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Step-parenting

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Original poster

DP checking life 360

45 replies

crikeybiller · 27/08/2022 17:44

Been with DP for 3.5 years. He has 2 primary school dc with exw that he shares 5050.

Recently dc1 has been given a mobile phone and both dp and exw track him on the app life 360.
In the last couple of weeks I've noticed that dp checks it constantly when dc is with his mum.
He's forever looking to see where they are or what they are doing
I've mentioned it and he says he has a right to know where his dc are etc but it makes me uncomfortable.
When dc is with us he occasionally ( it could be more but I think he hides it ) uses his dc phone to check where his exw is, as the dc and mum track each other.
He recently had the dc for a week and commented to me that he had seen that his ex was abroad. It really concerned me. Why was he checking? His dc was with us so what was the need ?
On the other hand if I was able to check where my ex was out of curiosity, would I?
Should I be worried?

OP posts:

Lollypop701 · 27/08/2022 18:09

so if you had an ex and he was tracking you would you be ok with that? Because I wouldn’t, sounds like he’s an ex for a reason

noclothesinbed · 27/08/2022 18:11

He should only be able to see where the child is and delete the x off it. That's stalking

ChicaneOvenchips · 27/08/2022 18:12

crikeybiller · 27/08/2022 18:00

@pastypirate he is in a group with dc. He checks that when dc is with mum.
He uses dc phone when dc is with us to see where mum is. I've said that. 😔

I meant mum.has a new boyfriend above, I think that's what's triggered this.

Ah sorry I didn't see this part before.

So even if you played with the circle settings he would still be going out of his way to see where the Mum is.

That's not good.

GhostFromTheOtherSide · 27/08/2022 18:19

but why ? Because he can track me ? I genuinely don't mind. because he’s already shown you that he is happy to stalk his ex. And she is his ex, presumably for a reason.

And tracking you means he could be keeping an eye on exactly where you are at any time. How long before he questions what you were doing at x place for instance?

It’s not whether he can track you, it’s whether he is because there is a difference.

My eXH had access to My partner has access to my emails etc if he wanted to see them. That is not the issue. His being able to see them doesn’t bother me. But if he started to look then I would start to question why.

My ex tracked me while we were together. And then he started to gaslight me and telling me I’d been seen somewhere with someone. I actually was there and he knew it, but he had tracked me to the exact location in order to accuse me of cheating on him.

And it didn’t end there. He then logged into all my social media. Hid cameras and sound recorders in the house. I have no idea why because he never found anything, but the more he didn’t find, the further he needed to go, iyswim.

That’s an extreme, but the fact is that tracking your partner or anyone else for that matter is a major red flag.

Kernowfet · 27/08/2022 18:45

Why can’t people just ring or text after late journeys like we used to. What is this spying bollocks for grown men and women.

MeridianB · 27/08/2022 18:52

Despite what he tells you, he’s either not over her or he’s bitter and creepy. Either way it’s a dealbreaker and a huge invasion of her privacy.

lunar1 · 27/08/2022 19:22

Please tell his ex she is being stalked so she can protect herself.

chillipenguin · 27/08/2022 19:34

This is a horrendous abuse of the ex's trust.

Original poster

crikeybiller · 27/08/2022 19:57

His ex actually turned off her location a day in to her holiday abroad. He told me.

OP posts:

lunar1 · 27/08/2022 19:58

You still need to tell her. She's being stalked by an absolute creep and deserves to know that her safety could be at risk.

user77468264 · 27/08/2022 20:02

She 100% needs to know. She has absolutely no privacy and it's weird.
I would absolutely sack him off for being obsessed with his ex. New boyfriend or not, it's odd!

chillipenguin · 27/08/2022 20:15

crikeybiller · 27/08/2022 19:57

His ex actually turned off her location a day in to her holiday abroad. He told me.

Why is that a good thing?! Why is it good he knows this? Can you see how wrong this is?!

chillipenguin · 27/08/2022 20:16

user77468264 · 27/08/2022 20:02

She 100% needs to know. She has absolutely no privacy and it's weird.
I would absolutely sack him off for being obsessed with his ex. New boyfriend or not, it's odd!

Yes and when you do leave him be very careful that he isn't tracking you. Consider a new phone

Olsi109 · 27/08/2022 20:28

crikeybiller · 27/08/2022 17:52

He is in 2 separate groups.
He takes dc phone from him at night as he's only 9, and checks that occasionally to see where exw is.
That's the thing I've caught him doing that worries me.
I've mentioned it concerns me and he says it's curiosity and he says he doesn't give a shit what she does etc etc, he loves me etc, but he still checks every now and then.

He'd be my ex by now too.

It's creepy and stalker behaviour towards his ex, invasion of her privacy. Would you be happy if you two split and this is what he was doing to you? The only reason he's curious is because he cares, otherwise it wouldn't even enter his head. Massive red flag OP.

Starseeking · 27/08/2022 21:17

I'd turn off yours and see how long it takes for him to notice. Then you'll see how much he "checks up" on you. It's very concerning behaviour from your DP.

Original poster

crikeybiller · 28/08/2022 00:41

Do you think it means he isn't over her?
Why is he still interested in where she is ?

OP posts:

pinkyredrose · 28/08/2022 08:42

crikeybiller · 27/08/2022 17:58

We Actually do track each other on life 360 because we don't live together, but that was at my instigation. I went home very late one night by train and he tracked me to ensure I was safe abd we just kept it. I'm not worried by it.

Do you track him to make sure he's safe?

pitchforksandflamethrowers · 28/08/2022 08:46

I mean this is downright creepy.

Mum has a life and DC and mum have a right to a life without being tracked. It's the frequency that would bother me rather than checking on in on Dc

Tbh if I was on good terms with mum I would probably give her a heads up.

Probably not the easiest route but flip it around. Would you want to know because I dammed well would.

Re what it means for your relationship I would be asking why he's checking so much. Also does he track you without you knowing.

Leopard and spots ect

dumbstruckdumptruck · 28/08/2022 08:54

crikeybiller · 28/08/2022 00:41

Do you think it means he isn't over her?
Why is he still interested in where she is ?

Because control over the women in his life is important to him.

You need to have a very serious conversation with him – but have one with yourself first. There are many, many ways for you to stay safe on a late train journey without having your partner track your whereabouts at all times.

lunar1 · 28/08/2022 10:09

I think your priorities are completely off.

What it means is he's a creepy stalker. We could have a guess at his motivation for being a creep.

He's obsessed with his ex
He's controlling
He plans to track her and harm her

He could have done this to previous partners, he could and probably is doing it with you too.

There are no acceptable reasons for his actions, there are no reasons which don't mean he's a creep.

She needs to know, and if you can't tell her directly then find someone who can. Nobody wants this to end with his possible crimes reported in the news.

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