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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Step sister.

39 replies

sophiellxo · 16/12/2021 16:28

My partner and I recently had a little girl who is 6 months she's my partners second child my partner has another child from a previous relationship who is 3. Recently I have been feeling that my child is not equal or gets treated the same as his first from family on his side. His mum offered to take his first daughter to a Christmas event and my partner asked if she could take the youngest with her too and she said no. Their has not just been problems with his mum it's his gran and his dad too his gran bends over backwards for his first but doesn't do the same for our little girl I bought it up to which her reply was I need to remember the oldest was here first. And his dad takes the oldest every second weekend overnight but have barley spent 2 hours all together with the youngest any advice or am I blowing it out of proportion because she's my baby?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 16/12/2021 16:33

I would say it's because she is a baby full stop. Taking a toddler to a Christmas event is lovely. Taking a 6 month old not so.
Your dc won't have gotten any enjoyment out of being at a Xmas event! Maybe take the opportunity to enjoy your dc in peace! Having both must be full on for you! Ime many dgps bend over backwards for their first dgc and not the rest!! Are your family involved?

GrazingSheep · 16/12/2021 16:36

Why would they take a 6 month old baby to a Christmas event?

negomi90 · 16/12/2021 16:41

A 3 year old would enjoy a christmas event. A 6 month old wouldn't. Taking the 6m old when you don't have to (aka grandparents) is just creating extra work.
Likewise a 3 year old is likely to sleep better than a 6 month old.
If they did more for the 3 year old when she was 6 months, there could be a number of reasons. Her mum needed more help, they had more energy etc.
Or they find babies a bit boring, and the novelty of the baby thing was used by the 3 year old.
Its not personal to you/your dd. Its likely multifactoral.

Wnikat · 16/12/2021 16:41

She’s six months old! She won’t care! Let the 3 year old enjoy the event without a baby screaming through it.

Billyliarohdear · 16/12/2021 16:46

I agree it's pointless taking a baby to a Christmas event. They may also think your dd is too young to stay with them overnight.
Maybe there's also the fact that they feel the 3year old needs some one-on-one time with her family without baby taking all the attention?
I'd wait and see what happens as your dd gets older before I said anything else.

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/12/2021 16:46

She’s tiny and won’t care about Christmas for years. A three year old is handful enough.

You may have cause for concern in time but this isn’t evidence of anything malicious. Don’t borrow trouble by being offended.

gogohm · 16/12/2021 16:47

She's too young, I doubt they took the elder at 6 months

BungleandGeorge · 16/12/2021 16:47

It’s her age. Wider family often don’t want to take babies for overnights or events because it’s a lot of hard work and of no benefit for the child.

Sally872 · 16/12/2021 16:47

I would probably leave my own 6 month old with baby sitter to take 3 year old to Santa event. Its enjoyable for 3 year old and 6 month old takes a lot of extra work.

Also if 3 year old only available every second weekend they may be more keen to schedule time.

CactusLemonSpice · 16/12/2021 16:49

She's actually her sister not step sister as they share a dad. And personally I think his family are being ridiculous! Why does 'she was here first' matter? Are they only capable of caring about one grandchild? Very very odd.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 16/12/2021 16:51

3 year old, parents separated, has to split their time between homes, cope with dads new partner, and now a new sibling.

6 month old, parents together, permanently with them both, no new partners or siblings. Oh and also has no concept at all of Christmas or grandparents.

The grandparents are right. You are being silly.

CactusLemonSpice · 16/12/2021 16:53

For me the fact they didn't take her is not necessarily bad as she is young, but the comment is weird!!

mamaoffourdc · 16/12/2021 17:07

And she is a half sister not a step sister

RedWingBoots · 16/12/2021 17:45

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

3 year old, parents separated, has to split their time between homes, cope with dads new partner, and now a new sibling.

6 month old, parents together, permanently with them both, no new partners or siblings. Oh and also has no concept at all of Christmas or grandparents.

The grandparents are right. You are being silly.

Apart from your last sentence your post is silly.

The children should be equal to the grandparents as they are both their son's children.

What the OP has failed to recognise a child under about 14 months doesn't give a damn about Christmas or any special event.

RedWingBoots · 16/12/2021 17:48

OP when your child is 14 months or older and particular when they are toilet trained, you need to get your DP to have a word with his parents.

He needs to explain to them that they need to treat the siblings the same even though they have different mothers.

Oh and a tip I can give you is make your DP look after both children on his own without you for a couple of hours minimum regularly from when your child is weaned.

aSofaNearYou · 16/12/2021 17:49

Normally I would say it's probably because she's a baby but actually her explanation does sound pretty off. I would distance myself from her. Does your DC have grandparents/family on your side?

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 16/12/2021 17:51

Apart from your last sentence your post is silly.

The children should be equal to the grandparents as they are both their son's children.

The children will be equal to the grandparents. That doesn’t mean their needs or interests are the same.

aSofaNearYou · 16/12/2021 18:20

The children will be equal to the grandparents. That doesn’t mean their needs or interests are the same.

True, but "you need to remember she was here first" implies more of a statement than that.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 16/12/2021 18:28

I’d love to have heard the actual conversation that statement was made in tbh.

SandyY2K · 19/12/2021 01:36

Nobody really wants to take a 6 month old to a Christmas Fayre. It's hard work and your baby won't gain anything from it.

candlelightsatdawn · 19/12/2021 07:01

Mmm 6months old are hard work. I'm not gonna lie I would only take 3 year old if I didn't have cover for newborn

However the way they worded that was weird. Has there been anything else that implies this ?

Also defo leave dad with both kids for a bit ! He's got to learn to parent both children at same time.

gerispringer · 19/12/2021 07:08

I have a 3 year old and 6 month old GC, I wouldn’t take a both to a Christmas event without another adult and unless I really had to. The event was for the 3 year old surely?

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 19/12/2021 07:16

None of the grandparents spend much one on one time with my youngest yet and he is two. My older two spend overnights all the time, lots of days out. It's not not a matter of them being favoured, they are more independent and frankly better company for a grandparent. You are being a bit oversensitive.

IncompleteSenten · 19/12/2021 07:22

How much would a 6 month old enjoy a Christmas event?

There's a big difference between a young child and a baby.

That said the remember the other child was there first comment is concerning. I'd want to know what they meant by that. Do they not have enough love for two children? Because that would be odd. Or are they simply saying it takes time to build a relationship with a child to the point you can take them out all day and have them overnight (which is true) and if the latter, they're not going to achieve that if they aren't spending any time with the baby!

Anotherhill · 19/12/2021 07:42

Your dsd must have been very young when you got together with your dp. Do they hold that against you?

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