Updating will - have you included SC ?

SlothMamaToBe · 2022-02-20T17:57:47+00:00

DP and I are soon to become home owners together. Due to this think it would be wise to update wills. I made my line years ago before DP and DSS were on scene. At the moment all money goes to DD on the event of my death. We also have a baby on the way so of course I will include them in will now too but I’m not if or how much to leave to DSS… It further complicates things that my share of house is 95% and DP is only 5% so we couldn’t even just do 50/50. Any ideas much appreciated.

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Beamur · 20/02/2022 18:01

I have 2 DSC and we have a shared DD.
The assets I brought to the marriage go to DD. Our joint home goes to DH. I haven't left anything directly to DSC.
DH has left the house to me as DD is still at school and frankly, it's my home. I'm not giving it up in the already horrible eventuality of unexpectedly becoming a widow!

CornishGem1975 · 20/02/2022 18:04

No. The house we live in is mine, although we are now married, but there is considerable equity in it which it is agreed with my DH will go to my children (we have shared DC too), there is a % left to him and I expect him to make his own provision for them from that. There is a life interest clause in the will though meaning that my DC can't kick DH out on the event of my death, and they only get it if he remarries, dies etc.

IckyPeas · 20/02/2022 18:13

See a solicitor. You can put your part of the house in trust for your DC but allow DH to live in it. It's entirely up to you but I am giving my DSC nothing. DH has his set up so I can live in the house until I remarry or if I die then his half gets split between his kids. The main thing is to go to a solicitor and not to be pressured into anything with promises of, you know I'll treat DC fairly etc. Once you're dead you need there to be no way DH can just decided to split everything everything between the 3 of them as he might get pressured into it.

IckyPeas · 20/02/2022 18:15

I only said 3 Cos there's 3 in our family hope that makes sense. I'm very passionate about getting solicitors involved in writing wills as I have seen some nasty fall outs.

IckyPeas · 20/02/2022 18:16

Buy the house as tenants in common with a deed that specifies your share

gogohm · 20/02/2022 18:21

We have tenants in common 50/50 and lifetime residency rights. Our estates go mostly to our own children but dp has nominated me for a chunk (I'm lower income and younger) to cover the cost of running the house

HolyMoley5 · 20/02/2022 18:34

Why would you leave anything to him? He has a Mum I assume who he can inherit from along with his Dad, the exact same as your children.

I think it's so much fairer when it comes to inheritance if all kids just inherit from their two parents rather than some inheriting from 3 or even 4 if his mum has a partner.

DollyPartBaked · 20/02/2022 18:53

I would provide for your own children and allow DH to provide for his (and their DM).

I also know a SM with no DC of her own and she is leaving her part of the house to nieces and nephews.

PeeAche · 20/02/2022 19:53

Everything is split totally evenly for our kids, including my step children. We have a large estate but on their mum's side there is absolutely nothing. (This isn't because my DH doesn't pay his maintenance and she did get 70% of their estate upon divorce. She has a gambling addiction, which is very sad for her and the children).

For me, this was the right thing but it isn't the right thing for everyone. I work my butt off for my family and I sleep better thinking that they'll all benefit equally.

The will is still complicated as we have trusts and insurances in place to continue CMS if my DH died before my youngest SC was 18. And, to guarantee that my SC receive their share no matter what. Also to guarantee that I wouldn't lose my home if they or their mother brought proceedings against me in the event of DH's death.

You do need to see a solicitor. They are complicated documents in blended families and not the sort of thing you can do yourselves.

My entire pension goes to my DH as does my employer's life assurance policy. He is the father of all children involved which makes things less complicated.

Mogul · 20/02/2022 21:08

No, house goes to OH as does my pension, my pets are provided for

mobear · 20/02/2022 21:24

House goes to DP and everything else to our DC, DSC were adults when we met and our DC is 1. His life insurance splits between all his DC. He gave DSC’s mum a fair whack when they split which they’ll inherit from her.

sofakingcool · 20/02/2022 21:49

We're about to sort our wills but our intention is our sons will inherit equal amounts, even though one is DH's step son.

This is DH's choice, we've lived together as a family since about a year after we met when DS was 2.

DS is extremely unlikely to inherit much from his Dad, who has a lot more children than I do, owns no property and is probably unlikely to inherit much himself in the future so minimal spare money. Obviously all that could change, but it's unlikely and DH wouldn't have it any other way.

MiddleParking · 20/02/2022 21:51

I’d expect his share to be split between his children and your share to be split between your children. So DSS gets half his dad’s share (2.5%), your DD gets half your share (47.5.%) and the new baby gets 50%. Obviously those proportions would change in future if you have more children together after this baby but the principle that each of you bequeath your share to your own children remains.

harryclr · 20/02/2022 23:02

We just did this recently, we're not married so bough house as tenants in common then whoever is the first survivor gets the house until dies then my half is split between our 2 children and his half split 3 ways to include his first daughter. I dont think its fair for SC to inherit from SM if they have own Mum. Different if perhaps Mum has passed and SM has fully raised child.

It is a complicated one though and yet another thing we have to think about / do that isnt as simple as it would be with a nuclear family.

Bakewelltart987 · 20/02/2022 23:16

@HolyMoley5

Why would you leave anything to him? He has a Mum I assume who he can inherit from along with his Dad, the exact same as your children.

I think it's so much fairer when it comes to inheritance if all kids just inherit from their two parents rather than some inheriting from 3 or even 4 if his mum has a partner.

Maybe she generally cares and loves her dsc and doesn't want him to feel left out or just wants to leave him a little something!

Poll4 · 21/02/2022 10:30

Maybe she generally cares and loves her dsc and doesn't want him to feel left out or just wants to leave him a little something!

Each to their own and all that.

I personally think, unless you're essentially your SCs mother because they don't have one then you're doing your own child a disservice if you split things equally with another child who could then go on and inherit from their Mum and her family too.

Obviously each situation with have its own circumstances.

RedWingBoots · 21/02/2022 13:05

I personally think, unless you're essentially your SCs mother because they don't have one then you're doing your own child a disservice if you split things equally with another child who could then go on and inherit from their Mum and her family too.

To add to this unless your children are all 18 you should do your will so if you dropped dead tomorrow your assets go to them so your spouse can bring them up without money worries. Your SC has another parent who will look after them.

drpet49 · 21/02/2022 13:09

* I’d expect his share to be split between his children and your share to be split between your children. So DSS gets half his dad’s share (2.5%), your DD gets half your share (47.5.%) and the new baby gets 50%. Obviously those proportions would change in future if you have more children together after this baby but the principle that each of you bequeath your share to your own children remains.*

^This

MeridianB · 21/02/2022 13:54

@drpet49

* I’d expect his share to be split between his children and your share to be split between your children. So DSS gets half his dad’s share (2.5%), your DD gets half your share (47.5.%) and the new baby gets 50%. Obviously those proportions would change in future if you have more children together after this baby but the principle that each of you bequeath your share to your own children remains.*

^This

I also agree with this. And definitely get some good advice to protect your share. Worth finding a specialist who is a STEP member:

www.step.org/

The life interest in your home is also a must have, as PP, mentions. You don’t want adult children (or exes parenting younger children) to be able to kick the surviving partner out if anything happens. This can also extend to contents of the house. I know someone whose son wanted to strip the B&O sound system out of every room when his father died….

Original poster

SlothMamaToBe · 22/02/2022 07:23

Thank you for all your responses. Been very helpful and given me lots to think about. Will definitely be sorting this through a solicitor.
I suppose some of my worries were driven by guilt and not wanting to seem like I don’t care about DSS but he does have his mum and her family too. I just hope my DP wouldn’t be offended if I do choose to just leave £ to my own children as he treats DD like his own daughter (even though she does have a Dad around).

OP posts:

Spooner56 · 22/02/2022 07:47

I just hope my DP wouldn’t be offended if I do choose to just leave £ to my own children

If he were I'd think be were a twat to be honest OP. Why on earth should you not leave your assets to your children? He shouldn't expect anything less imo.

I wouldn't even tell him what was in my will if you're worried. He doesn't need to know, it is your private will.

femfemlicious · 22/02/2022 07:51

Dont marry him. Leave 10k each to SC and everything elae divided between your 2 kids. DH can live there till he passes away as long as he doesnt marry. thats what i would do

sofakingcool · 22/02/2022 09:24

@SlothMamaToBe

Thank you for all your responses. Been very helpful and given me lots to think about. Will definitely be sorting this through a solicitor. I suppose some of my worries were driven by guilt and not wanting to seem like I don’t care about DSS but he does have his mum and her family too. I just hope my DP wouldn’t be offended if I do choose to just leave £ to my own children as he treats DD like his own daughter (even though she does have a Dad around).

That's a bit tricky, do you think your DH is planning on adding your DD to his will?

If not, I maybe wouldn't say anything if you think it will cause upset. It shouldn't, as you are totally within your rights to give your money to your children, and he shouldn't be pissed off about that.

My only reservation is if you think there is a potential he is planning on including your DD in his will. I think it might be worth a conversation if you think that is possible?

I know people will say it's still up to OP what she does, of course it is, but I always think it's important to imagine life after I've gone - I wouldn't like to do something that could cause lasting upset, and risk relationships for my loved ones, which if one child ends up inheriting more (ie your DD receiving from 3 parents) could cause.

Nowhereelsetogo90 · 24/02/2022 08:56

Yep my will specifies that my DSD is to be treated as my bio child for inheritance purposes.

Trolleedollee · 24/02/2022 09:55

I know my dad and step mum have split their estate equally between all the children. They have not taken into account other parents. I think that this is absolutely right. If the children are all very young when the partnership started I agree with an even split.

If the children are older that's more difficult. My partner and I have an uneven split. Everything we each brought to the relationship is split to our own bio children. Anything we've amassed together is split evenly.