AIBU

[user4327]

Hi would like people perspectives on a matter. My ex has a child with me and another 2 from previously. He had all 3 kids from friday-sunday.

On the friday while our child was at nursery in the afternoon My ex bought the other 2 kids mcdonalds but nothing for our child, surely he should have bought some for her too for when she got home or just waited another hour untill she finished and they could have mcdonalds together.

Am i being ridiculous or was this quite unfair on the youngest.

[Icecreamqueen32]

Am I even seeing a thread on this, god this is so trivial.
You really need more interest in your life.

[Ponderingwindow]

If it was the one Mcdonald‘s trip of the year, then it was unfair. Otherwise, surely there will end up being some other occasion when the youngest ends up with a treat that the older ones don’t get. Even when families aren’t blended, with multiple children, sometimes kids aren’t always handled as a unit.

[justamushypea]

I'd be glad my dc didn't have to eat a nasty McDonalds!
Seriously, it does depend on the reason and if the older ones told your little one that he/she had missed out and if he does this sort of thing a lot.
I suppose it's up to him what he does within reason and not worth making a fuss about one meal.

[Bb16103]

I know, I was fuming. He was that age where tantrums happened over everything from crisps being too crispy to the water being too wet bless him, & DH was too dense to see this this wasnt a standard tantrum & actually a bit of a crime against kids. He was thinking in terms of practical ie one is hungry one isn’t, but when you’ve turned McDonald’s into such a big deal treat scenario, you can’t give it to one & not the other when they’re together for god sake

[GlitteryGreen]

Sorry OP, this is an over-reaction. Presumably he just got his children the McDonalds at a time when they needed feeding, and your child just happened not to be there.

[FawnFrenchieMum]

I have two DC, I took on to the McDs drive thru on the way home from college the other day as he an early finish, my other DC was at school. My kids have survived, no ones accused me of having a favorite. I think I may have bought the younger one a milkshake yesterday when the older one stayed at home. Again, no one cared. Add 'step child' to one of the stories and it becomes an issue.

YABVU

[Tothepoint99]

@Bb16103

I know the circumstances are different but I understand what OP means, McDonalds in our house we treat it as a treat not a regular. DH has 2 children. A few years back the oldest was at a party & I’d given the younger one lunch, 2 hours later the elder was collected by DH & youngest. DH asked if the oldest was hungry just as they were coming up to McDonald’s & of course he said yes, he could see what was coming up as it’s right near our home. DH bought one for the oldest not the youngest & youngest was sobbing inconsolably not allowed one, as he’d had lunch at home. I was fuming with DH as oldest was as a party with pizza & cake, so imo both boys had eaten & to the youngest it looked like favouritism, where it’s been hyped up to be a treat. It wasn’t about the food it was the feeling of being treated less well.

Aw poor thing.

[IstayedForTheFeminism]

@washingwakeup

They're not together, so probably not.

Whoops. I misread the OP. Sorry

[funinthesun19]

It's interesting to see how much more the comments are against you than in situations where it's the SC missing out on a treat though.

If it was the other way around and the youngest went to McDonald’s with her dad while the older ones where elsewhere until later, this thread would have been full of angry hand wringers. Poor dsc etc..

[funinthesun19]

@MintyMoocow

Are you jealous of your stepchildren OP? It sounds like it. Be very careful, you absolutely have the power to destroy these children’s lives.
Take a good look at yourself!

OP doesn’t have any stepchildren. These kids are her ex’s older children and she and her ex share a child together.


OP, it doesn’t matter that the older children went to McDonald’s. It’s just food. I’m sure he will take them all for one at some point.

I do this sometimes but in reverse. My youngest finishes nursery at lunch time so I sometimes take her for a sneaky McDonald’s while her older siblings are at school. Cheaper for me seeing as I’d have to buy 3 adult meals if her siblings had one too 😄. We all went together a week ago last Sunday, so they still get one at some point.

I think as long as the older children didn’t go weirdly bragging about it then it doesn’t have to be a big deal.

[washingwakeup]

@IstayedForTheFeminism

I might be making a hell of an assumption but I thought maybe the youngest told her about it & felt put out.

Surely it's more likely that OP asked her DP what he'd done with the dc and he told her he took DC1 and 2 to McDs and then picked up DC3?

They're not together, so probably not.

[Bb16103]

Sadly not all Co-parents are as good as that at communicating, which is probably the reason for half these things escalating!

perfectly 100% normal for dad to treat the older two, the youngest wasn’t even there fgs, but for mum to feel so put out I just feel there’s something missing here, ie she’s asking mumsnet rather than a quick chat with dad to clear it up.

because the info given just sounds so … bonkers a thing to feel upset about, I just have to think there’s more to it, this can’t be all of it?!

[washingwakeup]

YABU.

What your ex does with any of his children on his contact time is up to him, and this instance is a complete irrelevance.

[aSofaNearYou]

YABU on this one, McDonalds is not the sort of thing you can save for an hour and it still be nice.

It's interesting to see how much more the comments are against you than in situations where it's the SC missing out on a treat though.

[IstayedForTheFeminism]

I might be making a hell of an assumption but I thought maybe the youngest told her about it & felt put out.

Surely it's more likely that OP asked her DP what he'd done with the dc and he told her he took DC1 and 2 to McDs and then picked up DC3?

[Youseethethingis1]

Yes, I agree, I think there is a massive back story too as taken at face value there is really nothing here to get upset about.

[Lizzieismagic]

Oh
My
Days.

[Bb16103]

Oh totally I couldn’t believe it, & it was immediately resolved he went straight back out to get one. I’m just not sure how OP knew the elder ones had a meal & the younger didn’t, I might be making a hell of an assumption but I thought maybe the youngest told her about it & felt put out. I’m trying to think that she wouldn’t just be posting this as for tit-for-tat & she’s left something out of the post

[Youseethethingis1]

@Bb16103 that's dick behaviour in most people's books and absolutely not what happened with OPs DH. He didn't have the little one sobbing and unfed, feeling like they'd done something wrong etc. they were elsewhere and oblivious.
OPs DH dealt with the children he had in his care, no more, no less.

[BahHumbug2]

In fact if I'm honest, most of our takeaways tend to be bought when DSC isn't there because it gets stupidly expensive the more you buy for.

[BaaCake]

@Bb16103

I know the circumstances are different but I understand what OP means, McDonalds in our house we treat it as a treat not a regular. DH has 2 children. A few years back the oldest was at a party & I’d given the younger one lunch, 2 hours later the elder was collected by DH & youngest. DH asked if the oldest was hungry just as they were coming up to McDonald’s & of course he said yes, he could see what was coming up as it’s right near our home. DH bought one for the oldest not the youngest & youngest was sobbing inconsolably not allowed one, as he’d had lunch at home. I was fuming with DH as oldest was as a party with pizza & cake, so imo both boys had eaten & to the youngest it looked like favouritism, where it’s been hyped up to be a treat. It wasn’t about the food it was the feeling of being treated less well.

That is a completely different situation

[BahHumbug2]

Of course it's fine. Just as it would be fine for him to take the little one whilst the older ones were in school one day. Something huge like a trip to Disney land no, but something like McDonald's? Yes of course it's fine.

I do hope you'll have the people who regularly have a go on these boards about resident children getting anything at all without the SC being there, telling you how awful it is though. Wouldn't want to be seen as hypocritical I hope.

[Eddiesferret]

This is possibly the most extreme end of the ridiculous philosophy of 'must treat every child exactly the same' it's complete fucking nonsense !

Your child is at nursery .. !! Really ? So if your DH was out with the toddler and bought them an ice cream would you think him sane or completely unhinged if he ran round to his older kids with replica ice creams lest they think it 'unfair' ?

Several grips appear to have been lost here .

[qpmz]

A nursery age child won't even know they've missed out on a MacDonalds unless you tell them! The older two are allowed to enjoy a treat without the little one. I'm sure the baby gets things they don't. Life's not fair but as long as they're loved it's fine.

[Bb16103]

To add, oldest was 7 & youngest not yet 5