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Step-parenting

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Original poster

AIBU

36 replies

user4327 · 12/06/2022 22:19

Hi would like people perspectives on a matter. My ex has a child with me and another 2 from previously. He had all 3 kids from friday-sunday.

On the friday while our child was at nursery in the afternoon My ex bought the other 2 kids mcdonalds but nothing for our child, surely he should have bought some for her too for when she got home or just waited another hour untill she finished and they could have mcdonalds together.

Am i being ridiculous or was this quite unfair on the youngest.

OP posts:
Youseethethingis1 · 12/06/2022 22:31

You are being ridiculous.
It's exactly the same principle as when the handwringers get all outraged because a step mothers child had a nice time with their father with their half siblings were with their mother. It is petty and unnecessary.
If you were talking about a trip to Disney I'd see your point.

Youseethethingis1 · 12/06/2022 22:32

You are being ridiculous.
It's exactly the same principle as when the handwringers get all outraged because a step mothers child had a nice time with their father with their half siblings were with their mother. It is petty and unnecessary.
If you were talking about a trip to Disney I'd see your point.

negomi90 · 12/06/2022 23:04

Your child wasn't there. His were (and were probably complaining about being hungry)
As long as your child wasn't made to hungry and was given an appropriate dinner by someone at an appropriate time you're being precious and unreasonable.

negomi90 · 12/06/2022 23:05

Your child wasn't there.
His were (and were probably complaining about being hungry)
As long as your child wasn't made to hungry and was given an appropriate dinner by someone at an appropriate time you're being precious and unreasonable.

IstayedForTheFeminism · 12/06/2022 23:09

Yabu. He could hardly have bought it for your dc an hour in advance and reheated it. McDs does not reheat well.

BigYellowElephant · 12/06/2022 23:13

My ex is constantly feeding his older kids McDonalds. No he doesn't bring cold dried up happy meals round to our toddlers to make it fair. They survive

LightDrizzle · 12/06/2022 23:14

YABR!

BaaCake · 13/06/2022 06:27

Your child didn't need feeding at the time. Should he have bought them a happy meal and let it go cold and soggy for them? You're going to have a lot of times where one or other of the children get something the others don't. As long as its not clear favouritism it's fine.

MintyMoocow · 13/06/2022 06:38

Are you jealous of your stepchildren OP? It sounds like it. Be very careful, you absolutely have the power to destroy these children’s lives.
Take a good look at yourself!

CallMeNutribullet · 13/06/2022 06:56

Should your child not get a mcdonalds the 4 days your dsc are with their mum?

Bb16103 · 13/06/2022 08:00

I know the circumstances are different but I understand what OP means, McDonalds in our house we treat it as a treat not a regular. DH has 2 children. A few years back the oldest was at a party & I’d given the younger one lunch, 2 hours later the elder was collected by DH & youngest. DH asked if the oldest was hungry just as they were coming up to McDonald’s & of course he said yes, he could see what was coming up as it’s right near our home. DH bought one for the oldest not the youngest & youngest was sobbing inconsolably not allowed one, as he’d had lunch at home. I was fuming with DH as oldest was as a party with pizza & cake, so imo both boys had eaten & to the youngest it looked like favouritism, where it’s been hyped up to be a treat. It wasn’t about the food it was the feeling of being treated less well.

Bb16103 · 13/06/2022 08:01

To add, oldest was 7 & youngest not yet 5

qpmz · 13/06/2022 08:07

A nursery age child won't even know they've missed out on a MacDonalds unless you tell them! The older two are allowed to enjoy a treat without the little one. I'm sure the baby gets things they don't. Life's not fair but as long as they're loved it's fine.

Eddiesferret · 13/06/2022 08:34

This is possibly the most extreme end of the ridiculous philosophy of 'must treat every child exactly the same' it's complete fucking nonsense !

Your child is at nursery .. !! Really ? So if your DH was out with the toddler and bought them an ice cream would you think him sane or completely unhinged if he ran round to his older kids with replica ice creams lest they think it 'unfair' ?

Several grips appear to have been lost here .

BahHumbug2 · 13/06/2022 08:35

Of course it's fine. Just as it would be fine for him to take the little one whilst the older ones were in school one day. Something huge like a trip to Disney land no, but something like McDonald's? Yes of course it's fine.

I do hope you'll have the people who regularly have a go on these boards about resident children getting anything at all without the SC being there, telling you how awful it is though. Wouldn't want to be seen as hypocritical I hope.

BaaCake · 13/06/2022 08:36

Bb16103 · 13/06/2022 08:00

I know the circumstances are different but I understand what OP means, McDonalds in our house we treat it as a treat not a regular. DH has 2 children. A few years back the oldest was at a party & I’d given the younger one lunch, 2 hours later the elder was collected by DH & youngest. DH asked if the oldest was hungry just as they were coming up to McDonald’s & of course he said yes, he could see what was coming up as it’s right near our home. DH bought one for the oldest not the youngest & youngest was sobbing inconsolably not allowed one, as he’d had lunch at home. I was fuming with DH as oldest was as a party with pizza & cake, so imo both boys had eaten & to the youngest it looked like favouritism, where it’s been hyped up to be a treat. It wasn’t about the food it was the feeling of being treated less well.

That is a completely different situation

BahHumbug2 · 13/06/2022 08:37

In fact if I'm honest, most of our takeaways tend to be bought when DSC isn't there because it gets stupidly expensive the more you buy for.

Youseethethingis1 · 13/06/2022 08:37

@Bb16103 that's dick behaviour in most people's books and absolutely not what happened with OPs DH. He didn't have the little one sobbing and unfed, feeling like they'd done something wrong etc. they were elsewhere and oblivious.
OPs DH dealt with the children he had in his care, no more, no less.

Bb16103 · 13/06/2022 09:17

Oh totally I couldn’t believe it, & it was immediately resolved he went straight back out to get one. I’m just not sure how OP knew the elder ones had a meal & the younger didn’t, I might be making a hell of an assumption but I thought maybe the youngest told her about it & felt put out. I’m trying to think that she wouldn’t just be posting this as for tit-for-tat & she’s left something out of the post

Lizzieismagic · 13/06/2022 09:39

Oh
My
Days.

Youseethethingis1 · 13/06/2022 10:23

Yes, I agree, I think there is a massive back story too as taken at face value there is really nothing here to get upset about.

IstayedForTheFeminism · 13/06/2022 10:30

I might be making a hell of an assumption but I thought maybe the youngest told her about it & felt put out.

Surely it's more likely that OP asked her DP what he'd done with the dc and he told her he took DC1 and 2 to McDs and then picked up DC3?

aSofaNearYou · 13/06/2022 10:39

YABU on this one, McDonalds is not the sort of thing you can save for an hour and it still be nice.

It's interesting to see how much more the comments are against you than in situations where it's the SC missing out on a treat though.

washingwakeup · 13/06/2022 10:52

YABU.

What your ex does with any of his children on his contact time is up to him, and this instance is a complete irrelevance.

Bb16103 · 13/06/2022 10:55

Sadly not all Co-parents are as good as that at communicating, which is probably the reason for half these things escalating!

perfectly 100% normal for dad to treat the older two, the youngest wasn’t even there fgs, but for mum to feel so put out I just feel there’s something missing here, ie she’s asking mumsnet rather than a quick chat with dad to clear it up.

because the info given just sounds so … bonkers a thing to feel upset about, I just have to think there’s more to it, this can’t be all of it?!