He's taking the piss isn't he?

[LightCake]

I have an important appointment tomorrow that could go on a while, it coincided with a day my husband had a work trip so he couldn't stay home.

My lovely best friend is coming and staying at our house to look after our toddler whilst I go.

Not due to have DSC tomorrow, it's their mothers day, she's asked DH if they can come here tomorrow as she has something she wants to go, he's said yes.

I've told him that they can't come here because neither of us is in and friend is coming to watch toddler. He thinks it's fine because they basically look after themselves anyway (8& 11).

I'm not wrong in thinking this is an utter piss take am I? I can't expect my friend to come and look after 3 kids no matter how old they are!

He thinks it's fine because he'd leave them for a few hours by themselves whilst I go out anyway (may be longer than a few hours!) so not expecting friend to do anything but still... She's still got to be here feeling responsible for 2 extra kids.

I'm fuming I've told him he needs to either be here himself now or tell ex change of plan and they can't come in the day.

Im thinking I'll probably even see if I can drop toddler off with my friend at her house instead of her coming here so there's no one in at all.

So cheeky! This happened to me when my mom was staying with me (on vacation from 5000 miles away!) My two were at preschool but DSCs were out of school for a week. DP didn't arrange childcare for them while we were both at work but left them with my mom for two days. Similar ages as yours so the idea was that she wouldn't have to do anything for them. Luckily she's very nice and didn't mind but I was livid!

Honestly I've had DSCs for nine years but I still get annoyed when I'm not asked to provide childcare (if it's outside our usual arrangements) but just expected to do it because I happen to be around!

He’s being neglectful as well as taking the piss.

Hardly father of the year

I have 8 and 11 yo. They are hard work. The 8yo cannot be left alone. The 11yo I have only left for 30 mins. They fight. They require feeding or will raid cupboards. If left attended with TV and console will spend ages glued in unhealthy fashion.

No no no your friend cannot be expected to look after them.

Please do drop off your toddler at your friend's place. I'm a bit outraged on her behalf that he's basically decided that it's fine for them to be there because he has a female there to sort out the women's work.

Does he regularly leave his 11 and 8 year olds home alone for a few hours (or more)??
I think you’ve got bigger problems than this situation.

Yes, he’s totally in the wrong

he needs to either be here himself now or tell ex change of plan and they can't come in the day.
Im thinking I'll probably even see if I can drop toddler off with my friend at her house instead of her coming here so there's no one in at all.

this sounds like the best plan. Well done for standing up to him, and not allowing your friend to be taken advantage of

And if your DSCs mother was ok with them being left in the house on their own (as he seems to think is ok!) then she wouldn’t have asked for him (you) to have them over while she is busy.

He needs to check with you before making commitments to anything different to usual - just basic respect. Even if you had been at home he should have asked you if it was ok before saying yes to his ex

This. Leaving them alone is really bad, too.

How wonderful for your DH to be able to offer big favours from someone else so easily. He’s been a total arse and needs to fix this. Otherwise do as PP suggest and leave the house empty.

I wouldn’t be comfortable being left with 2 children I didn’t really know, irrespective of anything else.

Bloody hell, anyone with a vag for childcare. He sounds horrible.

If I was your friend I would definitely not look after the dsc no way. Your husband needs to look after them, he said yes to ex so he takes responsibility for their care.

I really hope you didn't cave and that your lovely friend has your toddler at her house rather than being made to look after 3 kids at yours

Yep. And he can reflect on whether he should be saying yes to future requests based on his actual availability.

I’m sure he loves playing a super dad who is always there to have the kids. But it’s just a surface illusion. He’s passing it on to the women around him, but taking the credit for it. As is so often the case in nonresident fathers.

Yet again, a man who’s quite happy to piss off his wife in pursuit of keeping the ex happy!

This is a friend not a servant. Really rude to just be like oh hi here are two more kids you might not even really know that well if at all. All so he can look good to their mum..why? Why does he care more about her needs than your friends?

Unbelievable

I hope you sorted it because if you haven't don't expect your friend not to think you and that waster are anything but complete CF's.

What happened OP? I am outraged at his audacity!

Me too!!

Wading in here…. To agree with everyone else!

Can't help.but wonder, if they're ok to be left alone at your place, why can't they stay at their mother's place alone? I'm assuming it's only for a few hrs? I think he's taking a rather large slash tbh. Drop the toddler off at your friend's house like you said.