I don´t know what to do anymore.
I have been together with my partner for almost 3 years now. He has 2 kids from his previous marriage and I don´t. The kids are 11 and 9. I´ve always wanted a child of my own but in my previous relationship it just didn´t happen. When me and my partner now got together, it was one of the first things we talked about.
I am 34 and since a couple of months I really wanted a child. My partner wasn´t feeling ready because out relationship is rocky sometimes. I think he is the man of my dreams.
To make a long story short, I wasn´t taking birth control behalve my body can´t stand it and he tried to keep me happy by not pulling out for 2 times. I became pregnant. When I told him, the first thing he said was "What will we do when we will separate? I will have to deal with 3 children"
That was devasting for me. He tried and I tried but eventually he really couldn´t prepare himself to be a dad and I wasn´t feeling it. It just wasn´t what me child deserved and what I dreamed of. So we decided to abort. Now I am full of resentment. It´s only 3 weeks ago and he almost hasn´t been there for me. He´s opened his eyes now because he can finally see how broken I am. I know it was my decision too, but I just feel so bad. My dream had shattered and I rally don´t want to be around his kids. I´m jealous because they got to live and my baby wasn´t welcome.
I just don´t know... he tells me he wants to become ready and then wants to give me a baby, but I don´t know how I will ever get over this.