Threads

See more results

Topics

Usernames

Mumsnet Logo
Please
or
to access all these features

Father’s Day
29

Mumma1799 · 11/06/2022 12:12

Me and my partner have been together nearly a year, he only met my 6 year old 4 months ago & he is fantastic with her, helps me out with childcare when I’m at work & I just couldn’t wish for a better role model for her. She has her dad in her life but my question is, do I get my partner a gift for father day from my daughter?
This is the first relationship I’ve had since me and her dad split up 5 years ago so I’m all new to this, does anyone else do this with their children & partners?
thank you 😊

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

purpleboy · 11/06/2022 12:15

No way, he is not a father to your dc in any way.
They already have a father they don't need a replacement.

Please
or
to access all these features

FishcakesWithTooMuchCoriander · 11/06/2022 12:15

I think, at this point, I wouldn’t even consider it. You’re not really in established stepfather territory at this point so it would be a bit odd.

You could get a more generic card and write a message to him from you thanking you for helping you with your daughter. But it would probably still feel a bit odd to both of you to be doing ‘fathers’ day’.

Please
or
to access all these features

CamsPaisleyCuffs · 11/06/2022 12:16

Personally I'd say no. He's your boyfriend not her stepfather in any meaningful sense except helping out (to help you out I expect). She has a daddy, don't confuse her this early on. Assuming you don't live together yet?

Please
or
to access all these features

Mummumtum · 11/06/2022 12:18

Do you live together?

Please
or
to access all these features

Wednesdayafternoon · 11/06/2022 12:22

No I wouldn't. I imagine that would be really hurtful towards her biological father and also quite confusing for your daughter.
If you wanted to mark the occasion as a way of acknowledging him they do that between the two of you but I would absolutely say to not involve your daughter.
I would be absolutely heartbroken if my ex gave another women a Mother's Day card never mind after just a few months.

Please
or
to access all these features

HumptyDumpty2022 · 11/06/2022 12:23

It’s a bit early. What about a nice card from you in appreciation of all he does for your child on Father’s Day. That way you’re thanking him but it’s from you rather than your daughter.

Please
or
to access all these features

Moosake · 11/06/2022 12:33

No ffs he's only known her 4 months. You might split up with him tomorrow.

Please
or
to access all these features

Moosake · 11/06/2022 12:34

He'll probably potentially right off as well, thinking you're after a replacement dad

Please
or
to access all these features

aSofaNearYou · 11/06/2022 14:29

Not at this point, no.

Please
or
to access all these features

Beamur · 11/06/2022 14:32

No.
If he's still around when she's older, let her decide, not you.
There are some nice step parent cards.
I've never had a card from mine and have no hard feelings about it.

Please
or
to access all these features

BiscoffSundae · 11/06/2022 14:33

Wow no way

Please
or
to access all these features

TeachesOfPeaches · 11/06/2022 14:35

Ah, so this is why they have multipacks of Father's Day cards

Please
or
to access all these features

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/06/2022 15:14

It’s way too soon. You’re asking a lot of both of them already. She has a dad, he’s who she does things for for Father’s Day.

If he had a girlfriend your DD had known for 4 months would you be happy with him arranging a Mother’s Day thing for her from DD? Having her on her own while he worked?

Please
or
to access all these features

JenniferWooley · 11/06/2022 15:42

No he doesn't need a Father's Day card/gift after 4 months & I say this as someone who has DC who give their ex-stepdad and current stepmum gifts on fathers/mothers day but IMHO he shouldn't be doing childcare either given you've only been together a year & DD has only known him for 4 months.

Please
or
to access all these features

HappilyHadesBound · 11/06/2022 15:51

I agree it's a bit soon, but I'm a bit shocked that so many people seem horrified by the idea of doing it at all!

My kids are as close to their step dad as they are to their dad, they care about him and want to celebrate what he does for them!

Please
or
to access all these features

Moosake · 11/06/2022 16:09

You said it yourself, he helps with childcare. He doesn't parent them.

Please
or
to access all these features

funinthesun19 · 11/06/2022 16:23

I think at this point, it’s more a case where you should be thanking him for his help and telling him how much you love him for it, rather than your daughter showering him with love which she probably doesn’t feel for him yet.

Please
or
to access all these features

Magda72 · 11/06/2022 17:21

No. It's really not appropriate at this point. In fact it may never be appropriate. Even if you stay together long term it will be up to your daughter to decide if she sees him in a parenting role & up to her if she wants to mark something like Father's Day with him - it should never be a agenda you push on either of them.
If you want to thank him for all he's doing to help YOU, at some other point in time do so - just make sure the thanks is from you & is not part of Father's Day.

Please
or
to access all these features

Vsirbdo · 12/06/2022 07:18

No I think that’s too much too soon

Please
or
to access all these features

Moodycow78 · 12/06/2022 07:29

Good grief, no, he's not her dad just one of mum's friends who babysits sometimes.

Please
or
to access all these features

harriethoyle · 12/06/2022 13:21

Absolutely not. Really disrespectful to her Dad. I would never expect this from my SD's and I've known them for years and am married to their Dad. Would make me feel deeply uncomfortable and upset their Mum. Don't do it.

Please
or
to access all these features

Wednesdayafternoon · 12/06/2022 20:23

harriethoyle · 12/06/2022 13:21

Absolutely not. Really disrespectful to her Dad. I would never expect this from my SD's and I've known them for years and am married to their Dad. Would make me feel deeply uncomfortable and upset their Mum. Don't do it.

Just wanted to say that it's so lovely to read you saying that and having respect for their mum and how she feels ♥️ That's really so thoughtful of you!

Please
or
to access all these features

Eddiesferret · 12/06/2022 20:30

He becomes her step dad when he marries you. Until then he is your boyfriend. By the sounds of it a pretty good one. So hopefully in time he will be her step dad.. at that point she can decide for herself if she wants you to get something for him to give on Father's Day..

The fact that she has a father is not really here or there. Her relationship with him is completely different.. if she is really lucky (like I was) .. I had a fabulous father and an equally fabulous step father.. you can have both !

Please
or
to access all these features

harriethoyle · 12/06/2022 21:25

@Wednesdayafternoon thanks, that's kind 😊

Please
or
to access all these features

BahHumbug2 · 13/06/2022 08:30

What?! No of course you don't get a boyfriend who's only known your child for 4 months a Father's Day card, why on earth would you? I've interacted with strangers through my job for longer than that.

Please
or
to access all these features
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.