Nutty Stepmum's club

[reflection]

Hi....it's been a long time since I popped in here. I know why. I've just spent an hour browsing!! I have to say that at a particular time in my life the people that responded to my messages gave me great comfort and understanding and for that I am very gratful. I read some of these threads with sadness as being a step parent can be so hard. What a great place Mumsnet id for support!

You know I'm not a stepmum anymore....well sort of. DH and I split up but I still see SD all the time we are great friends. Her BM is still as strange as ever but hey at least I don't doubt myself anymore.

Hi to you all. Wishing you all well and Merry Christmas x

Hi there. Well I know nothing about step parenting and, in fact, as a single mother of 3 I must confess I would hate any stepmother to come near my children. It must seem odd to you, but it´s true. Its emocional, I can´t help feeling this way. But I realise you must be sad about your life and I wish you the best (even not a stepmum anymore...). You must have a child of yourself to understand me perhaps. XXX

Hello Reflection, long time no speak.

I have been thinking about you alot lately and here you are, see miracles do happen at Christmas time!

How are you? Its so good to hear from you

Hi Reflection. Sorry to hear about you and your dh, but that's great that you and dsd are still in touch. Says a lot about you.

And thanks for starting the thread. I never used to contribute to these much - like you say far too time consuming - but I miss them.

Where have you been hiding Squirrel?! How are you? I thought I was the only one left from NSMC days. Do you remember the night we (I) got drunk?

Hey I'm good. I got married in October....lovely guy. Dsd was one of my bridesmaids, how cool is that? Went ot see her in her school production the other day and she told me that the necklace I gave her for the wedding was really special and she wears it every day!

So, fingers crossed we will be having our own children some time in the near future....

Squirrel how are you? Are you well? Things good at home?

Surfermum I often wonder what you look like? I think that you have been the voice of reason on so many threads here, can't imagine you being drunk!!!

Chikenmother, you know I do often think about how hard it must be to be a Mum, and to have to accept that your child has a realtionship with other adult such as a step parent. Although I'm not a Mum I do have an understanding of how hard it is for all involved. However my DSD's BM was just unreasonable and very self absorbed. My other stepchild's (same father) BM and I are still good friends and so I no longer doubt myself when it comes to my realtionship with the kids. But what choice do women have when they meet a man that has kids? Ignore them or build a relationship that benefits them? It's hard for most blended families. But I'm certainly not sad about my life, if anything I am very much looking forwrd to my future, all the richer for the relationships I have with the people in it x

hello surfermum, how are you? I've been hiding in my lovey oak tree hibernating but I thought I'd come out to say hello to reflection, lol.

Not really, I don't come on much anymore. I don't realy think I've got much to offer tbh. I have become a grumpy old squirrel these days. I have been diagnosed with a problem with my central nervous system which affects my hands so badly its hard to type, therefore I am Mrs Grumpy Squirrel.

I do remember when you we got drunk, I was a bit p-ed off because my computer decided to have a nervous break down and stopped working but it was fun reading it all back the next day, bet you were squirming though PMSL.

Reflection, I am at you getting married, I am sooooooo pleased for you, What fantastic news! Its say alot about your relationship with dsd that she was your bridesmaid.

So when are you gonna have a baby then? As soon as possible please because you will be such a wonderful mum, your child will be so lucky to have you as her/his mum (you know what? I very nearly put just 'her mum' then, its going to be a girl I just know it).

Dp and I are grandparents to four now! Dsd1 had a little boy (9wks old) dss1 had a little girl (7mths old), with dd's two as well Christmas is going to be fun!

Lol @ can't imagine me being drunk. The local mumsnetters can't imagine me sober .

Many congratulations reflection, you are going to be a fantastic mum. And Squirrel a grandma to 4!! Congrats to you too.

Things are good her in the surfer household. Dsd (now 12) and I argue on a regular basis lol - but it's good. I know that sounds odd, but we never used to argue ever and I think we're so comfortable with each other that we can, and then just get over it. And it's not just me - she falls out with her mum loads as well.

But what has come out of all the arguing is that her mum has started speaking to me. For years it's been "she's nothing to do with dsd and don't ever expect me to speak to her". We now support each other when dsd is being difficult, and that's great because dsd can no longer play us off against each other as we all speak. I get invited in when we go to pick dsd up and best of all, on dsd's birthday we all went out for pizza - both parents, me, both lots of siblings. Cost us a fortune but well worth it for dsd's sake to finally have us all sitting round a table together. And for the first time I can imagine myself being at dsd's wedding.

What was really nice too was that during chats with her mum, she has said to me that I have never done anything wrong, dsd has never come home and said anything bad about me, and all her (dsd's mum's) anger and behaviour towards was never about me, it wasn't personal, it was all her stuff. And that was great to hear.

And we have dsd for Christmas this year too, so that's just the icing on the Christmas cake.

Now ...... where's NAAM.

We also need Tarantula too!

Surfermum, its fantastic how the relationship between all of you is so good now. I wish it could be like that here but its not. According to my steps mum I am not putting my hand in my pocket enough for them, I don't do enough for them, don't love them enough etc and when I am in pain and grumpy I should stay out of their lives, you get the general picture...

Dsd2 still doesn't really like me, she is 12 now too and tends to refuse to stay in the same room as me. As soon as she arrives she goes to her room and stays there until I tell dp that I will go up to our room so he can spend some time with her and sure enough as soon as dsd2 knows I am safetly tucked away she comes downstairs and spends the rest of the evening with her Dad. Don't know what I can do to change it, its been 7 years now - think I just have to accept that that is the way it is.

I'm sure things would be different if her mother had a different attitude towards me, of course dsd is going to side with her mother always, its only natural.

Sorry to hear how things are for you Squirrel and all that on top of your diagnosis too.

I wonder if Tarantula still dresses up as a Viking (was it Vikings or something else?).

Maybe we should drum up some new members .

I'll have some mulled wine please...

Yes, it was Viking surfermum, tarantula might still 'lurk' so she may join us swinging her tinsel decorated axe over her head at some point. I'm sure NAAM may be along soon too.

Its not all bad Surfermum, I do get on well wth the other steps. Dsd1 has insisted that I am 'Nanny' not just 'Squirrel' to her son and I am 'Nanny' to dss1's little girl too, which I am over the moon about, it really made me feel accepted and loved by them at least (remember Dsd1 and Dss1 are by DP's first wife whom I get on quite well with).

Boo!

Hello all

Thanks Squirrel for pointing this out to me. As you know, I hardly ever come on here these days

Reflection that's fantastic news! I'm married now too, got married in the summer

Surfermum good to hear from you too. I did send you an e-mail aaaaaaaages ago after I got your addy off Squirrel. I'm assuming it didn't reach you? If it didn't I'm really glad, because after I sent it I read it through and it made me sound like the stepmum from hell and I was too to e-mail you again....

Oh I remember that night we got drunk! It was hilarious, big on my face thinking about it. I remember texting DP (as he was then) he was at work on nights and the text made absolutely no sense whatsoever. He was PHSL

Things are OK with us, DH no longer sees his dd (very long story....) but we're ticking along OK

Did some one mention wine?????????Or booze of any kind come to that....Pass it over then. gotta drink to all teh married ladies

great to hear that everyone is doing well. .

Things are going well in the spider web too apart from I'm dying of a cold (possible man flu I think).

Now .... who's for a hot mince pie? Or a sausage roll?

Mmmm hot mince pie and mulled wine, merry christmas everyone

This is turning into the NSMC's Christmas do/reunion.

Oh and this is me.

Only joking! This is me

Anyone fancy some turkey? I've just cooked some here

oh yes please Is there any mustard or chutney to go with the sausage rolls? I'll ahve a few of them first adn then move onto the mince pies

love the pinny btw

and heres me eating that turkey

Hello tarantula glad you're OK too

PMSL at the pictures

Oh tarantula, I always knew you were beautiful, but I didn't realise exactly how beautiful you actually were until now...

There is no way I am ever clicking on a link that Tarantula does that says "this is me".

No offence and all that it's just I'm a teensy bit arachnophobic.

its fine surfermum, no spiders in that link at all.

Go on, I dare you! click the link!

Wow....how good is this! Feels like a party

Squirrel I am sorry to hear about your health but really pleased that your looking forward to Christmas.

Surfermum pleased that your all happily arguing over at your place.

Congratulations NAAM..fantastic news!

Wishing you well Tarantula

I am currently recovering from the effects of the night before. Works do. For some unknown reason to me if I have one glass of wine it seems to be a great idea to go on and have loads more......so not good for my poor head.

Surfermum......click the link

I was brave ..... I clicked ... you're just how I imagined you Tarantula .

Congrats to you too NAAM! Lovely news about the wedding, but about not seeing dsd. I can't imagine how that feels for him. I don't think I did get an email, as I deffo wouldn't have ignored one from you.

How lovely this is catching up with everyone just before Christmas. Something drew us all together here you know .... but I won't go all weirdy on you .

Just wanted to say I'm so bloody glad ure all stll there, never said much, but read much and u all really helped when I didn't think I could do it. Then life change has meant I haven't been on much and so good to see ure all there, as couldn't find you! xxx