DP and ex

[UneasyMe]

DP and I have been together for three years and we’re very happy together day-to-day. We both have young children from our previous relationships who we share care of with our respective exes. We don’t live together and we’re both happy with that.

His relationship with his ex-W is good: they cooperate well with their kids, they are respectful towards each other, they are friendly. I’ve always seen that as a good thing… But now they’ve gone on holiday together, they will share a twin room, and I just feel horrible. I raised this with him and he reassured me that there’s no attraction, it’s for the kids, I must trust him. But I feel uneasy and tearful.

Legally they are not a ‘family unit’.

nor are they a single ‘family unit’ in the eyes of many children with divorced parents.

Often the best parenting involves supporting a child to accept what it, not that which they wish was the case…

I think I would have been more damaged as a child if my parents continued to play happy families when they had split up. I cannot see the benefit in the pretence of it all.

Whether or not he’s intending to cheat is irrelevant, it’s his lack of boundaries that’s the issue. Let’s not pretend that in the majority of serious relationships sharing a room with your ex would be considered anything other than a serious lack of fucks for your new partner’s feelings.

Some people are happy to be in open relationships, doesn’t mean monogamy isn’t the default expectation in the majority of LTRs. Similarly, expecting your partner not to share a room with their ex would be the default expectation in the majority of LTRs, it’s not for the person who’s uncomfortable with it to justify their feelings when what’s being asked of them is so far from the norm. This is not a situation like both parents co-hosting their DC’s birthday party where new partners are also invited. If you really don’t think your kids could cope without extreme recreations of their old family unit like parents sharing a room on holiday at least 3 years post-separation then you have no business being in a new relationship.

It just makes the parents feel good about themselves playing pretend families.

No sign of OP but I would be keen to know the ages of the children. If they are tiny then it would make more sense for one child to share with each parent. If they are bigger then they don't really need both parents on holiday and certainly not sharing a room.