AIBU? Babys name

[Nicsworld]

DH has a DS from previous relationship and we are due a son together next month. DS1 doesnt have his fathers surname but has his first name as his middle name e.g his own name ,John junior as middle name after my DH and then his mother's surname. My DH really wants our son to be called after him so would be John junior then this one would be having our surname. I think its unreasonable as his first son has this as his middle name already. Who is BU? Me or DH?.

This isn't unusual with family names and actually I think would be a nice connection for the half brothers. Honestly I'd give in to this one they'll be bigger battles to overcome x

It doesn’t sit right with me. If he’s going to be traditional like this then his name should have gone to his eldest son as a first name. It feels like a dig somehow.

Is your DH very narcissistic? It's eye roll inducing to name one of your children after yourself IMO, let alone both.

Regardless of that though, he is being unreasonable because you should both agree on a name, not just one person decide.

Thank you everyone for your replies. See this is what I'm worried about. He has always had a big issue that his first DS didn't get his surname so to take away his middle name and give our son that plus our surname somehow seems like its spite. He would never admit this but I just have a feeling and don't know if its true or if he just really wants out son to have his full name. Regardless I will be thinking very hard before agreeing to anything.

He wants his two kids to have his name as middle names? Like Kayden Steve Smith and Alfie Steve Jones?

Does he kiss himself in the mirror? Getting his surname is enough.

No he wants Ds2 to have it as a first name. I know i have said this to him 🙄

So one would be

Samuel John Junior Smith

And the other would be

John Junior Robert West

As an example?

I think it's a bit weird yes. I think it works better having John Junior as a middle again. Sharing middle names due to being family names are common. I would find it odd to see a sibling with the middle name that is the first name of the other one.

My brother has our older bros first name as a middle... But that's because the older one died before he was born.

I don't think there's really anything to think about OP. You should be picking a name you both like and want to use, he's being selfish.

@KittyWithoutAName yes thats right. Its hard trying to explain it properly but you've wrote it better than me 😆

Lol what a freak.

Luckily, he doesn’t own anyone, and naming a person is not his sole decision, so he’ll have to come to an agreement about naming the kid with you. The child deserves his own name, not some weird dominance play from his father.

OK yes a bit weird. When I was first reading this I thought it was a way to link both sons so that even though they have different mums they still share a cohesive family name, which is I think is a lovely idea. But then I just thought he wanted them to have matching middle names.

Using Ds1 middle names as ds2 first name when it's your husbands name I'm not sure about, I think it can be interpreted as favouring ds2 which would be awful for ds1.

But why is this such an issue. Is DS1 less is child because he isn't called the exact same as his Dad. It's frigging weird and a bit worrying. Where else does this oddness appear? Sounds like your DP could do with some time with the men & women in white coats.

I find dads wanting to name their sons ^their name Junior* cringeworthy and so naff. I’m sorry, that’s probably as snobby as anything, but I do.

For balance my aversion extends right up to the aristos who do the same, minus the ‘junior’ part.

Why can’t children have their own names and identities, rather than being marked out as some egotistical bloke’s heir and add-on? Ugh.

No that’s weird. Same middle name for both kids is nice. What he’s suggesting is implies DS2 is more his than DS1 and I wouldn’t be impressed. There are a million billion names and you should be able to pick ones you both like.

In the circumstances it does feel like a bit of overriding the older son. I would not, for that reason.

Just a thought. If your husband has a middle name, you could continue the tradition by giving your son his middle name as your son’s middle name (or one of them, if he will have two). Because the older son got your husband’s first name as a middle name.

If you figured something out that was unique yet “consistent” between the brothers (without it being “Son 2.0 New and Improved Version”), it might be a nice way to make the brothers feel connected.

In my part of the world, incorporating family names to younger generations is pretty common. If elder son has some part of a family name and younger son doesn’t, it might make younger son feel left out later on. (That’s just another possible perspective, not necessarily everyone’s or the correct perspective.)

My husband happens to have two middle names, so we gave my kid two middle names, one from each side of our extended family. One of them was the middle name of a great grandparent. Then she got her very own, unique first name. Kid seems pretty happy with it.

He is being unreasonable, there is no way dh was having our son named after him. I really dislike when there is a grandad John, A dad John and then the son is called John. It’s not very original, is it?

his 1st son has his name pick a new name that you both like.

Thanks everyone. I have spoke to him and gave everyone's points of view on it and he is adamant that the reason he wants it is he wants Ds2 to have his full name including surname where as his Ds1 hasn't got his surname. I think I'm going to have to put my foot down as I feel its inappropriate to his eldest and I would feel guilty. He seems to have a different view of it though and doesn't think Ds1 would care. I will work it out somehow.

His Ds1 is 4 so wouldn't really understand at the moment if we asked him

It doesn't even matter that it's inappropriate to his eldest. It's not his place to be "adamant" about calling the child anything, they have two parents.

@aSofaNearYou yes I agree

This need of men to have sons named after them baffles me sometimes...he'll have his dad's surname...isn't thst enough.

Hardly like there's a shortage of names to choose from.

I don't see women rushing to name their daughters after them.

So if your dh's name is, say, Adam Smith, your baby will also be Adam Smith??? That's really confusing and weird, without even factoring in his first son. I'd agree to it as the middle name to match his ds1 but I think it's really odd to have the exact same name as him. Out of curiousity, if you had a girl in the future would he be happy for her to have the same name as you?

Have you pointed out that you're the one growing and birthing a child he wants you to have no say in naming?

I'd choose both names myself at this rate!

Can he not get a pet fish he can call whatever he likes?

I don't understand why his second child needs his full name because his first child has one of his names.

What happens if you have a second son?