Would my income have any impact on my step child?

[Sheisamum]

Hi, my husband had a child from another marriage who is currently living abroad. He intends to bring him over to the UK at some point before the child finishes school. I would love for him to get a bursary or something similar from a reputable school. My salary however is way above the limits set for this type of financial help, my husband’s salary alone would probably make him eligible for a means tested bursary or the likes. Of course, one could say our combined income is high and would disqualify us but this is not my child and I therefore have no financial responsibility towards his education. Does anyone know how step children classify in this case? Would institutions look at combined income? Or would they look at the income from the birth parent only? In all honesty, I don’t intend to contribute to this child’s education either since I will have my own to support and would not be able to afford it.

Yes it is.

There's a way to not have to pay if you can prove you don't support the stepchild in any way (my ex didn't have to pay for his stepson as he could evidence that he and his wife kept separate houses and that he never paid towards her house or to his stepson) but I don't know the exact details beyond what my dd told me as I have described above.

I imagine that private schools will vary and you would have to ask them directly.

The standard practice for university/ Student Finance is that they take the parents' household income into account, it doesn't matter if you are blood related or not.

I didn't get anything from them for this reason. It's unfair but I guess they have to draw the line somewhere and it gets very complicated if you start looking at individuals' relationships with married step parents.

Step parents don't have to pay anything.

It just means that the child/ young person will have to take out loans and get a job at uni.

They will probably be one of the poorest students on campus, as they will have no extra money at all above what they can take out in loans.

I don't think it needs to be complicated. It should just go off the parents income, exactly like maintenance does, rather than household.

Most people whose parents have remarried are financially supported by that marriage. I was. My mum and stepdad didn't split finances so that my mum only supported me, they shared everything. That's what marriage is.

It's unfortunate for people who slip through the net, but student finance go by the legal position. If you get married then the expectation is that all income is shared between you and your spouse - if your spouse earns a lot more then you effecively become richer.

That may not be how it actually works out in the relationship, but it's just the legal definition of marriage.

I'm not saying it's necessarily fair but it is really the only way to do it taking into account what marriage actually, legally is.

@onelittlefrog I never said a step parent HAD to pay? No parent does - but the amount of loans a student gets is based on their parents income. In the case of a student whose parents are no longer together, they should choose the parent's home they live with for assessment purposes.

Should that home include a step parent then the step parents income is taken into account when assessing the amount of loans to which the student is entitled.

My point was it wouldn't be complicated to do it in the same way maintenance is done. I.e. where a step parents income is not considered. You said it would be complicated to calculate it any other way, I was simply saying it doesn't need to be complicated because they manage it for other things, like maintenance where a step parents income isn't considered.

I wasn't saying anything about the definition of marriage, simply the logistics of calculating it.

My point was it wouldn't be complicated to do it in the same way maintenance is done. I.e. where a step parents income is not considered yes and bringing it neatly back to OP's question - I'd hope any private school does it this way too. Otherwise it seems deeply unfair on the kids and also the step parent who could come under considerable pressure to contribute.

I agree.

Because then you have people like OP, who gets shit for not wanting to contribute toward her step child's education when she has her own children she needs to make sure she can contribute toward.

Sadly yes it does.

Frustrating actually but we have spoken to Dm and student finance and because she's the resident parent (just by a margin time wise) my income won't effect DSD but if she was living here full time it would.

And that narks me no end. Me and DP don't pool our finances as it's slightly outdated in my view and doesn't fit our family model (no judgement for people that do). But if DSD did get effected in anyway by my income I would help because although it's a little bit of paper it does open doors and I want her to succeeded in her chosen profession . And frankly I'm in the financial position to due to my income but .... not everyone will be so lucky in that regard and wouldn't look down on anyone who couldn't help.

It's worth checking how and if your impacted.

My siblings got full bursarys even though their actual biological dad who lives around the corner from them had a good income. They based the application on just my mum who has a low income, as they live with her. Even though they each have a weekend bedroom at their dads house. So I don't see why your income would come in to it op.

'Our' mum I should have said

Screwed me too! My stepdad just put us over the threshold for student finance. He had his own two children to support though that weren’t taken into account as they didn’t live with us. Mum had a minimum wage job for 8 hours a week so had nothing for me.

As a reasonable adult I can see why my stepdad paid for his own children, I had two parents that should have provided for me, it wasn’t his fault they couldn’t.

So I don't see why your income would come in to it op.

You might not see why but in the UK it does. If a step parent lives with the resident parent, their income is taken into account.

Depending on the level of education, there are a lot of bursaries available for students from overseas. May be worth looking into?

I imagine there's a lot of reshuffling of living arrangements in the 2 years up to uni.

@Wheresmymoneytree your username could have been my theme tune at uni.

That said I worked a night job full time, never slept and ate crackers and tbf im glad because I know I worked for my degree and it gave me a sense of pride no one could diminish.

I never expected any help from my rather mad family anyway but they all showed up with banners and ballons on graduation day. That meant more to me than any money could have bought. And yes if your wondering Christmas at my house is very festive, v loud and very very filled with cheer lol 😂 (so much in fact I have to go into a dark room for 3 days after to stop the ringing in my ears)

If my income isn't included for maintenance (thankfully!) I don't see why it would be included for school fees.

Completely agree, but that's the way the shitty system works.

I wasn't married to DH at the time DSC went to Uni but our combined income was less than their Mums household income, plus we had a young child so used our household as the 'primary residence' (kids lived 50:50) so they'd get the max loan they could. Then their Mum and DP and I, topped that up..
Financially it was hard as I was also supporting my Mum.
It did seem very unfair to any kids whose SP for whatever reason couldn't/wouldn't chip in.

Not necessarily. It depends on which household they are resident in.

if we weren’t divorcing, my DS would have my STBXH’s income and mine as the household income on which student finance was calculated. And then STBXH would refuse to contribute anything (which would be ok except…) and resent and impede my ability to use more of my income to make up for the loss of loan entitlement based on his (much higher) income. Of course, I’m supposed to subsidise the SC at all times though. Because that’s how ‘fairness’ works in his mind.

In contrast, his children (the SC) live in a workless household with a mother who thinks work does not apply to her. So that’s what their entitlement would be calculated on. Not their father’s income. But still he would insist it’s his right to give them as much money as he wants etc. which, again, might be fair enough except for the whole preventing my son getting anything.

We’re getting divorced though, so it’ll be my income alone that counts for DS and I will be able to support him as I’m able to/see fit without any bullshit. And the SC probably won’t even go to university because their mother will actively discourage them from doing so (and, I’d put money on it, want them in minimum wage jobs the instant child maintenance stops - and it will stop the instant it legally can - so they can pay her money). But none of that is my problem any longer.

The system is unbelievably stupid. And often made worse by difficult and unreasonable people.

Why do parents think it’s the step parents responsibility to fund their children in any way, yet make it crystal clear they’re an outsider and their opinions are not needed (even is their money is)!

ex wife tried to get my income involved in her greedy maintenance/ spousal agreements. She was told to do one!

Thank you all for your valuable answers. My message was taken a bit out of context here and I want to clarify for those ‘hurt’ by my ‘cold’ way to see life.

I want the best for my step son and I’m of course happy for him to move in with us at some point and all the financial implications that come with that. However, I don’t see why I would need to contribute to this child’s education when he has two parents who are perfectly capable of giving him whatever education they can afford (state or private). Of course, I do want the best for this child and this is why I’m actually spending my time here and online finding the best opportunities for him.

Yet, I don’t understand why some people in this group expect a step parent to contribute towards a child’s education when this child has two perfectly working parents. Is it that people are of the view that only one parent contributes towards a child’s maintenance? Typically, the dad?

Anyway, I still think the system is unfair when only the household income is considered and not the income for the actual parents.

According to some members of this forum you as a Step Parent:

Have no right to parent DSC in any way
DSC has a right to an inheritance from you
You must fork out money to DSC when demanded
Must put DSC over and above your DC coz poor widdle step child
The pecking order goes DSC DH DC then wwwaaayyy down is you

my 24yo step daughter is looking over my shoulder chuckling as I type this. The poor widdle bit is hers. She’s staying for a few days keeping me company while I recuperate from a medical thing

As a stepchild, I really resent the whole ‘poor little victim’ assumption. I don’t think it helps anyone at all to think in this way.

Nor the ‘they didn’t choose this’. That’s true of all children. And everyone to some degree. It’s not the mic drop people think it is.