CMS- what is it for?

[Cptainflaps]

Those of you that receive CMS/have a DP that pays. Have you made it clear between parents what that payment is to cover? What would you class as being “Extra” expenses that should be spilt.

(Just to add I know this is a bit circumstantial as I’m aware there are parents out there who are claiming to earn 2 buttons and a moth per week and don’t see their children and also don’t want to pay)

@RedWingBoots

OP why have you posted this thread on a step-parenting board?

Is your intention to cause arguments as that what it seems like to me. The place for this thread is lone parents board.

CMS or child maintenance is paid by a parent for their child.

A step-parent is not the child's parent so doesn't pay child maintenance to their other parent. A step-parent has absolutely no say in what it is spent on as it is absolutely none of their business

I agree. Some step parents may also have experience with CMS but they are not the people with any link to it by virtue of being a step parent.

Can help but agree with sofa and redwings here.

If the post was to gauge what our DH/partners pay that's fine, ask people may or may not share. I am a DM and SM so have shared both sides of the coin, but my nature step parents have 0 control over what their partner has agreed with the other parent of the SC

Step parents are not in anyway financially or morally responsible for the children they didn't create.

"Gasps of but your fammmmilllyy now, you should because of equality "
No. We are family but we aren't the parents and the wiser step parents know where the lines are and the buck stops financially at the parents door.

Some SM will take on the cost because it's a choice they activity chose to do but there's no moral or otherwise rule that says they should. Most object to the implication or subtle digs that we should under this whole umbrella of apologising for being part of a blended family.

Step parents are not in anyway financially or morally responsible for the children they didn't create.

This is totally correct. However the step parents children shouldn't be taken into account either tbh.

My ex pays less because he is deemed responsible for them, so they have a mum who pays for them, a dad who pays for them, and my ex gets to pay less for his own kids because he is also paying for them. They get 3 adults paying and my kids get the crumbs of what's left.

It should be an all or nothing situation, not cherry picking the bits that benefits the NRP.

CMS is the legal minimum and unless it's based on a high salary doesn't go anywhere near reflecting the actual cost of raising a child.

It's no one's business how the rp chooses to spend it.

@ABCeasyasdohrayme now I don't disagree with that if non biological children make CMS decrease (which I think it does ? - someone jump in if I'm wrong)

If the guy has more biological children then he needs to pay for all his kids, but I don't think that should mean it drops if he's paying basic CMS level, since that's pretty low. I haven't heard of many people who have paired pittance and then lowered the pittance for no reason but maybe that's because socially for me I would treat them as a leper.

@candlelightsatdawn any children who live with the NRP whether biological or step mean a decrease in CMS, biological kids I can understand, the step kid situation pisses me off so much.

That said he also pays more into a pension because that decreases what he has to pay, cut his hours to save on childcare for her kids and means less for mine and also says he travels hundreds of miles a month to see my kids when in reality he hasn't seen them in 3 or 4 years, however its down to me to prove he doesn't see them, what am i supposed to do, take a photo of them not standing next to him or something

The system is totally skewed in favour of the NRP.

If the guy has more biological children then he needs to pay for all his kids, but I don't think that should mean it drops if he's paying basic CMS level, since that's pretty low
I'm going to have to disagree there. If a man can barely pay for the kids he has he should not be having more, but once they are here the wisdom of poor contraceptive choices isn't the childs fault and they deserve the same amount of not very much as any of his other children.

I pay close to 1k per month and it’s none of my business what my ex spends it on. I’m sure it just goes into the general pot and whether it ends up paying food and mortgage, or shoes and make up is irrelevant tbh

Happy to ensure they have 2 decent houses to live in, 2 sets of things they need

The place for this thread is lone parents board

Why? Child maintenance is not the sole domain of lone parents. Plenty of people who either give/receive maintenance are in new relationships.

Step-parenting might not be the best place either.

My DP doesn't go through CMS, but pays personally to ExW. He pays over the CMS recommended amount, but extras on top of that include school uniform, coats, shoes, etc., pocket money, music lessons, phone contracts, plus things like bikes. The regular payments were agreed in the divorce settlement, but the 'extras' have happened fairly organically over time - i.e. when the opportunity for music lessons came up ExW was upfront that was an expense she couldn't cover, phone contracts came about because DP wanted them to have a higher data package so they could keep in contact via Facetime/Whatsapp, school uniform became our thing because we tend to have them in the latter half of the summer holidays etc.

My ex pays CMS only. Never a penny more. Never any contribution for uniform, trips, scout uniform, summer holiday club etc. He also thinks he's exempt from buying birthday and Xmas gifts.

(When we first split up he resisted CSA and demanded sight of my bank statements and all dc related receipts. After initial refusal I eventually relented and demanded half of all dc costs (including a fair share of all utilities, rent, car expenses etc). Funnily enough he accepted the CSA amount immediately. When CMS took over he was reluctant to move over to them, turned out he'd had a 30% pay rise that he'd not declared).

@ABCeasyasdohrayme

My ex pays the bare minimum he can get away with, he works part time now and looks after his girlfriends kids so she can work full time, plus he is apparently 'financially responsible' for them so I get even less.

His crappy 75p per child per day is supposed to cover absolutely everything, including Christmas and birthdays and he never gives me a penny more for anything.

He did, however, ask for my incomings and outgoings when I had the audacity to ask for help towards an expensive trip, and said he and his girlfriend would help me budget better so I didn't have to ask for help again.

Fuck me. 75p a day? That a packet of crisps. That's appalling.

[quote candlelightsatdawn]**@Pinkyxx incredibly selfish of me to ask when I should realise he now has other children he is responsible for (his partners children)

You know this has always baffled me. How can any man say I'm willing to provide for children that aren't biologically my own and refused to support their actual children.

I get funny about my DH contributing to my DD birthday because I feel as the mum it's mine and her dad to provide for her solely on our own which we do.any man that did this abs said it out loud to me would give me the GIANT ICK. [/quote]
@candlelightsatdawn I suppose he can because the CMS calculation actively encourages him to... it gives men like my ex a perfect excuse to shirk their responsibilities.. sadly the system is built to benefit NRPS ( although I'm sure it doesn't feel that way). They are both very high earners, I'm talking house worth over a million etc... he hides his income and claims her kids... her kids walk around in brand new designer gear mine 2nd hand stuff I get off ebay.... ICK ICK ICK.

Don't get me wrong I don't want DD's step mum to support my child, why on earth should she - its not her child??? But I resent that the calculation of what I get considers nights DD spends with him and a new partners kids yet it disregards how many nights her kids stay with her (one barely stays with them ever) and her income. How is that fair??? Either disregard them completely or take the partner's income into account & pattern of the other kids and look at the situation in a complete light so all children are equally supported.

I couldn't live with someone who treated their own flesh and blood this way.

My son’s dad pays £150 a month. This has recently gone up from £120 a month after I asked him to think about paying more due to increased utility costs and the £20 uplift going away.
It gets added to my monthly budget but I don’t ask him for more. I pay childcare etc

We’re not at school age yet so that may change

@Pinkyxx I mean CMS is a bit ok a joke in terms of cost, I don't know how they come to the conclusion that 75p is enough of a amount to support a child 😵‍💫 I certainly don't know of any females or males that would be like "ah that seems like enough" but I don't doubt those people don't exist.

I would say though seems men like your ex will do anything to avoid paying their dues no matter the presence of a women (who knows man on the scene is) and her kids. Their presence is a red herring, in my view because the fact of the matter is if low ends CMS was liveable then they would be moot point. The anger is so often misdirected at the wrong people. But I get its irritating but I'm guessing he would be a 🛎 end regardless.

Having said whole forums dedicated to avoiding paying CM which I think is fairly diabolical tbh. Same with the rich and tax avoidance, it seems if you have that mentality that will be your approach on all things money related.

Just a thought...

My ex pays the minimum now but for the first 4 years after we separated he was more generous. He's gone on and had 2 more kids since so the current amount is probably a fair proportion of his available income. I pay for the majority of what the DC need myself, his contribution goes some way towards extra curricular stuff, shoes, coats, birthday parties. My income is enough for us to get by on so I guess I'm pretty lucky really.

I don’t receive any maintenance, but if I did it would just go in to the pot with my income and go towards everything that needs to be paid for.

My ex pays nothing towards our children, claims he's on benefits yet can't have the children much due to working 🧐

My DH pays £200 a week towards his children. That covers pretty much everything. Obv when they are with him he pays for food, trips out, presents and clothes and toiletries for here.

It's all a bit circumstantial isn't it really.

I get the CMS stipulated amount - this was after years of getting a significantly lower amount that EXDH had decided upon. All hell broke loose when I went to the CMS direct.

I pay; all clothing, uniforms, footwear, sports kits, sport fees, private tuition, winter coats, glasses, school trips, pocket money, laptops, phones and data packages. I have also paid for private counselling for DS when he needed it.

Luckily the amount I receive covers a portion of that because teenagers are so expensive.

The flip side is EXDH feels I take all of his money and have placed him in poverty. He has been very vocal about that. My DS wears the clothes that he has on his back for the time that he is with his DF. Other than that, he wears his DF's clothes as my ex has relinquished all responsibility to provide due to 'paying' me.

But, it means I do not have to ask him for anything. It takes away any need for dialogue which is priceless.

My EX pays me half the amount for 2 DC that he pays his EXDW for 1 DC plus half of DC nursery fees, on the basis that I earn more so can afford it . Over the last 5 months since we split, he's had the DC on average 3 nights a month, and is also claiming poverty, despite walking away with almost £100k (50%) proceeds from our house sale.

I will shortly be asking CMS to deduct the full amount of money due straight from his salary (he is a high earner), and DC finish paid pre-school in a few months as I've had enough of him messing about with payments to try and exert control over me (he used to attempt this when we were together).

Your screenshots are so accurate in my case @reasysteady.

I get the amount per the online calculator. He has offered to pay towards uniform costs but I'm too proud to accept. I get some strength from not asking him for anything...ever

My partner pays and also pays half of school uniform and school trips.

I get pittance for my children and that just goes into the household pot. No extras