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Original poster

Covid and DSS

37 replies

Rainbowraincoat · 14/12/2021 15:18

DSS(6) has Covid, he tested positive a few days ago whilst at his mum's house, he will be allowed out of isolation just in time for Christmas.

DSS's mum is asking us to have him at our house Friday day, night and Saturday day as she has a Christmas party that she wants to attend.

I don't think this is the right thing to do and personally I'm really uncomfortable with the situation she is putting us in but I would be really interested to hear other people's opinions on this. Surely he should be isolating in one household, not going between the two and potentially spreading it further.

My husband replied and said no when she requested this and explained as above, but she is now insisting we have him at our house.

In case it's relevant, DSS's mum had Covid a few weeks ago & DSS is usually with us 50% of the time.

OP posts:
LittleMysSister · 14/12/2021 15:28

No, he shouldn't be moving household. My SD recently tested positive and stayed home with her mum while SS (negative) still came to us for the weekend, even though it was his birthday weekend and it meant SD didn't get to be a part of it.

Neither parent thought it was appropriate for her to not do her isolation or to move homes. In fact, DP did the whole round trip to collect SS from his front door (100+ miles) because SD couldn't leave the house or be left alone.

Your DP was right to say no to this. Especially right on top of Christmas. If either of you catch it from her your Christmas is ruined. If she stays put, she is with a parent who recently had it so is massively unlikely to get it again, and SD is out of isolation for Christmas.

WizbitsLeftEye · 14/12/2021 15:39

He shouldn't be moving households with a positive result. End of. Your husband should stand his ground. As sad as it is not to see his son.

Theflamingnerd · 14/12/2021 15:41

DSS should isolate in one home, DH was right to say no. However he should offer to have DSS for some extra days after the isolation so that DSS's mum isn't put out or at a disadvantage, and DH is still pulling his weight.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 14/12/2021 15:45

Put out or disadvantaged having to care for her own sick dc?.. Omg.

Original poster
Rainbowraincoat · 14/12/2021 15:46

@LittleMysSister Thank you for replying. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy when it comes to this stuff & it makes me doubt myself a lot so I really appreciate the reassurance.

You're right about Christmas, if we caught Covid from SS on Friday/Saturday, we wouldn't be able to see him or any other family at all which seems really unfair on us for the sake of his mum's Christmas party.

OP posts:
Strangevipers · 14/12/2021 15:47

No this is not allowed

Especially so the mother can go to a party that's ridiculous

If they hadn't broken up, the family was still together and the kid tested positive then neither parent would be taken the kid to the shop or anything outside the house so why on earth would this mother think it's acceptable to send her positive. Hold to another household.

Theflamingnerd · 14/12/2021 15:54

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage

Put out or disadvantaged having to care for her own sick dc?.. Omg.
As they split time 50% the mum is "owed days" essentially as she is having DSS on days she wouldn't normally - maybe disadvantaged isn't the right phrase, but you get what I mean. DH should make up the time (looking after his child) when the isolation ends.
Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 14/12/2021 15:56

Surely it's what is best for the dc? Especially a poorly one!!
Do people really squabble over missing days and a poorly dc?

Theflamingnerd · 14/12/2021 15:59

It's purely just to be diplomatic and foster a mutually respectful relationship. If mum feels put out, this would be a nice peace offering. Surely it's also best for the child to make up for lost time with his dad too?

I personally can't fathom getting upset about missing a party of my child has covid, I'd want to stay home with them. But it clearly matters to the mum, and this could make the difference in keeping the peace.

Original poster
Rainbowraincoat · 14/12/2021 16:14

@santahatesbraisedcabbage @Theflamingnerd we are usually flexible, his mum is often away so we end up having SS extra days anyway. My husband definitely does pull his weight.

OP posts:
candlelightsatdawn · 14/12/2021 16:18

Legally you know the answer and so does the mum.Just because she wants to go to a party doesn't mean that she can forget the rules and not do her social responsibility to stop the spread. Step family or not these rules apply.

You don't owe mum a thing either, I say this as a mum who caught covid and was very unwell with my DD also catching covid and being really unwell.

excelledyourself · 14/12/2021 16:46

He should stay where he is.

What is mum planning to do today if your DH fights her "insistence"?

LittleMysSister · 14/12/2021 17:24

[quote Rainbowraincoat]@LittleMysSister Thank you for replying. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy when it comes to this stuff & it makes me doubt myself a lot so I really appreciate the reassurance.

You're right about Christmas, if we caught Covid from SS on Friday/Saturday, we wouldn't be able to see him or any other family at all which seems really unfair on us for the sake of his mum's Christmas party.[/quote]
Yep I understand, it can be hard to navigate step situations like this as accusations get thrown about so easily - you can bet your DP's ex is calling him selfish and saying he doesn't care about seeing DS etc etc.

But he really needs to stand firm, especially as we said, with Christmas round the corner. You don't want to not be able to see your families, including SS, just so that his mum can attend a party.

aSofaNearYou · 14/12/2021 17:55

He should stay where he is, it would be senseless to risk your Christmas plans just so she can go to a party, she's just trying her luck because she wants to go.

Magda72 · 14/12/2021 17:56

She can insist away but just keep saying no. He absolutely should not be moving between houses - I can't fathom WHAT the women is thinking. Missing stuff is part of being a parent - she'll get over it.

Blendiful · 14/12/2021 18:48

Agree with the others he should stay where he is. I agree if he comes to you now and you guys haven’t had it you could end up with it over Xmas. It shouldn’t be being unessecarily spread.

We’ve had a few DC with it, DSC had it and stayed at their mums for the duration. My DD had it and was actually at her dads when she got it but he felt she should ‘come home’. I consulted my DP and we agreed she could come home; she’s older and had to stay in her room, her dad clearly didn’t want the burden so I wanted her where I knew she could be properly looked after. I didn’t think it was ideal and I would rather she stayed where she was if her dad was any use! But as not we chose to bring her back. This was in the days where only the person with covid had to isolate though. If it was now when others do she would have had to stay regardless.

sunshinelover69 · 14/12/2021 19:41

Absolutely not - he should be isolating at his mum's. So she's prepared to risk spreading covid just so that she can go to a party? Very selfish.

mummytotwoboys0600 · 14/12/2021 20:22

Absolutely not. My two step children had covid and they did not come to our house until they were both out of isolation.
I can understand she's frustrated she has to miss out on things and your partner is her kids dad but rules are rules and she's putting your household at risk, it's just the way it goes.

Cherrytart23 · 14/12/2021 20:35

Basically mum has to miss out an stay home looking after sick son while dad does as he pleases. S##t being a single mum.
If dss was at your house when he became ill would he off stayed their the full time? Just curious.

sassbott · 14/12/2021 20:41

No he stays home. I recently had covid and then my children caught it. I had to cancel all my plans to stay with them, no question of them moving homes to my exh simply because I had dinner/ party plans.

sassbott · 14/12/2021 20:42

@Cherrytart23 no that isn’t the case at all. Those are the guidelines. And The legal responsibility of ensuring my children isolated at home was mine and my exh’s. Only in the case of an absolute emergency can those guidelines be broken.

Cherrytart23 · 14/12/2021 21:00

[quote sassbott]@Cherrytart23 no that isn’t the case at all. Those are the guidelines. And The legal responsibility of ensuring my children isolated at home was mine and my exh’s. Only in the case of an absolute emergency can those guidelines be broken.[/quote]
But dad doesn't need to stay home or isolate if has contact so he could go and mind child in mums house for few hours so mum can have a few hours off. And If child is in bed then it's very unlikely dad will catch it. I like I s##t being a single mum. And as for guidelines boris doesn't even follow his own guidelines so what's good for the goose an all that.

candlelightsatdawn · 14/12/2021 21:44

@Cherrytart23 we are all (if head screwed on) disliking boris and what they did and stand for. I think he's a 🛎 end with a bad wig.

But if I got Covid I'm not isolating because I agree with him. I'm isolating because morally and socially I have a responsibility to others to stop the spread.

Yes being a single mum is hard, yes some dads are shitheads. But this isn't about anyone's personal situation, it's about having a social responsibility and unless the risk is 0% no one else's good time should be prioritised over someone's ability to stay safe from Covid. You can't say take the risk go between houses that's fine and then bash Boris. That would make the person saying that as much as knob as his party is.

standingupfornonsense · 14/12/2021 21:50

I agree with you it's the right thing to do. I've had this recently where my DS had covid and isolated at ours. He wasn't able to go to his dads. His dad wasn't overly happy but did agree for DS to stay put. Our younger DS did move between houses though as under current roles this was allowed.

In January when I had it we all had to isolate in the house together (as were the rules then) and I was accused of withholding contact and benefitting from extra time with the boys (I didn't see them for 10 days as kept myself in the bedroom so no one else caught it - which they didn't!)

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 14/12/2021 21:50

[quote candlelightsatdawn]@Cherrytart23 we are all (if head screwed on) disliking boris and what they did and stand for. I think he's a 🛎 end with a bad wig.

But if I got Covid I'm not isolating because I agree with him. I'm isolating because morally and socially I have a responsibility to others to stop the spread.

Yes being a single mum is hard, yes some dads are shitheads. But this isn't about anyone's personal situation, it's about having a social responsibility and unless the risk is 0% no one else's good time should be prioritised over someone's ability to stay safe from Covid. You can't say take the risk go between houses that's fine and then bash Boris. That would make the person saying that as much as knob as his party is. [/quote]
100% spot on.

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