Is this "Disney Dadding?"

[OneSolitaryCornflake]

Hi I'm trying to get my head around something it's only small thing so don't tell me to LTB!

Everytime my DSC are here the "nice food" gets bought the cupboard is suddenly full of snacks, treats and the fruit bowl is filled up with allsorts. But when they aren't here we are basically living frugally and rarely have these treats. Is this fair on our shared DC? Or is it Disney dadding?

I kind of see ah ok fair enough every two weeks the nice treats come out but it seems a bit unfair that we just get the basics the rest of the time. Or am I waaaay over thinking this?

He's behaving normally - this is not over the top and it's you that sounds problematic. How do I sound problematic?!

I agree with PP who don't thunk sending the food back is a great idea.

@HandScreen

He's behaving normally - this is not over the top and it's you that sounds problematic. Some nice fruit in the fruit bowl and a few treats in the cupboard when he's excited that his kids are there is entirely proportionate and quite sweet.

If you would like there yo be treats in the house more often, include some in the shopping - a pineapple a week plus a six-pack of crisps - your uni savings pot can take that hit! Live your life! Clearly the level of savings is too high, as it is causing you to resent your DSC some nice fruit. To be really clear, what you are describing is not Disney parenting.

I think you need to read it more carefully.

Dads sometimes need some coaching. And with your shared child being so young it was fairly normal that these kinds of treats aren’t relevant up to now. Perhaps you can say that it won’t be long before your little one notices that treats only appear when the older kids are there. And suggest that maybe he can adapt his treating habit to bring home some form of treat every weekend. So weekends become the focus of treats rather than who’s in the house. Then he’s a little bit Disney with all the kids 😀. Hope he starts thinking to buy your favourite chocolate too!

Unless you have no control over what goes in the shopping and are not allowed to shop, I don’t see why you can’t buy some nice fruit for your 2 year old.

Sweets and biscuits wouldn’t be consumed by him in quantities anyway so I don’t see what the issue is with having these things in when the DSC are there.

@OneSolitaryCornflake

He's behaving normally - this is not over the top and it's you that sounds problematic. How do I sound problematic?!

I agree with PP who don't thunk sending the food back is a great idea.

You sound resentful of your DH's kids.

You sound resentful of your DH's kids. well I'm not hth

I think it's nice that he gets in some extra treats for the DSC. We used to do similar, but just so they had the things they liked, but resident child was not treated differently.
Sending stuff back to their Mums is a bit cheeky though. I think that's overstepping into her time and choices.

Do you think that some blueberries and Pringles are more important to kids than living with their parents?

@OnlyAFleshWound

Do you think that some blueberries and Pringles are more important to kids than living with their parents?

Bingo!

@OnlyAFleshWound

Do you think that some blueberries and Pringles are more important to kids than living with their parents?

Um what?

I think you're confused @aSofaNearYou

It's not a game, and I was asking the op what she thinks. Not you.

I'm confused are you saying my DSC should be given blueberries and pringles to make up for their parents not living together? Wtf?!!

@OnlyAFleshWound

I think you're confused *@aSofaNearYou*

It's not a game, and I was asking the op what she thinks. Not you.

I'm not confused. You're playing step parent bingo by throwing out that ridiculous, irrelevant line.

@OneSolitaryCornflake

Your child lives with his/her parents 365 days a year.

Your stepchildren live with their dad for 2 days every fortnight, and you are complaining about him buying some nice fruit to make it a bit special for them.

You seem to think your child has the harsh end of the deal here. I'm suggesting that having your parents living with you is probably more important to a child than eating some pineapple.

It's not a choice is it. It's not right DC no treats for you until DSC get here as your mum and dad live together. What a bizarre world.

I mean, I could understand if he was taking them to Alton Towers every other weekend, but you're literally objecting to him buying some crisps.

[quote OnlyAFleshWound]@OneSolitaryCornflake

Your child lives with his/her parents 365 days a year.

Your stepchildren live with their dad for 2 days every fortnight, and you are complaining about him buying some nice fruit to make it a bit special for them.

You seem to think your child has the harsh end of the deal here. I'm suggesting that having your parents living with you is probably more important to a child than eating some pineapple.[/quote]
It's not my DC's fault DSC's parents split up is it. This is so bizarre.

@OneSolitaryCornflake

It's not a choice is it. It's not right DC no treats for you until DSC get here as your mum and dad live together. What a bizarre world.

Perhaps he is trying to do something nice for the children who don't live with their father. To show that he cares about them and loves them still

In your position it seems extremely harsh to resent and try to stop this.

I think it’s probably totally unconscious. I mean I definitely buy more treats and snacks when any family member who doesn’t live with us normally comes to stay (no DSC involved) but could be viewed badly by your DC as they grow up so I see your point of view.

Could it instead be a weekend tradition. So every Friday there are some special treats. That way it still feels ‘special’ but it’s not saved for only when DSC come as if they are the only special ones, instead it’s about family time (with and without them)

It's not my DC's fault DSC's parents split up is it. This is so bizarre.

No. You trying to stop him giving his children an extra little treat when he rarely sees them is bizarre. Well, not so much bizarre as just mean.

@OnlyAFleshWound

I mean, I could understand if he was taking them to Alton Towers every other weekend, but you're literally objecting to him buying some crisps.

I'm not Objecting to him buying treats. I'm objecting to him only buying treats and making a bid deal of it when DSC are here. As PP have suggested it needs to be spread out throughout the fortnight save a few things we know they like. I'm not saying HOW DARE HE BUY THEM TREATS. But I need to speak to him about the sending them home with the treats for sure, not unless he's checked with mum first. I know DSD1 likes to just hide them in her school bag and I don't think that's on. If I were mum I'd be mega pissed off.

@guardiansofthegalaxychocs

I think it’s probably totally unconscious. I mean I definitely buy more treats and snacks when any family member who doesn’t live with us normally comes to stay (no DSC involved) but could be viewed badly by your DC as they grow up so I see your point of view.

Could it instead be a weekend tradition. So every Friday there are some special treats. That way it still feels ‘special’ but it’s not saved for only when DSC come as if they are the only special ones, instead it’s about family time (with and without them)

Yeah I'm going to suggest this. So we still have special pizza weekend when the dsc are here and then do something the other weekend too

I'm not Objecting to him buying treats. I'm objecting to him only buying treats and making a bid deal of it when DSC are here

There is nothing wrong in him doing something a little bit extra for them. They are missing out on a lot. It is unreasonable to begrudge him giving them a few extra treats.

Perhaps he is trying to do something nice for the children who don't live with their father. To show that he cares about them and loves them still love is not counted in calories. Yes a few treats fine. But we should have them every weekend.

It is unreasonable to begrudge him giving them a few extra treats. I'm not...