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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Really struggling with being a SM

60 replies

Krcforest · 05/07/2022 21:11

I've been with my partner for over a year and he's got a daughter who's just turned nine. We live together and are now 9 weeks pregnant with our own baby. My partner is quite wealthy and spoils his daughter a lot because be only has her every other weekend. This has been fine because I stood back and just let him do what he wants as she's his child. But since we moved into a house together she doesn't respect either of us or our house or anything in it. She says horrible things and he doesn't do anything about it. When she's with us all she eats is chocolate and crisps, I ear really healthy and make kid friendly meals for every meal for her and she just sits on her phone and refuses to eat it. Her dad ends up just letting her eat her desert instead and it's really getting to me because our child will not be allowed to act like that and I don't think its fair that she'll be allowed to eat whatever she wants. Also the rubbish food is causing her stomach problems and she's had poo accidents while with us. Anytime I try to speak to my partner about it he says that I'm attacking his parenting and he's just trying to stop her from having a meltdown. He says he doesn't believe in discipline and he just tells her that she's upsetting him but she honestly doesn't care and just laughs in his face.

OP posts:
00100001 · 07/07/2022 08:13

ThinkWise · 06/07/2022 13:29

I come from different lifestyle, so cant suggest like others. I appreciate you got good bonding with your SD.As someone advised here, try to sort her food by involving her as this can happen to any child of our own and we go in this route only. This is pattern due to family transition especially. He is working long hours , so he can not put his 100% on parenting, doesn't mean he is crap. No one is perfect in this world. May be she would be positive with you when she come to know the news about new baby!! I personally never prefer grandparents. Believe in yourself is what I could suggest. I really appreciate , your partner is not planning to make some other food for her, means he is valuing your efforts too. Her mom should sort this out ,not him honestly. He can't make her understand about healthy eating in just an alternate weekends.

She all the women should sort the child and her problems out. OP has to do the cooking and get child enthused....Dad gets an out because he works? Mother has to educate the child on healthy eating.... Because dad works....

It's people like you with these sexist attitudes that allow me to be shit father's and somehow blame it the women in the kids life...

ThinkWise · 07/07/2022 10:51

00100001 · 07/07/2022 08:13

She all the women should sort the child and her problems out. OP has to do the cooking and get child enthused....Dad gets an out because he works? Mother has to educate the child on healthy eating.... Because dad works....

It's people like you with these sexist attitudes that allow me to be shit father's and somehow blame it the women in the kids life...

Show quote history

I only respect some one work long hours. doesn't matter male or female. Once OP's situation changed she is complaining. But she clearly knew his parenting skills before moving in. So if she doesn't like SD, she can happily leave.

beachcitygirl · 07/07/2022 14:41

I would be on a plane so fast my feet wouldn't touch the ground.

RedWingBoots · 07/07/2022 14:54

@ThinkWise No she didn't know his parenting skills. She saw a brief snapshot of his interaction with his DD because the child wasn't around much.

OP you need to get away from him before your child is born. If you don't you will end up fighting to take the child on holiday to see your family in the US and won't have a chance to move there. Oh and his DD isn't your concern. He's rich enough to take holidays in the US that include bringing his DD along.

GetThatHelmetOn · 07/07/2022 20:41

The thing is that NOBODY knows how good or bad parent a man is going to be until the kid is around for long periods. As many of us divorced people would say, it is ok to own up, accept you made a mistake and re start your life putting your child first (remember that whatever people say, a child with separated but happy parents has a much higher chance to have a happy childhood than one who is growing up with parents who are unhappy and resentful of each other)

ThinkWise · 08/07/2022 00:11

RedWingBoots · 07/07/2022 14:54

@ThinkWise No she didn't know his parenting skills. She saw a brief snapshot of his interaction with his DD because the child wasn't around much.

OP you need to get away from him before your child is born. If you don't you will end up fighting to take the child on holiday to see your family in the US and won't have a chance to move there. Oh and his DD isn't your concern. He's rich enough to take holidays in the US that include bringing his DD along.

May be we referring different part of OP's context. She knew. Doesn't matter now what she knew or not if she want to think it's only her baby and move away. I think many suggesting to flee now, so that OP or her baby get no relation at all with Dad. I should not oppose this, but any thing else is questionable.

toomuchlaundry · 08/07/2022 00:18

How did he look after his DD, do the school runs etc when you weren’t on the scene?

BungleandGeorge · 08/07/2022 00:35

You say he has her every other weekend and works that time but then refer to you doing school drop offs and clubs? So do you have her during the week as well? I’d move to your parents tbh, he’s not a good parent, he has his daughter a minimal amount of time and then spends it working. He doesn’t discipline and takes the easy way out to avoid doing the work of parenting. He’s not suddenly going to be a good parent to your child

ThinkWise · 08/07/2022 13:04

OP, I must congratulate for your pregnancy too. Happy for you. but please do not have shared parenting and rant about dad and his DD , if you move out and happy. That's it you wanted and not his money or care. your baby is your gain.

Spohn · 10/07/2022 13:11

At least you are fully aware of what type of trash you picked, you know for a fact that your kid will be burdened with a father who ‘doesn’t bother’, who openly doesn’t care about his kids and refuses to parent.

Not a great idea for the child’s fathers new girlfriend to be trying to parent her, must be really confusing for her.

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