Today's the day

[Babyghirl]

Hand hold today day is the day dscs find out they are going to have a brother or sister, I'm leaving dp down stairs with them to tell them to give them time to take it in, as his oldest is 15 and don't know what way he will take it.

Hope it goes ok. My dsc felt a little odd but I told them it was ok to be unsure how they felt about it. Then they jsut didn't seem to care much!

Good luck! FWIW, even if it's a bad reaction - my DSC hit the roof when they first found out, and are now besotted and the best older siblings ever.

@Ontomatopea
@Tigertealeaves
Thank you I will leave him to talk to them and they can come to me if they have any questions, I have had 4 miscarriages before this pregnancy so want it to be a happy moment, never got past 10 weeks I'm now 16+4 still so nervous but have to try and relax x

Good luck!

You can do it you can do it !

It will be ok. Believe me I had a nightmare everything pregnancy/birth and I'm here to tell you it will be ok (no matter the reactions)

Massive handhold, I wish you calming vibes and sending you a massive hug after your losses. Pregnancy after loss is just the balls.

My 13sd was bit grossed out the old people had sex enough to conceive but she got her head around it.

You don't have to apologise for this. If things go ary there's the step parent support thread bumping around. Lots of us have been there, I get the anxiety over telling the DSC and after losses the fear can feel just soul destroying !

We got you and you have got this 🌈 babies make my soul sing 🌈

Wishing you the best with your pregnancy

How did it go ?? 🤞🏼

Congratulations btw xx

Why are you hiding away not proudly telling the dc your news together?

How did it go?

Congratulations on your pregnancy. x

@pitchforksandflamethrowers
Thank you so much, pregnancy after loss is just awful but I got to believe this baby is going to be OK x

@DebussytoaDiscoBeat
Thank you x

@Ontomatopea

Thank you don't think I will ever relax x

@user237363826
They did not come to stay we think maybe dm has got the news and has stopped them from coming, because any other time they packed waiting on dp picking them up. X

@Hotenoughtoburnasausage
I'm not hiding dp son had anxiety issues and adhd, so we thought it would be best if dp tells him alone so he can show his true response to the news as he won't if im there. X

@LadyCluck
They did not come to stay we think maybe dm has got the news and has stopped them from coming, because any other time they packed waiting on dp picking them up. But she has not mentioned anything to dp about knowing. X

Is there a way that their mum might have found out already though - have you told a lot of other people? Hopefully just a coincidence and it's all good when the news is out there!

And congratulations btw! Sending lots of positive wishes for the rest of the pregnancy x

I hope it’s not due to the fact that their mum found out first. The respectful and correct thing to do would be to tell your step children before sharing the news around…

@whatthehelldowecare
Thank you hoping that's not the reason and its just a one off. X

@Derbee
We told family and his sis tagged him in a post yesterday for baby stuff for sale and his sis has the ex on Facebook so we thinking she has prop seen it. Hoping it's not the case at all she has not txt dp about it so if she does know she is quiting on dp saying something first. X

It's easily possible a 15 year old has seen the post themselves. I imagine it would be a pretty upsetting third hand way to find out pregnancy news. Or the mum could have seen it and asked her DC.

He lost his chance to tell them first by telling other family members first instead.

What was the reason given for them not coming?

I disagree with those who think siblings must be told first in all cases. We told both sets of grandparents before DSC. They could be trusted not to spread it about though. If the DSC's reaction may not be positive, then for the sake of the person actually having the baby, it's nice to get a supportive adult response first. Especially if you are a FTM or pregnant after a loss. That one day after telling parents was the only time that my pregnancy was really allowed to be about me. Also, talking it through with the DGPs helped us decide how to approach conversation with DSC in the first place.

What was wrong was the sister going anywhere near social media with it. Maybe he didn't make it clear enough that it wasn't "public knowledge" but if someone told me they were pregnant I'd always ask who knows at the moment. Once something is on social media you have to assume the whole world knows and I wouldn't be doing that with someone else's news if they hadn't first.

OP, maybe your partner needs to be upfront asking why DSC didn't come. If they found it out second hand he needs to apologise to them.

@lunar1
We wanted family to know first cause if dsc found out he would be straight on the phone to there mum then her and her family would of known before are own family's.

@Tigertealeaves
I agree I wanted family to know first, I have had 4 miscarriages so not had an easy time of it, if dsc knew first we know they would of been straight on to there mum which meant her and her family would of known before anybody and that just did not seem right, he's taken them out today so will talk to them when he's out with them.

You told family - fair enough but did not tell them to be quiet until x date.
They posted obvious things on facebook before you both told a very important part of your family - the SDCs.

They are your family and your DCs family.

Seriously - if the SDCs are pissed off that they are quite obviously the last people to be told they are getting a new sibling I would not be surprised. You and their DF have pretty well told them - new family first - we get round to you guys later.

I hope for everyones sake they are cool with the news and pleased .

Good luck with the pregnancy. ( 4 +1 before I get there - worth the wait though)

It's perfectly normal for DSC to be the last to know - because they're children. Lots of us don't tell the kids until the chance of MC has gone down to shield them, it's not as essential with adults.

Our parents knew a long time before my DD, or DSS for that matter.

People here are being ridiculous.

Agree with @lookluv The DSCs are your DH’s family - way more so than inlaws, parents, siblings etc. But done now

Hope it goes well and you have a healthy and happy pregnancy. Congratulations!

We wanted family to know first cause if dsc found out he would be straight on the phone to there mum then her and her family would of known before are own family's. I absolutely get this. I think your family should have had a little more tact and waited until you'd told the DSC though. Hopefully it won't cause too much stress and drama. Your DH should probably go round and take the kids out for a walk and tell them or something. Mum's being a right moo if she's stopped the contact because of that.

How are they more family than parents and siblings? It's not a competition, these are all equally close relations. The key difference being the adult one's are more capable of understanding without being upset if something goes awry in the pregnancy.

I’m much closer to DH and DCs than I am to my siblings and was to my parents -I think that’s more the case than not? Anyway, oldest is 15 so almost adult. Pretty tough to hear second hand that you’re going to have a brother or sister. If the other DSCs are much younger then they’re more likely to feel displaced. A bit more sensitivity would have been wiser here.

Christ alive! his sister basically announced it on Facebook. In any situation that’s a pretty poor show. Hope the DSCs find out properly and react in good spirit.

I’m much closer to DH and DCs than I am to my siblings and was to my parents -I think that’s more the case than not? Anyway, oldest is 15 so almost adult. Pretty tough to hear second hand that you’re going to have a brother or sister. If the other DSCs are much younger then they’re more likely to feel displaced. A bit more sensitivity would have been wiser here.

I don't think it's more the case than not at all. Most people will claim to love their children more than anyone else due to the kind of love it is, sure, but it's perfectly natural to view your own parents and siblings as as closely related to you.

Yes they shouldn't have found out second hand and people should have been careful to avoid that. But it's perfectly normal for those people to have known first.