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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Is it fair to ask him to pay more in the school holidays?

52 replies

LightningAndRainbows · 14/08/2022 21:19

My DH and I have a joint account. Into which we pay an amount to cover everything for me, him, our shared DC and DSC this amount is split accordning to income. He pays maintenance out of "his" pot. Is it fair of me to ask him to shove an extra £50 in when the DSC are here for longer than their usual weekend? They are here for two weeks now and our food bill has shot up.

OP posts:
Scoobydoobydo · 14/08/2022 21:29

No it's not fair to ask this

lunar1 · 14/08/2022 21:32

School holidays cost a fortune, don't all parents end up paying more out? How did he think all the extras were being covered? You shouldn't be having to ask!

MugginsOverEre · 14/08/2022 21:32

Sure it's fair! You should not be sucking up the extra costs.

Joopy · 14/08/2022 21:32

Absolutely fair. He should be paying for his child.

Earlymenopausesucks · 14/08/2022 21:32

If it’s shot up can’t you just tell DH ‘we are usually X but with costs increasing it was Y to feed us all last week, we will need to put Z extra into the joint account at the moment’?

NegroniNonna · 14/08/2022 21:35

He should offer without being asked!

Original poster
LightningAndRainbows · 14/08/2022 21:45

Earlymenopausesucks · 14/08/2022 21:32

If it’s shot up can’t you just tell DH ‘we are usually X but with costs increasing it was Y to feed us all last week, we will need to put Z extra into the joint account at the moment’?

I could but why should I be paying more for his kids food?

OP posts:
DuchessDarty · 14/08/2022 21:45

Completely fair. I like @Earlymenopausesucks 's way to bring it up. It gives him the chance to offer and so may stave off any resentment you feel for having to ask. It may just not have occurred to him especially if he's not at the coalface.

DuchessDarty · 14/08/2022 21:47

Lol at cross posts

mattressspring · 14/08/2022 21:47

Nope. You shouldn't be paying for his children form the joint pot at all, let alone during the more expensive holidays. Your shared pot should be for there for the 2 of you and the DC you share. The money required for his DC should come from his personal supply, not yours.

Hoolahulahoop · 14/08/2022 21:49

School holidays are expensive. Who is looking after them in the day ?

Original poster
LightningAndRainbows · 14/08/2022 21:53

Hoolahulahoop · 14/08/2022 21:49

School holidays are expensive. Who is looking after them in the day ?

He is

OP posts:
Original poster
LightningAndRainbows · 14/08/2022 21:54

DuchessDarty · 14/08/2022 21:45

Completely fair. I like @Earlymenopausesucks 's way to bring it up. It gives him the chance to offer and so may stave off any resentment you feel for having to ask. It may just not have occurred to him especially if he's not at the coalface.

Hmm I see your point. If I phrase it that way it gives him a chance to go ah yes of course these are my kids costing the extra I shall pay the extra

OP posts:
Original poster
LightningAndRainbows · 14/08/2022 21:54

And then if he doesn't that's when we have issues.

OP posts:
DuchessDarty · 14/08/2022 21:55

Yes exactly.

That's how I'd play, give him the benefit of the doubt or, to put it another way, potentially set him up Wink

Original poster
LightningAndRainbows · 14/08/2022 21:55

Scoobydoobydo · 14/08/2022 21:29

No it's not fair to ask this

Would you mind elaborating? In my mind it is fair given that I am paying into the joint pot for all the rest of the time.

OP posts:
Original poster
LightningAndRainbows · 14/08/2022 21:57

DuchessDarty · 14/08/2022 21:55

Yes exactly.

That's how I'd play, give him the benefit of the doubt or, to put it another way, potentially set him up Wink

Heh heh!

OP posts:
Jellytottss · 14/08/2022 21:59

Joopy · 14/08/2022 21:32

Absolutely fair. He should be paying for his child.

His child but they are all siblings. Honestly with this mentality it's a wonder anyone would blend families. Ridiculous how can you raise kids with this pettiness?

NewbieSM · 14/08/2022 22:00

Hmm I think you are being a bit tight tbh, if this was the reverse posters would be up in arms about the husband being petty by resenting feeding your child. You are married, he already pays maintenance out of his personal money and you are complaining about 50 pounds during the school holidays. Presumably school holidays are more expensive in general regardless of the step kids staying, I think you should both add more to the joint account to cover the food bill. If it was paying for uniform or hobbies etc then yeah he should pay, but food? Come on now..

ArnoldBee · 14/08/2022 22:01

So are you putting more in the pot for your child too?
Bottom line - school holidays especially these summer ones need to be budgeted for and discussed.

Yousee · 14/08/2022 22:02

Out of mild curiosity, who do we think should be paying for the kids food if not their own father? Why not their father?

Original poster
LightningAndRainbows · 14/08/2022 22:03

@mattressspring That's how we used to do it but the energy bills etc got a bit confusing and it was really really annoying doing the food shopping so now we're married we simplified it.

OP posts:
mattressspring · 14/08/2022 22:03

Yousee · 14/08/2022 22:02

Out of mild curiosity, who do we think should be paying for the kids food if not their own father? Why not their father?

Nobody is saying their father shouldn't pay?

Original poster
LightningAndRainbows · 14/08/2022 22:04

NewbieSM · 14/08/2022 22:00

Hmm I think you are being a bit tight tbh, if this was the reverse posters would be up in arms about the husband being petty by resenting feeding your child. You are married, he already pays maintenance out of his personal money and you are complaining about 50 pounds during the school holidays. Presumably school holidays are more expensive in general regardless of the step kids staying, I think you should both add more to the joint account to cover the food bill. If it was paying for uniform or hobbies etc then yeah he should pay, but food? Come on now..

Money is tight so yes I am being tight

OP posts:
ClocksGoingBackwards · 14/08/2022 22:04

Does the contribution that you each put into the joint account at the moment cover everything you need during the holidays? If it does then it’s not a problem, but if it doesn’t then yes he should pay more.