Christmas support thread stepparents

[candlelightsatdawn]

It's the most joyful time of year and we have just been told my DH ex partner has Covid and DSD can't come for Christmas as she's also showing all symptoms needs to be tested. For all of her past issues the ex wife has said it to be safe, DSD shouldn't come over (she seems to have turned a leaf in terms of making sure I'm kept Covid free as pregnant and thinking of babies health- thank god )

DH is now is now a tail spin and treating me like I have done something wrong !

The ex hasn't been sticking to the rules so this isn't shocking (but I respect her choices) and she's just trying to be respectful of my risk to Covid but some how this is my fault and DH is in a sulk.

Anyone else want a place to rant about the Christmas pandemonium that only could happen in blended families. Surely I can't be the only one who thinks this is crackers. Both me and ex wife are on same page but I'm the evil SM for being you know pregnant.

I don't know what to suggest at this point ? He go to a hotel with DSD at Christmas? Although that doesn't seem fair on the hotel staff ect.

Am I going mad. Again 😞

I've already had my own little rant in AIBU but always one to support a stepmum! Your husband is being a bit of a twat and needs to get over himself. I know he's disappointed but even if you weren't pregnant the DSD shouldn't be bringing covid into the house. Why can't he plan something nice with her when she's out of isolation? Hope he cheers the fuck up and you manage to have a nice Christmas.

And no, they definitely shouldn't go to a hotel either. That would be spreading it to even more people.

I just think it's barking. We have finally gotten to the point where DSD mum is on board with keeping Covid risks minimum for our sake (basically mine and babies) and she really doesn't believe in Covid and this is a big concession on her part which I recognise, she doesn't have to do anything and DH has decided to turn into a first class bell end.

I might just add if he's gonna be a misery I may take my heavily pregnant self and DD off to family and leave him on his sodding own.

I'm really narked. Gahhhhhhh

Try not to take it personally. It sounds as though he’s gutted not to be seeing his daughter and (irrationally) treating you - and his unborn child - as the obstacle to that. It’s shitty, but grit your teeth and stay out of the way and hopefully soon he’ll come to his senses and apologise for being a twat.

@Florabritannica tbf im gutted to we had some lovely plans re DSD and DD. I may just dig a hole and put him in it the garden 😬😬😬

Why can't this just be easier.

Taking inspiration from another thread, why don't you boil his head and turn it into a lovely Christmas ham 😆

Ugh the sulks are the worst. My DH had a proper face on recently because his DS couldn't come and stay BECAUSE HE HAD COVID. His ex-wife and he, I think, couldn't see any reason why he couldn't still come despite the fact that my DC and our own shared DC hadn't had COVID. I put my foot down but fuck me, I could have smacked his sour face. You have my sympathies.

I know it must be disappointing but these men are probably making more fuss than the kids involved. Do something nice in NY when they have got rid of Covid.

There is so much pressure to have a good time at Christmas, and when stepfamilies are brought into the mix the number of different people with different ideas of what constitutes a good time can make things intolerable. I had a Christmas once where I had busted a gut cooking and decorating and buying lovely thoughtful presents for my four teenage stepchildren and none of them thought to bring me a gift of any description.
My advice - which I absolutely failed to follow myself on many occasions - is to try to be the adult and not make things worse.

Oh OP, hope your DH gets over himself and makes sure you have a good Christmas.

On a positive note, we are seeing one of my stepchildren on Christmas morning for the first time in over 20 years! They've never been allowed to spend Christmas Day with DH (despite now being adults, there was always too much pressure to carry on ) so we'd just see them for a few hours in the evening before they went home again.

So excited to be seeong one of them and DH is overjoyed.

@candlelightsatdawn
Same here, different scenario, different situation but pretty sure getting the blame for his Dad Guilt.

Also pregnant.

Sometimes I just want to say go back to your Ex Wife every Christmas if it's that bad here.

My own children also have a Step Mum and we all just deal with the situation, we alternate fairly and as long as I know I'm the main one picking up the buck, we are all in our places and it's fine.

My DP ex wife is just not the same and somehow I'm the one who gets the blame for just, you know, EXISTING.

I've just discovered that dsd (19) who I don't really get along with is not just coming for dinner tonight no she's staying until Boxing Day when her bf collects her.

I had no clue I've been kept in the dark and I'm fuming. Dh and I have never in 16 years had a Christmas just he and I. All I asked for was Christmas Day. But no, apparently she invited herself he said fine and assumed I knew. Guess my crystal ball needs a service.

Absolute bellend.

Try not to take it personally. It sounds as though he’s gutted not to be seeing his daughter and (irrationally) treating you - and his unborn child - as the obstacle to that. It’s shitty, but grit your teeth and stay out of the way and hopefully soon he’ll come to his senses and apologise for being a twat.
Grit her teeth & stay out of the way?! Eh NO! HE's being the twat so why should op have to make herself small to accommodate his behaving like a child???? Jesus wept - again & again women told to put up with mens ridiculous behaviours!!! He's disappointed - big deal - & I don't mean that in a callous way. However we are ALL disappointed this year - another Christmas of compromise for EVERYONE & we're all just having to get on with it.
Sorry @candlelightsatdawn but he needs to grow up & I hope he does.

Hope your other half gives his head a wobble OP. Hats off to the ex for showing a bit of consideration.

Completely fed up today. I cancelled so much before Christmas to stay safe and COVID free for the festive period.
Both SDs arrived a few days ago - one of them clearly not well. Turns out their mum (the ex) wasn’t well either and was awaiting a PCR. Low and behold now we’ve done PCRs and turns out they’ve brought COVID to the house. DH has now tested positive too.

They were due to go home Christmas afternoon and I was looking forward to time with DH but now they’ll be here til sometime next week……

The house was clean and tidy but now looks like a tip - they leave a trail of mess behind them. They keep winding my 4yr old up to the point of tears. They’ve worked their way through most of the Christmas food already.
I’m trying to put a brave / smiley face on but I’m really struggling today. DH is in peak Disney Dad mode and naff all support.

@LadyCluck

Hope your other half gives his head a wobble OP. Hats off to the ex for showing a bit of consideration.

Completely fed up today. I cancelled so much before Christmas to stay safe and COVID free for the festive period.
Both SDs arrived a few days ago - one of them clearly not well. Turns out their mum (the ex) wasn’t well either and was awaiting a PCR. Low and behold now we’ve done PCRs and turns out they’ve brought COVID to the house. DH has now tested positive too.

They were due to go home Christmas afternoon and I was looking forward to time with DH but now they’ll be here til sometime next week……

The house was clean and tidy but now looks like a tip - they leave a trail of mess behind them. They keep winding my 4yr old up to the point of tears. They’ve worked their way through most of the Christmas food already.
I’m trying to put a brave / smiley face on but I’m really struggling today. DH is in peak Disney Dad mode and naff all support.

@LadyCluck I'm so sorry

Thank you @WildFlowerBees
There will be wine opened soon! 😁

How on earth is it your fault OP!

Loads of people are having not the Christmas they'd planned this year. He needs to get over himself.

My DH is making a massive fuss over boxing day this year as that's when we have DSC and it's doing my head in as we have a shared little one and I feel christmas day needs to be really special for her. Half the food in the house is out of bounds as its for boxing day.

Turns out their mum (the ex) wasn’t well either and was awaiting a PCR. @LadyCluck it should be a crime to send an unwell child anywhere when awaiting a PCR test for someone else in the household.

There's been a Christmas Miracle DH seems to have abated from the gloom by dropping off a mountain of presents to make up for not being with us (yes he went out and bought more on top of the load but his money his choice) and more food for them as hopefully isolating (not just staying away from us)

And another win all the crap won't stay at our house and I won't have see it laying there unopened and used on floor (DSD was favoured trick with new switch games) so truly out of sight out of mind !

Please can you all have a glass of wine for me and especially SMs dealing with Christmas Disney dadding (if not expecting) if expecting have some cake because I bloody am !

@Magda72 my sentiments exactly why would I hide in my own house and by own I mean own 100% solely? I gave the full force of my hormones and he's been on best behaviour! But let's see shall we, may put on a Christmas carol to drill home the point about the spirit of Christmas 😅

I can always still pickle his head in a bag @chocolatesaltyballs22 🤣 defo stealing that one !

And if anyone finds the cure to Disney dadding induced guilt please share.

Ah good news OP, glad he has seen sense. About to go and pour a lovely cold glass of rosé just for you.

@candlelightsatdawn
You enjoy that cake and I shall have a glass of wine for you.

Remember ladies no matter what goes down in next few days. There's always cake 🍰 or pickling DHS head and putting it in a bag. Your choice 🤣

The Disney Dadding has just reached a new level of ridiculousness.

Both SDs have COVID. Myself and my children (4yrs and baby) currently negative.

Just seen DH hand the baby to both SDs for them to kiss her goodnight. They’ve both then kissed her on the face. I politely said that wasn’t a good idea. DH has given me a “dressing down” and said I’m being unreasonable and not fair to the SDs (who are 16 and 18) and that I need to consider their feelings.

I would think it common sense not to kiss someone else’s baby if you have covid!!!!! But no, I’m not being reasonable.

@LadyCluck gahhhhhhh 😖😖😖 you aren't being unreasonable. Tell him it's not unreasonable to not want a baby to catch Covid esp over Christmas period and hospitals !

Fingers crossed you all remain well !

People are literally throwing all sorts of Covid maddness around this year ! Ffs 🤦🏼‍♀️

💐

@LadyCluck

The Disney Dadding has just reached a new level of ridiculousness.

Both SDs have COVID. Myself and my children (4yrs and baby) currently negative.

Just seen DH hand the baby to both SDs for them to kiss her goodnight. They’ve both then kissed her on the face. I politely said that wasn’t a good idea. DH has given me a “dressing down” and said I’m being unreasonable and not fair to the SDs (who are 16 and 18) and that I need to consider their feelings.

I would think it common sense not to kiss someone else’s baby if you have covid!!!!! But no, I’m not being reasonable.

Fucking hell. I have no words. Fuck their feelings.