Would my income have any impact on my step child?

[Sheisamum]

Hi, my husband had a child from another marriage who is currently living abroad. He intends to bring him over to the UK at some point before the child finishes school. I would love for him to get a bursary or something similar from a reputable school. My salary however is way above the limits set for this type of financial help, my husband’s salary alone would probably make him eligible for a means tested bursary or the likes. Of course, one could say our combined income is high and would disqualify us but this is not my child and I therefore have no financial responsibility towards his education. Does anyone know how step children classify in this case? Would institutions look at combined income? Or would they look at the income from the birth parent only? In all honesty, I don’t intend to contribute to this child’s education either since I will have my own to support and would not be able to afford it.

I think this thread has already peaked at referencing Cinderella and casting op as evil sm.

A lot of people spend time on here not because they are a sp but because their children have one. So are laser focused on how they would feel as the mum, that opposed to answering OPs question imo.

Yes they take into account both parents and any partners living with them. Your husband will be better off than if he was funding a household in his own. If you’re married he’d also generally be entitled to a good share of your assets. It would be unfair to judge him the same as a single parent, even if you pay nothing towards the fees living with you and sharing expenses makes him better off.

Like another previous poster, I would suggest your partner rings around the schools.

You're getting flack here that you don't deserve j think.

I have one child- who isn't my dp's child. My dc is privately educated. That is a decision me and my exH made. My dp has two children of his own. His exW and him have decided to state educate them. My dp doesn't pay towards my child's education. Should I be up in arms...? Um, no. So anyone flinging mud at you for asking a really straightforward question is quite out of order. His child, his financial look out.

Is his dad ever going to do any actual parenting?

Or just wants to farm him out again

The school my dd attended required the potential student to be ordinarily resident in the U.K. for at least 3 years prior to application for a bursary. The bursary was calculated on the household income including any child maintenance. So in this particular schools case your stepson would be ineligible due to living overseas (unless armed forces, diplomatic or ngo)

Btw OP your children and any school
fees for them would be taken into account as well

It will vary.
A local fee paying school to me offers bursaries for academic high achievers. Their fees are also a little negotiable if the child is very bright too. Helps the grade averages for the school.
Not all the children attending are English.
It's a really lovely school with excellent facilities.

Where are people getting the boarding school angle from? Or they just going full Cinderella / evil stepmother characterization out of thin air?

@Toit 😂 I can see what you did there nice deflection.

No I thought I would put it in a easy way for you to understand.

Try harder or scroll on but either way my first comment stands.

Why all the 'wows'??? I don't get it. OP has just posted a factual question and she's totally right not to want to contribute to private school fees for a child who isn't hers. My child went through private education with no contribution from step parents. My step children did not, as their parents didn't want that for their kids.

I don't know the answer to your question though, sorry.

My wow is because the op has no care or emotion for the child. Their husband plans to bring the child to the UK from another country where they will have friends etc, to somewhere to live with someone they don't currently live with, and the biggest concern is getting a bursary for private school.

It doesn't seem very caring to me.

I have no idea what all the 'wow' posters are getting their pants in a twist about. All this 'you are so cold about your step child because you didn't spend the whole post gushing about them and instead just posted about the situation in hand' is boring. A simple factual post on MN tells us absolutely nothing about an OPs relationship with their DSC. And this kid lives abroad she probably hasn't even met him that often, how involved or in love with him do you expect OP to be?

Anyway, OP says she has other children to support and therefore cannot afford to pay towards this child's education there is NOTHING shocking or appalling about that. Her children's education is obviously and rightly her priority anything less would be neglectful to her own children.

It annoys me because if someone posted a short and to the point post about their child 'DS is in X situation and I can't do Y because of Z' no one would be saying 'oh you sound so cold'.

How the hell do you know it's the biggest concern? She's asked for advice about one concern on MN. It doesn't mean it's the only thing she's ever been concerned about or discussed with her DH.

Wouldn't be picking for issues where there are none would you? That doesn't sound like this board at all.

And I'm also confused as to why you think knowing how his education is going to work when he gets here is a small issue/concern. It could be the very reason he's coming over here so it's important everyone knows where they stand with it.

No I wouldn't be picking for issues. I generally just answer the question and/or give my opinion.

And I don't think the op sounds like she's given any thought to how her stepson might feel about being "brought" and indeed it doesn't sound like anyone has asked him what he might want to do.

@dribblewibble you have no idea what the circumstances are but have chosen to judge anyway. Typical.

Again though you have absolutely nothing to base that on. OP just asked a factual question.

What did you want her to say? 'I love my step son soooooooo much and we are all so looking forward to him being here and whether or not I pay for his education will be totally up to him'.

You absolutely are picking for and making up issues. You've nothing to base your assumptions on. All we have here is a woman who can't afford to pay for both the education of a step child and her own children so is asking a question.

Hang on what? my income is taken into account by student finance for the DSC?! I don't have to pay though do I?!

Anyway OP I think it will vary by school. Could you consider living in separate houses?

If you live with the resident parent yes.

It is a factual question though. Not a question about how to help child settle etc. It's a practical question, such as those posted in the money or legal sections.

Ah! OK we best give the ex a heads up about this.

Sorry for derailing. So ex's partner would have to pay towards the DSC's uni? This doesn't seem fair at all!

Well he wouldn't necessarily have to pay. But his income would affect what loans DSC would be entitled to.