[quote candlesandpitchforks]@ilovemyboys3
Interesting
You first say this -
"The children have their own mum and you can't control how children feel towards a step mum. It also depends how long the step mum has been in their Children's lives also. You can't force parent/child relationship on step mum and step children. Plus your not considering how their actual feels. They have a mum, they don't need two"
Then you say this -
"Quite frankly I would be annoyed if my son's dad gave his step mum presents and cards from him. I'm his mum, and it's unnecessary."
They are conflicting. I agree with the first statement it should be up the children - but your second statement actually shows that you think the children shouldn't have a choice as it's disrespectful to the mother
I'm fine with either tbh as a mother and a step mum but I really dislike when people pull out the party line aka it's up to the kids. When really it's the parents getting their knickers in a twist and putting the kids in a loyalty bind.
My poor dear sister (half sister although we don't use that term) got ripped a new one by her mother when she drew my mum (her step mum a card). When I say ripped a new one - she had her 6th birthday party cancelled and her own mother returned all her presents and effectively cancelled her birthday that year because she was so cross over a card. I don't know what else went down as my sister won't talk about much of things that went down in that house but it had a lasting negative effect on her
The reason why my DS wanted to give my mum a card on mother day because in essence my mother was kinder to her than her own. Her mother's behaviour really messed with her head.
I wouldn't ever expect anything from my DSD, neither would I want her to upset her mother and or put her in a bad situation. However it's her choice and if she did I certainly wouldn't be making her feel bad for trying to do a nice thing or informing the mum.
As a mum I went and bought my daughters step mum a card and gift from DD as my daughter wanted to be kind. She was the OW, and she's also fantastic and kind to my DD, I had no objections. Frankly the fact she puts up with my ex who is a 🛎 end, she is far to good for him in my opinion even if she was the dreaded OW and not my cup of tea.
She does a lot for my daughter and I'm raising my daughter to be kind and appreciative little girl. Kids don't need to be brought into adult wars. The world is unkind enough as it is.
Happy Mother's Day ladies and for anyone that asks no my mother wasn't the OW (my dads ex wife ran off with another women) - really quite sad I have to type that but heck it's MN.
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Hardly conflicting... if a child wants to acknowledge their step mother/father on either day then fine but if a mother/father pushes it for them then that's not right.
If a relationship develops between step mums and children then lovely but it can't be forced. It all depends how young the step parents are in someone's lives, from an early age or teenagers.