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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Saying no to DSD having a sleepover tonight

42 replies

Nottonightpls · 09/08/2022 09:50

Feel like I'm the only bloody sane one with this.

DSD is asking for a sleepover tonight with two friends. She has them quite often so it's not like we always say no. But (understandably being kids!) she and her friends often have to be told a lot to keep it down as we have a baby asleep from 7pm. We don't expect them to be silent but no shrieking or screaming and so on.

Anyway, baby is usually pretty good at sleeping so it's not usually an issue.

However baby is really poorly at the moment with some sort of virus, off food, been sick a few times and really struggling to sleep. I am absolutely exhausted (I'm at home so doing all the nights as DH working). Getting baby to sleep is a mission as is keeping them asleep at the moment.

Anyway DSD has asked us this morning if her two friends can stay and DH has basically put it on me and said I'm being awkward and not letting his daughter 'have fun' by saying no and that he'll make sure they keep it down. They won't though, I know this from previous experience and usually I wouldn't mind but at the moment if they wake up the baby if I manage to get them to sleep it will be hell. Add to that I'm very stressed and tired myself and don't want the extra work if they do wake baby up.

I'm insisting not tonight, she can either go and stay at a friend's OR they can stay another night when baby is better. But I'm just being awkward apparently.

Surely this is reasonable. I wouldn't let any child of mine have a sleepover, which I know is likely to be a bit noisy, when another child of mine was really poorly and needs the rest / peace.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Sarahcoggles · 09/08/2022 09:52

YANBU.
I hate sleepovers, they basically ensure no one sleeps well.
And why would the friends want to risk catching the virus?

Original poster

Nottonightpls · 09/08/2022 09:53

Sarahcoggles · 09/08/2022 09:52

YANBU.
I hate sleepovers, they basically ensure no one sleeps well.
And why would the friends want to risk catching the virus?

Well exactly! I said this too but apparently it's fine because they won't even be around the baby

tbf it's been about a week an half so far and none of us have caught it. I have a doctor's app today for baby to check what is going on.

OP posts:

Alloutatsea · 09/08/2022 09:54

You are absolutely NOT being unreasonable!!

whatstheteamarie · 09/08/2022 09:56

If your DH wants his daughter to have a sleepover then he can be in charge of both the girls and the baby all night and you take yourself off to bed with some earplugs for a full nights sleep and leave them to it.

If he's expecting you to deal with the baby then the answer is no.

Also, what kind of parent would want their DC to be in the house of a baby with a virus; the likelihood is your DSC and her mates will catch it and it'll spoil their holiday, which seems crazy if it can be avoided.

liveforsummer · 09/08/2022 09:56

You don't want other kids coming in to a house where there is a sickness bug anyway. I'd be annoyed as the other parent if my dc were invited in those circumstances

Shinyandnew1 · 09/08/2022 09:58

DH has basically put it on me and said I'm being awkward and not letting his daughter 'have fun' by saying no and that he'll make sure they keep it down.

How is he going to be doing that if he’s at work. Sorry, but you have a DH problem.

lunar1 · 09/08/2022 09:58

I'd be pretty pissed off at unknowingly sending my child to a house with an currently unknown virus, what on earth is your husband thinking!

I hope you get some answers at the doctors today and you baby is on the mend.

Quitelikeit · 09/08/2022 09:59

How about you compromise and say next week?

then baby will be better!

not a fan of sleepovers but I do occasionally allow them

HollowTalk · 09/08/2022 10:02

Why can't one of the other parents have the girls over? Why does it have to be at your house?

I'd say no, the baby's not well, let's arrange it for another time. As for your husband, he needs to get a grip and see your POV here.

ldontWanna · 09/08/2022 10:02

Quitelikeit · 09/08/2022 09:59

How about you compromise and say next week?

then baby will be better!

not a fan of sleepovers but I do occasionally allow them

She did but that's not good enough for her husband.

ldontWanna · 09/08/2022 10:04

He let you decide, you said no and rightly so. The world won't end,no one will die, the sleepover can be next week. Unless he's willing to look after the baby and sort the girls out while you catch up on some much needed sleep,he has no say.

How's DSD taking it? Is she even that fussed?

excelledyourself · 09/08/2022 10:04

YANBU. Not in the slightest.

If your baby was just a rubbish sleeper, I'd say let them have the sleepover on the condition that DH deal with the baby all night. But your baby is unwell and should get as much uninterrupted sleep as possible.

Your DH really doesn't sound very considerate.

onelittlefrog · 09/08/2022 10:05

YANBU. It's your home and you are perfectly within your rights to not have sleepovers there, for whatever reason. I'm amazed you allow it at all with a small baby, even when the baby isn't poorly. It's OK to say no.
Also your husband is being really unhelpful - he should be backing you up in a unanimous decision.

OriginalUsername2 · 09/08/2022 10:07

Just tell DP you won’t have other people’s kids round when the baby is unwell. Stick to your boundary and let them sulk.

Sswhinesthebest · 09/08/2022 10:08

No, unless he agrees to dealing with baby and girls!

ChloeKellyIsAnIcon · 09/08/2022 10:10

Tell him that he is 100% responsible for getting the baby to sleep then!

Original poster

Nottonightpls · 09/08/2022 10:19

Honestly my stance would be no different if DH said he'd deal with the baby all night. It's still unfair for a sick baby to be woken up whoever was then dealing with them, in my opinion.

DSD sulking a bit but I don't care, I'm annoyed DH has put this on me and left it to me to be the bad guy.

He says it's not her fault she has a baby sibling and I get that which is why in normal times I don't mind and let her have friends over. But not when baby is sick. That's unfair. On everyone. It's also not our baby's fault that they have an older sister who wants a sleepover when they are poorly!

OP posts:

MeridianB · 09/08/2022 10:51

How old is DSD? Could she do the sleepover at the friends this time and have them stay another time (when you could take baby to your family overnight, perhaps)?

I agree you DH is being unreasonable.

aSofaNearYou · 09/08/2022 11:01

YANBU and your DH is being a selfish prick about this.

The "it's not their fault they have a baby sibling" mentality is a red flag for me. Like you say, it's not the younger child's fault they have an older sibling either, it's not an excuse to constantly prioritise the older one.

gogohmm · 09/08/2022 11:04

How old are they? Could they camp in the garden? I must admit it depends on how long ago you allowed it, if last week yanbu if it's months ago and it's the only night everyone can do then I would allow it with conditions

Yousee · 09/08/2022 11:09

it's not her fault she has a baby sibling
This sort of thing comes from the keyboards of the snakes on this board all the time but to hear it come from an unwell baby's own father is just horrible!
I'd absolutely be painting a vivid picture of how his shitty attitude is going to lead to one child becoming a spoilt little brat and the other having all sorts of self esteem issues. He needs to sort himself out.
And you are absolutely not unreasonable. It's yours and baby's home too and sometimes your needs will have to come first. That's what being a family is all about.

stepmonster69 · 09/08/2022 11:11

That would be a no from me. Your husband isn't even at home is he - why should you have to deal with it all?

DuchessDarty · 09/08/2022 11:51

stepmonster69 · 09/08/2022 11:11

That would be a no from me. Your husband isn't even at home is he - why should you have to deal with it all?

Where do you get that he won’t be at home from? The OP didn’t say this.

The DH said he’d make sure the girls will keep it down, implying he’s be there.

Not that I think you should say yes OP. This is straightforward: ill baby, no to sleepover. Suggest an alternative date for a week or so’s time.

A week and a half is quite long for a baby to be ill that so I hope the doctor’s appointment can sort it.

stepmonster69 · 09/08/2022 11:52

OP said he was working.

DuchessDarty · 09/08/2022 11:57

I think you misunderstood @stepmonster69

The OP said she’s at home so has been doing all the nights as the DH is working. Pretty sure the OP meant as she’s not working during the day but the DH is, she’s been seeing to the baby at night so the DH can sleep (to be rested for work the next day).

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