similar with his own DC (strict) but his DC are totally different to mine in personality, and one of mine has SEN which makes them different in lots of ways anyway. He's not a very patient person in general, but at home I can kind of brush it off. On holiday it feels like just picking for pickings sake, little things like 'hurry up' when there's 3 sharing a room and his DC has just been in the bathroom for 10-15 mins, mines been in 2 mins.

Moaning about them leaving food, we are all inc, it doesn't cost any extra, I don't care! They are trying things and some they like and some they don't. His DC hasn't tried anything new, but I'm not moaning about that, because hey, I don't care, they can eat what they want, it's a holiday.

I just don't feel like I can relax and enjoy it, he's grumpy cause of these things, I'm grumpy because I cba and my kids don't understand why it's even an issue cause IMO it shouldn't be, I think they are right.

This is true but I do feel bad as DSC has been well behaved and I feel like I've been trying to make it nice and fun for them. They wanted to do something yesterday so I took them to do it. It was clear they wanted everyone to go, but DP said no, DSCs face was sad but I made sure we had fun without them, we had a blast!

I think this is how it will have to be for me as I feel exactly like that!

It seems absolutely fair and reasonable for you to each take your own DC on holiday without the other partner.

Well obviously you are not being unreasonable to holiday with your DC without DP. What seems unreasonable to me is why you are with him at all.

I have to agree with pp, your post made me sad for you -- he doesn't sound very nice!

I also feel you have a DP problem. What a shame.

Unlike other step-parents your issue isn’t that your DC and DSC don’t get on during holiday, quite the reverse it seems.

Is he fussy with you when you’re on your holiday alone with him?

Seems unreasonable to me right now also!

We've not been alone yet. But I imagine so.

Yes you know what it is all very sad, and actually I am really sad about it all at the minute tbh, this is a bigger problem tbf and the holiday is probably a bit of a red herring :(

@Blendiful he doesn't sound just on a basic level very nice to you or any of the kids (DSC or DC)

I think you don't have have to spend your relaxing time with some set out to destroy it.

Have you brought this up to him as a wider picture chat and/or what does he say ?

Tried but as usual in one ear and out of the other.

I’m sorry :(

@Blendiful then I think it's fair to say go on holiday without him.

You could always offer to take DSC to mum ? But obviously if DH says no there's not a lot you can do but if she's reasonable she may try and talk dad around.

Is he depressed ? (Btw that's not a excuse to be horrible to any of you, but it might give some insight into the pickiness) is he equally like this with DSC ?

What a pity that you can't just dump the not very "D" P and keep his share of time with the step kids! Not a serious suggestion obviously, but it seems clear that you know he's the problem and like your step children!

Yanbu obviously to holiday without your "partner".

I take my dd away alone. We are off to Paris in October and Spain in May. She likes her time alone with me and I enjoy being with her. I do also have time will the dsc and holidays alone with DH. We are happy with our mix I find 3 kids on holiday is really stressful. I like holidays to be chilled and keeping 3 happy is a nightmare. Even when we all went away together for a few days we spent a day apart when he took his DC somewhere my DD wouldn't enjoy and we went to do something we enjoy! Balance is everything.

Luckily my DH is supportive when it comes to my mental health and understands my needs!

Holiday info with me ex’s DCs was a nightmare so I stopped doing it. We didn’t stay together long enough for me to holiday again but if I had I definitely would’ve holidayed alone or with just my dd. He and his dc ruined every holiday.