Christmas support thread stepparents

[candlelightsatdawn]

It's the most joyful time of year and we have just been told my DH ex partner has Covid and DSD can't come for Christmas as she's also showing all symptoms needs to be tested. For all of her past issues the ex wife has said it to be safe, DSD shouldn't come over (she seems to have turned a leaf in terms of making sure I'm kept Covid free as pregnant and thinking of babies health- thank god )

DH is now is now a tail spin and treating me like I have done something wrong !

The ex hasn't been sticking to the rules so this isn't shocking (but I respect her choices) and she's just trying to be respectful of my risk to Covid but some how this is my fault and DH is in a sulk.

Anyone else want a place to rant about the Christmas pandemonium that only could happen in blended families. Surely I can't be the only one who thinks this is crackers. Both me and ex wife are on same page but I'm the evil SM for being you know pregnant.

I don't know what to suggest at this point ? He go to a hotel with DSD at Christmas? Although that doesn't seem fair on the hotel staff ect.

Am I going mad. Again 😞

I feel for you OP.

I’m also pregnant. Had my two stepsons over for Christmas. My partner was so excited to have his children on Christmas Day for the first time since he and their mother split. We’ve gone all out. Spent a fortune on food and thoughtful gifts for them. Eldest one has been his usual kind self and has been gracious and polite. Youngest one has done nothing but bitch since they arrived last night.

Despite being pregnant and tired, I wanted to make the day special for them so I spent 6 hours in the kitchen pulling a four course Christmas dinner out my ass while my other half washed, dried, and put away a constant stream of pots and pans. The youngest one has picked at every single offering, moaned about it loudly, pulled his face, hasn’t said thank you once (he’s 12 with no issues so should know better).

The final straw came when he was presented with the huge chocolate cake we’d got for dessert and his response was it “looked weird” so refused to eat it. I mean, what 12-year-old boy doesn’t like chocolate fucking cake??

I just sat there and felt the tears well up. I’d tried so hard to make it special for them. My normally mild mannered partner then lost his temper and ripped youngest a new one, telling him what an ungrateful, sulking brat he was being (true) and that he expected him to remember to bring his manners when he comes to stay (also true).

The rest of the day has passed in silence. I wish I hadn’t bothered with any of the immense expense and effort tbh.

to all.

@Harlequin1088

I feel for you OP.

I’m also pregnant. Had my two stepsons over for Christmas. My partner was so excited to have his children on Christmas Day for the first time since he and their mother split. We’ve gone all out. Spent a fortune on food and thoughtful gifts for them. Eldest one has been his usual kind self and has been gracious and polite. Youngest one has done nothing but bitch since they arrived last night.

Despite being pregnant and tired, I wanted to make the day special for them so I spent 6 hours in the kitchen pulling a four course Christmas dinner out my ass while my other half washed, dried, and put away a constant stream of pots and pans. The youngest one has picked at every single offering, moaned about it loudly, pulled his face, hasn’t said thank you once (he’s 12 with no issues so should know better).

The final straw came when he was presented with the huge chocolate cake we’d got for dessert and his response was it “looked weird” so refused to eat it. I mean, what 12-year-old boy doesn’t like chocolate fucking cake??

I just sat there and felt the tears well up. I’d tried so hard to make it special for them. My normally mild mannered partner then lost his temper and ripped youngest a new one, telling him what an ungrateful, sulking brat he was being (true) and that he expected him to remember to bring his manners when he comes to stay (also true).

The rest of the day has passed in silence. I wish I hadn’t bothered with any of the immense expense and effort tbh.

Ahhh @Harlequin1088 I'm sorry all of that went unnoticed by the youngest DS 😞 but massive brownie points to DH to addressing the issue. I know yelling isn't great but you know kids can make you lose your cool and I think all parents have been there and sounded like he needed to go there.

Sounds like you worked your socks off and don't let one person diminish the hard work you put into all of it. Tweens/teenagers are absolute 🛎 ends at best of times let alone in blended families which also hard at all times. No wine for us but cake ? Mince pie ? Warm bath and candles ? You have been doing everything for everyone else, grab some time just for you !

When's baby due ? It's nice chat fellow SM that's expecting, all my pals are part of 2.0 families or blended/ part blended but not expecting!! It's a different ball game pregnant in a blended family ! (Side note and completely off topic - I think one previous posters is a SM and expecting as well and I think we should make a group to vent). I'm sure the other day I cried over cake I went and bought for my self, being nearly entirely eaten by DSC and the store being all out of that cake. Sigh 😔

Christmas holidays have to be up there with most traumatic time in every family but especially can be trying in blended.

Keep your chin up ladies, the day is nearly done (those in UK that is) ! 💐

@candlelightsatdawn Thank you. It weirdly feels better to know there’s others in the world that understand. I’d felt my upset and frustration growing all day but kept telling myself it was the pregnancy hormones making me irrational and silly but it must’ve been bad for my OH to blow his stack as he’s never like that at all normally.

I’m due in April. I’d love a group for pregnant Stepmums!

Hope you're having a lovely Christmas candle! You deserve this lovely Xmas that can't be ruined!!

@Harlequin1088 I'm not a step mum anymore but the best advice I can give you is to not do more for your sdc then you want too. Do your 4 courses for yourself/dh and not for for them as unfortunately dcs ungratefulness is 100x harder to take when they're not yours. My ex dss was the fussiest eater, I stopped bothering making extra effort and made sure I made what I was happy to make or exh could cook. Don't do more than their parent does.

@LadyCluck

The Disney Dadding has just reached a new level of ridiculousness.

Both SDs have COVID. Myself and my children (4yrs and baby) currently negative.

Just seen DH hand the baby to both SDs for them to kiss her goodnight. They’ve both then kissed her on the face. I politely said that wasn’t a good idea. DH has given me a “dressing down” and said I’m being unreasonable and not fair to the SDs (who are 16 and 18) and that I need to consider their feelings.

I would think it common sense not to kiss someone else’s baby if you have covid!!!!! But no, I’m not being reasonable.

What the actual?! I'd lose it.

Anyone being encouraged to do tidying tonight ready for the "special day" tomorrow? Like no sorry. Christmas day was today. For everyone.

@SpiderFluff I hope you put your feet up instead!

Happy news story here, first blended Christmas, all going swimmingly - dsd goes to her dms this morning (she's older and drives). Dp's kids have slotted in amazingly to my extended family despite being young adults

@gogohm ahhh that’s nice to hear a positive story!

[quote LadyCluck]@SpiderFluff I hope you put your feet up instead! [/quote]
Yup. I said I do one big tidy on Christmas eve and that's it.

@SpiderFluff I would be tempted to say er why special day? And keep asking why until he said well SC are coming and then look really puzzled.

Glad you stood ground !

@gogohm yassss win ! Glad all went well !

@candlelightsatdawn I know right! They aren't the queen and tbh they make most the mess anyway.

I'm now being told I can't send thank yous from our little one as the DSC don't and it will look bad. We'll screw that frankly. My LO is going to do thank yous.

@SpiderFluff ahhhhghg I would be like that's your and DM choice on behalf of your DC, however my child won't be dictated to by presidents you guys set as parents.Also I would also say they are more then welcome to join in new family tradition but won't stop you.

Also I would also say they are more then welcome to join in new family tradition but won't stop you. that's a good idea!