So statistically and anecdotally being a step mum is so much harder than being a step dad, why do you think that is?
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Step-parenting
Why is being a step mum harder than stepdad?
thatsnotmydog · 14/06/2022 18:25
toomuchlaundry · 14/06/2022 22:15
I assume financially though stepdads end up paying more for their stepkids than stepmums do.
You get many stepmums saying they would hate it if the stepkids moved in permanently, stepdads have to put up with that more often
BiscoffSundae · 14/06/2022 22:28
Exactly. I don’t buy step mums have it harder, it’s much harder living in a house and raising a child 90% of the time than it is having a child in your house eow! Step mums often claim they do everything but how much are you actually doing a weekend a fortnight 🤷♀️
toomuchlaundry · 14/06/2022 22:15
I assume financially though stepdads end up paying more for their stepkids than stepmums do.
You get many stepmums saying they would hate it if the stepkids moved in permanently, stepdads have to put up with that more often
toomuchlaundry · 14/06/2022 22:15
I assume financially though stepdads end up paying more for their stepkids than stepmums do.
You get many stepmums saying they would hate it if the stepkids moved in permanently, stepdads have to put up with that more often
toomuchlaundry · 14/06/2022 22:15
I assume financially though stepdads end up paying more for their stepkids than stepmums do.
You get many stepmums saying they would hate it if the stepkids moved in permanently, stepdads have to put up with that more often
Dontknownow86 · 14/06/2022 18:27
Because you are expected to do everything their mother does with absolutely no thanks and with smile on your face and if you fall below the expected par for a mother you are an evil witch. Plus from experience lots of people tend to assume you must have had an affair (seriously) so tray you like a harlot.
HumptyDumpty2022 · 14/06/2022 22:33
But why should they? This argument that
step mums have it easy because they only have the kids EOW misses the point spectacularly! They’re not her kids??
BiscoffSundae · 14/06/2022 22:28
Exactly. I don’t buy step mums have it harder, it’s much harder living in a house and raising a child 90% of the time than it is having a child in your house eow! Step mums often claim they do everything but how much are you actually doing a weekend a fortnight 🤷♀️
toomuchlaundry · 14/06/2022 22:15
I assume financially though stepdads end up paying more for their stepkids than stepmums do.
You get many stepmums saying they would hate it if the stepkids moved in permanently, stepdads have to put up with that more often
toomuchlaundry · 14/06/2022 22:45
@FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander what about situations where the biological dad buggered off and never pays maintenance and no divorce settlement. In that situation stepdad will finance the kids and if the DC were young probably become ‘dad’ to the kids. Something most stepmums say they would never do
FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander · 14/06/2022 22:47
EOW is often worse because you have so little influence or control. And their father’s guilt based parenting makes things so much worse. The children’s presence is the execration, rather than the rule, which means it’s inherently disruptive (whereas it’s the norm in the other house, and the EOW contact is a nice break). The disruption very easily becomes quite negative with the Disney dad factor.
You’re always the outsider. Expected to do and contribute everything but, at the same time, to cede all control or influence over your own life. And everyone - the children, both their parents, their extended family - are very keen to cast you as the handy villain at the drop of a hat.
Meanwhile the stepdad is lauded for having done so much as made beans on toast for them.
Having my own children in the house - one most of the time, the other all the time - is much, much easier than EOW with SC (especially SC whose parents’ attitudes and behaviour make them hostile towards me). I’ve got a toddler 100% of the time and a full-time job and it is much less stressful than that was.
BiscoffSundae · 14/06/2022 23:01
Ok so In your theory do dads who only see their kids eow have it harder than the mum then whose with them the rest of the time?! 🤦🏻
FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander · 14/06/2022 22:47
EOW is often worse because you have so little influence or control. And their father’s guilt based parenting makes things so much worse. The children’s presence is the execration, rather than the rule, which means it’s inherently disruptive (whereas it’s the norm in the other house, and the EOW contact is a nice break). The disruption very easily becomes quite negative with the Disney dad factor.
You’re always the outsider. Expected to do and contribute everything but, at the same time, to cede all control or influence over your own life. And everyone - the children, both their parents, their extended family - are very keen to cast you as the handy villain at the drop of a hat.
Meanwhile the stepdad is lauded for having done so much as made beans on toast for them.
Having my own children in the house - one most of the time, the other all the time - is much, much easier than EOW with SC (especially SC whose parents’ attitudes and behaviour make them hostile towards me). I’ve got a toddler 100% of the time and a full-time job and it is much less stressful than that was.
toomuchlaundry · 14/06/2022 22:45
@FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander what about situations where the biological dad buggered off and never pays maintenance and no divorce settlement. In that situation stepdad will finance the kids and if the DC were young probably become ‘dad’ to the kids. Something most stepmums say they would never do
Reallyreallyborednow · 14/06/2022 23:03
Ok so In your theory do dads who only see their kids eow have it harder than the mum then whose with them the rest of the time?!
would you be ok with only seeing your kids eow?
Reallyreallyborednow · 14/06/2022 23:03
Ok so In your theory do dads who only see their kids eow have it harder than the mum then whose with them the rest of the time?!
would you be ok with only seeing your kids eow?
BiscoffSundae · 14/06/2022 23:01
Ok so In your theory do dads who only see their kids eow have it harder than the mum then whose with them the rest of the time?! 🤦🏻
FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander · 14/06/2022 22:47
EOW is often worse because you have so little influence or control. And their father’s guilt based parenting makes things so much worse. The children’s presence is the execration, rather than the rule, which means it’s inherently disruptive (whereas it’s the norm in the other house, and the EOW contact is a nice break). The disruption very easily becomes quite negative with the Disney dad factor.
You’re always the outsider. Expected to do and contribute everything but, at the same time, to cede all control or influence over your own life. And everyone - the children, both their parents, their extended family - are very keen to cast you as the handy villain at the drop of a hat.
Meanwhile the stepdad is lauded for having done so much as made beans on toast for them.
Having my own children in the house - one most of the time, the other all the time - is much, much easier than EOW with SC (especially SC whose parents’ attitudes and behaviour make them hostile towards me). I’ve got a toddler 100% of the time and a full-time job and it is much less stressful than that was.
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Dontknownow86 · 14/06/2022 18:27
Because you are expected to do everything their mother does with absolutely no thanks and with smile on your face and if you fall below the expected par for a mother you are an evil witch. Plus from experience lots of people tend to assume you must have had an affair (seriously) so tray you like a harlot.
User39498 · 14/06/2022 23:17
But the dad isn’t an outsider in his own home etc as described in the second paragraph? Because they have some control, unlike a step mum?
BiscoffSundae · 14/06/2022 23:01
Ok so In your theory do dads who only see their kids eow have it harder than the mum then whose with them the rest of the time?! 🤦🏻
FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander · 14/06/2022 22:47
EOW is often worse because you have so little influence or control. And their father’s guilt based parenting makes things so much worse. The children’s presence is the execration, rather than the rule, which means it’s inherently disruptive (whereas it’s the norm in the other house, and the EOW contact is a nice break). The disruption very easily becomes quite negative with the Disney dad factor.
You’re always the outsider. Expected to do and contribute everything but, at the same time, to cede all control or influence over your own life. And everyone - the children, both their parents, their extended family - are very keen to cast you as the handy villain at the drop of a hat.
Meanwhile the stepdad is lauded for having done so much as made beans on toast for them.
Having my own children in the house - one most of the time, the other all the time - is much, much easier than EOW with SC (especially SC whose parents’ attitudes and behaviour make them hostile towards me). I’ve got a toddler 100% of the time and a full-time job and it is much less stressful than that was.
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