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Original poster

Mothersday disappointment

35 replies

toogoodforthisworld · 27/03/2022 10:00

I live with my partner and his 5 kids. Last week one of the daughters bought me some lovely gifts from her week away and said they were for Mother's Day- how lovely!
My girls are older and left home a couple of years ago- and always brought me breakfast in bed and a small gift.
This morning all I came down to was a sink full of dirty dishes..
Am I being too much of a princess by feeling hard done by? LOL!
Parter left at 8.30 to take 13 yr old to football but would have seen the sink too.
I'm due to start my period too.. Confused
I think I'll just leave the sink - and take myself off for a walk..

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aSofaNearYou · 27/03/2022 10:33

If you live with your partner and his five kids then you are automatically hard done by in my book, especially if you do the majority or even half of the chores.

This sounds like a very unfavourable set up for you.

TheSnowyOwl · 27/03/2022 10:37

Why can’t you arrange to spend the day with your daughters?

I’d leave the sink for your partner and his children to deal with and do something for yourself.

Original poster
toogoodforthisworld · 27/03/2022 10:56

@TheSnowyOwl one daughter lives abroad and the other lives 4 hours away. We all visit each other regularly but it has never coincided with mothersday

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mumjustmum · 27/03/2022 11:01

I think it would have been nice for your husband to have shown appreciation today of all days for everything you do for HIS FIVE(!) children.
It's thoughtless he didn't.
I'd tell him later tonight (if nothing appears or gestures made by him) that you felt it was thoughtless, and leave it at that.

mumjustmum · 27/03/2022 11:02

... I'd also be buying new dishes before I washed any in that sink today.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 27/03/2022 11:21

I wouldn't be doing a thing today if I were you. If they cant show you appreciation why bother.

PeeAche2 · 27/03/2022 11:25

Happy Mother's Day, OP. Thanks

Put your feet up and don't touch those dishes.xxx

TooMuchPaper · 27/03/2022 11:25

How long have you lived with them?
Do you want to live with them?

Original poster
toogoodforthisworld · 27/03/2022 11:38

@mumjustmum I made myself a bagel on silver foil lol! And just washed the one cup I had my tea in. And I'm out now. Going to make myself all zen on my walk Wink

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Original poster
toogoodforthisworld · 27/03/2022 11:41

@TooMuchPaper I sometimes ask myself that. Especially when my peri menopausal symptoms kick in.

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SpaceshiptoMars · 27/03/2022 12:13

I sat DH down this year, and said, 'you know what, I'm never going to get a Mother's Day card from your kids, but I've put so much in over the years that I'd really like you to do something to recognize that fact'. Result Grin BrewFlowers[favourite chocolates][lovely card][poem][DH cooking special dinner]

SpaceshiptoMars · 27/03/2022 12:15

... I'd also be buying new dishes before I washed any in that sink today.

I'd leave a note that said 'My Mother's Day gift will be a dishwasher. Thank you'.

Original poster
toogoodforthisworld · 27/03/2022 12:22

@SpaceshiptoMars we have a dishwasher- it was full - the child who's turn it was had forgotten/ couldn't be arsed to do it..

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Original poster
toogoodforthisworld · 27/03/2022 12:23

Also just remembered that I have bought flowers for the youngest 2 to take to their own mum today. I need my frikken head examining ! Lol

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Original poster
toogoodforthisworld · 27/03/2022 12:25

@SpaceshiptoMars

I sat DH down this year, and said, 'you know what, I'm never going to get a Mother's Day card from your kids, but I've put so much in over the years that I'd really like you to do something to recognize that fact'. Result Grin BrewFlowers[favourite chocolates][lovely card][poem][DH cooking special dinner]
Really good suggestion for next year - thank you and I'm glad you got treated x in all honesty he did a BBQ for everyone where I just sat back and relaxed last night - but as I'm a vegetarian I'll never see a BBQ as a special meal..
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mumjustmum · 27/03/2022 13:22

Surely you SHOULD see a BBQ as a special meal as your husband SHOULD have included a vegetarian burger and sausage!?
My step mum is vegan, I don't even like her, yet, a roast at ours is ALWAYS a vegan roast when she's visiting, it's just polite to cater for everyone!

SpaceshiptoMars · 27/03/2022 14:30

I could do you a decent BBQ meal. Skewered vegetables, tofu slabs coated in soy sauce and sugar, maybe some toasted pakoras..... What would you like? Let us all dream up your ideal and you can write the menu for it next yearGrin

ilovemyboys3 · 27/03/2022 15:23

Not sure your step children have to recognise you on Mother's Day however, just the dishes in the sink would irritate me. I'd be moaning at your other half to get his kids to clean up after themselves.

SpaceshiptoMars · 27/03/2022 17:48

@ilovemyboys3
My Dad got us to recognize Mother's Day for my Stepmum. The hand drawn cards, the daffodils in church, breakfast in bed. She did the work, it's every bit reasonable to acknowledge it.

ilovemyboys3 · 27/03/2022 18:37

[quote SpaceshiptoMars]@ilovemyboys3
My Dad got us to recognize Mother's Day for my Stepmum. The hand drawn cards, the daffodils in church, breakfast in bed. She did the work, it's every bit reasonable to acknowledge it.[/quote]
There's no obligation for a step child to his/her step mother as a mum. The children have their own mum and you can't control how children feel towards a step mum. It also depends how long the step mum has been in their Children's lives also. You can't force parent/child relationship on step mum and step children. Plus your not considering how their actual feels. They have a mum, they don't need two

SpaceshiptoMars · 27/03/2022 20:51

@ilovemyboys3

Stepfamilies do not work unless the Dad teaches his children to respect and value their stepmother. I agree that getting older children to do this is more challenging, but a gift on Mother's Day takes nothing from their actual mother. In my case, my mother died when I was young, so my stepmother had the full responsibility. I still send her cards and gifts and it makes her very happy.

ilovemyboys3 · 27/03/2022 20:54

[quote SpaceshiptoMars]@ilovemyboys3

Stepfamilies do not work unless the Dad teaches his children to respect and value their stepmother. I agree that getting older children to do this is more challenging, but a gift on Mother's Day takes nothing from their actual mother. In my case, my mother died when I was young, so my stepmother had the full responsibility. I still send her cards and gifts and it makes her very happy.[/quote]
Not everyone feels the same as you. I don't feel the need to receive anything from my step children. Quite frankly I would be annoyed if my son's dad gave his step mum presents and cards from him. I'm his mum, and it's unnecessary. If older children chose to celebrate Mother's Day with their step mother and treat them then that's lovely but it's not for the dad or mum to push this.

SpaceshiptoMars · 27/03/2022 20:58

but it's not for the dad or mum to push this.

It is absolutely on the parent to teach their child to respect others and show gratitude for work done for them for free. Failing to do that is failing as a parent.

ilovemyboys3 · 27/03/2022 21:26

@SpaceshiptoMars

but it's not for the dad or mum to push this.

It is absolutely on the parent to teach their child to respect others and show gratitude for work done for them for free. Failing to do that is failing as a parent.

Yes to show gratitude and thank you for anything they do; but it doesn't need to be shown on Mother's Day. This should be shown throughout the year in thank you's and help around the house. Mother's Day/Father's Day isn't for parents to push Mother's Day on a step mum or step dad. Leave the children to celebrate with their actual parents.
Original poster
toogoodforthisworld · 27/03/2022 21:29

Thanks for all your comments- when I arrived home - I'd stopped in at the supermarket on the way and saw something that both younger boys wanted for school so I bought it for them- when I went to their bedrooms - I said - I've got you a present and they both laughed - and said 'I've got you a present too..' and they handed me the chocolates my partner must have picked up on the way back from football. He then took me out to the garden Centre and we had coffee and cake. So I am happy to eat humble pie and say I'm not disappointed anymore SmileWinkBlush
I am the mum figure in their lives by the way. I do the 'mum' things - wash their clothes - take them to the dentist etc, and they live with us full time in case any one was wondering x

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