So annoyed!

[hhhhhm]

I'm so so so annoyed, me and DH have had a baby together who I look after 90% of the time. We sleep separately and I do the night feeds.

We have DSD 2/3 nights a week in the week and weekends, when DSD gets back the baby completely goes out of DHs mind, I am left to do everything for the baby and he does NOTHING AT ALL! He just panders to DSD like our baby doesn't exist. I ask him to have the baby for a couple of hours and he says 'how am I meant to handle two children' all I wanted was a couple of hours to myself for a change ffs

I'm so fed up of him not stepping up for our baby, I keep thinking there's single dads and mums everywhere who can manage just fine FFS I'm so angry I feel it would be easier to just be on my own, Atleast I get a break when the baby goes to bed rather than having to pander about cooking for DH.

[lemongreentea]

stop having sex with him and definately dont havr any more children with him.

he sounds useless ltb.

[Mumoblue]

If he doesn’t think he can handle two children why on earth did he have two children?
He’s either talking out of his arse or he massively incompetent, either way it’s a problem.

[myuterusistryingtokillme]

He says he doesn't want to be a 'part time dad' to our baby... HE IS DOING THAT RIGHT NOW!!

Have you ever said that to him when he comes out with the part time dad line? I mean really bluntly told him that it would be little difference to your joint child because of his Disney dad behaviour now?

[NewandNotImproved]

He sounds thick as shite. What were his plans to parent two kids, when he chose to impregnate you? Or did he not make any plan, and knew he’d be able to discard your kid on to you, and his ex raises his other kid for him the majority of the time.
I don’t understand the appeal of this bloke.

[Jessica2011]

I just think most men don't think like women. It's always left to us. I know some men are different. It's so difficult when you have a baby.

[hhhhhm]

@myuterusistryingtokillme

He says he doesn't want to be a 'part time dad' to our baby... HE IS DOING THAT RIGHT NOW!!

Have you ever said that to him when he comes out with the part time dad line? I mean really bluntly told him that it would be little difference to your joint child because of his Disney dad behaviour now?

Hello, yes I have mentioned this and he says I'm being too hard on him and overanalysing. Before having our baby he always said he is an amazing dad and to be honest he is amazing with DSD, I just wish he would take interest in our baby. It's got to the point where the baby just cries when they're with him.


Not disclosing the babies gender cause it might make it clear who I am haha, probably won't but I get nervous.

[hhhhhm]

@averythinline

You tell him he has 2 children so he needs to work it out..
Why is he not cooking...are you a servant?

Sorry didn't see this, he's not cooking because if I left it to him he would go to the shop and spend stupid amounts on food for him and DSD and we split the food bill and I cannot afford for him to be doing this, it would mean our baby would miss out. (I pay for most of the babies things)

[hhhhhm]

I just sometimes feel like I have my child and he has his and our child isnt his. It is so rare for him to buy our baby anything and he has made the child benefit go towards the food bill.

[newbiename]

@Onemoresleeptogonow

You smile and remind him he managed to conceive 2. The you go out. .

Perfect answer

[Orcasmom]

I had some similar issues when my DS was born - I have 2 DSCs much older than him. DP was iften busy or coming home later when his older children weren't here. I also had to do baby bedtime every night because that was his special time to hang out with his children etc.

We now have 2 of our own and things are much better but it took some time. There's not one solution but many small changes have to happen. I really had to stop doing so much for everyone all the time and change my mindset so that I didn't consider him parenting our children as 'helping' me or doing me a favor. I was consistent about making it clear that we are both responsible for all the children and I am not the default cook, cleaner, caretaker, snuggler, book-reader, nurse when we're both in the house.

I will say that I don't think he will ever treat our DSs the same as the DSCs - he knows I'm also always there for our children, we are a team. He puts a lot more into his relationship with his older children - it's more effortful and often more difficult. Not such an easy, natural style as with our DSs. Don't forget your DH probably has all sorts of feelings about only having his older child part time.

It's tough having a baby in this situation. I really hope it gets better over time!

[Boiledbeetle]

@hhhhhm

I just sometimes feel like I have my child and he has his and our child isnt his. It is so rare for him to buy our baby anything and he has made the child benefit go towards the food bill.

He's taking the piss! He always has been! We know and you know it.

But only you are living it. But you don't have to be.

Do something about it. Because he won't.

[autienotnaughty]

What's he like when dss is not there? I can understand him wanting to make sure dss doesn't feel left out but I'd explain the importance of dss and baby bonding and leave them to it. He will learn to juggle 2.

[Tigertealeaves]

Oh bloody hell OP, tell him he needs to budget some time for the baby too. We've had this kind of nonsense - the minute DSC go, he crams in his work, social life, chores - expecting me to pick up the slack. It's not on. If he comes home early when DSD is there, then great! He can spend some time with them BOTH as well as 1:1 time with her. If she has screen time/any independent play time, that can happen while HE puts the baby to bed, since you do it the other 50% of the time when he's working late.

DSD is going to have to share his attention. He chose that when he had a 2nd kid. Whether with same mum or not; that's what you choose by having two. PP made a really good point about encouraging the siblings to bond as well. Ask him what kind of relationship he'd like them to have when they grow up!

[billy1966]

You have had a baby with a waster that most likely didn't want another child.

He has zero interest and has made that clear.

You can shout and wail or you can accept your reality.

Start organising yourself to be a single mum, it will be easier in the long run.