Saying no to DSD having a sleepover tonight

[Nottonightpls]

Feel like I'm the only bloody sane one with this.

DSD is asking for a sleepover tonight with two friends. She has them quite often so it's not like we always say no. But (understandably being kids!) she and her friends often have to be told a lot to keep it down as we have a baby asleep from 7pm. We don't expect them to be silent but no shrieking or screaming and so on.

Anyway, baby is usually pretty good at sleeping so it's not usually an issue.

However baby is really poorly at the moment with some sort of virus, off food, been sick a few times and really struggling to sleep. I am absolutely exhausted (I'm at home so doing all the nights as DH working). Getting baby to sleep is a mission as is keeping them asleep at the moment.

Anyway DSD has asked us this morning if her two friends can stay and DH has basically put it on me and said I'm being awkward and not letting his daughter 'have fun' by saying no and that he'll make sure they keep it down. They won't though, I know this from previous experience and usually I wouldn't mind but at the moment if they wake up the baby if I manage to get them to sleep it will be hell. Add to that I'm very stressed and tired myself and don't want the extra work if they do wake baby up.

I'm insisting not tonight, she can either go and stay at a friend's OR they can stay another night when baby is better. But I'm just being awkward apparently.

Surely this is reasonable. I wouldn't let any child of mine have a sleepover, which I know is likely to be a bit noisy, when another child of mine was really poorly and needs the rest / peace.

Oh ok, my mistake. But I still wouldn't have unnecessary visitors in the house with a sick baby.

This isn't even a stepchild issue, is it? It's a 'we don't want overnight guests while the baby is ill' issue. Just tell DSD that as soon as your baby is better she can invite her friends over.

There are two other families in this set up who could host a sleepover, and they probably don’t have poorly babies.

It would a straight no from me, but I’d probably suggest a compromise of hosting at the weekend instead with a tent in the garden and put dp in charge of all the dc Inc baby and have a break op.

Oh no stick to your guns

Your DH has his guilt glasses on. Jesus wept I think we have a thread where we all agree ! Hurrah

Also red flag to the comment about the baby. Christ. I would say you wouldn't say that in a nuclear family why is it ok in this family ? .. large pause

YANBU.

If your DH insists, then he is the one to look after the baby, not just the one who is going to tell them to stop making noise.
I would be tempted to make myself very scarce too.

It’s always easy to say YES when it’s not you doing all the hard work (which he has no idea about because he has never done it Btw - he would be in for a massive shock)

I would say no to this too, and tbh the fact that your DH is not giving a second thought to all the issues this will genuinely cause for his baby and for you just goes to show how little he's pulling his weight with said baby!

If he was the one taking forever to get the baby to sleep, then back to sleep, rinse and repeat, he'd be saying the same thing as you.

Personally I think your DH is being a wally. But I'd let him go ahead as long as I got a lie in and got to get up and have a shower before dealing with baby in the morning. He can deal with the vomiting.

Hope you stayed strong OP; when DSD has friend to stay over I brace myself for the younger ones to be woken but if they were ill I’d certainly say no.

YANBU

DSD has a baby sibling, end of, eveyrone has to make sacrifices for other people some times, this is one of them and she needs to learn that. DH does too by the sounds of it!!

Sounds like Disney dadding to me! He needs to get a grip and realise saying no once won't mean DSD hates him forever. It's part of being a parent, and part of being a sibling!

I find that babies often sleep through the loudest noises. I've been at parties with music blaring and amazingly babies sleep without a care in the world...but maybe not in this case.

Kids can’t always have what they want, I would be really annoyed with your DH for making you look like the bad guy. I am a family mediator and Disney dads piss me right off.

being on mat leave should not mean one parent works 24 h a day while the other just goes to work during the day like usual and sleeps at night like usual. In your position I would wake my Dh tonight and ask him to take baby for an hour. I wake my Dh regularly overnight if I’ve been up for an hour and he takes a turn with baby so I can get some sleep before the next wake up.

YANBU. I hate sleepovers anyway so I mostly say no!

Why doesn't she go to one of the other two house tonight ??

YANBU. If I was the parent of one of the other girls I wouldn’t be amused that the sleep over was allowed to go ahead with a sick child in the house. Baby is sick and Baby needs rest to recover. Simple as that. DSD can have her sleepover another time when her little brother or sister isn’t ill. Time she got used to having a sibling. Learning at a young age to be considerate of others is a good thing. And as for your DH… don’t be swayed by his “poor widdle stepdaughter” routine. It got to the stage in my household where at 12 my now wonderful 24yo stepdaughter told her father to knock off the favouritism, COD coddling because it annoyed her and she’s always been mature for her age and thoughtful of others.

Completely agree.

What an awful thing to say.

YANBU.