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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

Your step kids mum!!

30 replies

Twocanplay · 05/11/2021 23:12

What really is there issue?? That your dating their ex??
Why do they poison the children against the father??
There's been years of nonsense and slating and being generally really unkind to us and telling the kids that we are this and that.
She is married now and its still continuing with the hate.
We have never done anything wrong to her yet she is constantly making digs at us.
If you have kids and are no longer with the father of your children, are you disrespectful about the other parent to your children?

OP posts:
KylieKoKo · 05/11/2021 23:14

My scs mum isn't like this ...

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 05/11/2021 23:16

If you have kids and are no longer with the father of your children, are you disrespectful about the other parent to your children?
Nope. Which is more than be said for him and his wife and how they speak about me.

But some Mums are nasty. Some dads are nasty. Some step mums are wonderful. Some less so.

Who knows what the ex in your situation has an issue with. Its sad for the children involved though.

LublinToDublin · 05/11/2021 23:18

They?
You think it OK to lump all mothers together as if "they" all act in a particular way? Don't be stupid.

If you want to.post about your situation fine but don't generalise.

FindingMeno · 05/11/2021 23:24

My SC's mum is lovely.

jackiebenimble · 05/11/2021 23:25

Nope. We chat about Dad all the time and is family. If he'd find sth funny. Sth that might remind us of him. I never bad mouth him. And i don't believe he does me. There have been times i have wanted to.

I actually do not care for their step mum. She is in your face. Mouthy. Overly opinionated. Loud. But the kids dont mind her. And well none of us have a choice do we its their dads choice so we just get on with it. I try to avoid her if i can. But am always polite and civil. And only my mum
And a friend know what i really think. Oh and now you lot. I wouldnt dream of saying anything negative about her infront of the kids. And to give her credit i dont think she would about me either. She would never deliberately damage them. I would never dream of offending the ex by letting him know either.

Original poster
Twocanplay · 05/11/2021 23:25

Oh sorry mumsnet police! Stop nitpicking. When I'm in the moment writing a rant I'm just saying what's on my mind not really thinking about "they" "them" I'm not lumping all mothers together and definitely do not call me stupid! Just get off this post please, you haven't added anything of interest to it anyway! Bye!

OP posts:
KylieKoKo · 05/11/2021 23:26

@Twocanplay

Oh sorry mumsnet police! Stop nitpicking. When I'm in the moment writing a rant I'm just saying what's on my mind not really thinking about "they" "them" I'm not lumping all mothers together and definitely do not call me stupid! Just get off this post please, you haven't added anything of interest to it anyway! Bye!
I think I understand why your sc's mumis hostile towards you ...
Original poster
Twocanplay · 05/11/2021 23:29

I'm not like that in person... wow I'm not using mumsnet for the foreseeable.. you ask for advice and you get negatively. Thanks for the nice comments

OP posts:
Original poster
Twocanplay · 05/11/2021 23:30

@LublinToDublin

They? You think it OK to lump all mothers together as if "they" all act in a particular way? Don't be stupid.

If you want to.post about your situation fine but don't generalise.

RUDE
OP posts:
nordicnorth · 05/11/2021 23:32

Oh I do love a good flounce!

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/11/2021 23:32

She’s doing it because she’s unhappy. If she had what she wanted in her life she’d be too busy being happy to have time to obsess about her ex or trying to sabotage his relationship with their children.

Some parents, women and men, hate their ex more than they love their children which is very sad for everyone and comes back to bite them on the arse down the line.

How old are your steps? If it’s been years are they old enough to liaise direct with both parents so your DP doesn’t need to talk to her?

GJMJ · 05/11/2021 23:34

My SC mum has made our life hell for 10 years, I feel your pain!!!!

LublinToDublin · 05/11/2021 23:39

Calm down.
Your OP was rude and goady.
I've been on both sides - I've been a step mum and my dd has a step mum.
Every situation is different.
Am I disrespectful - no but I'm honest
Was dsc's mum disrespectful no. But was it always an easy relationship? No.

ShinyGreenElephant · 05/11/2021 23:41

One of my sc mums is fine - very different type of mum to me but thats fine. Dsds mum however is awful - an absolutely shit mum in every way and constantly high conflict. Dsd is now 12 and has pretty much stopped visiting, mostly down to her mum dripping poison in her ear. Her mum has always been very jealous and seems to think we have some kind of blessed, privileged life which we really, really don't, just different standards (eg calling me a stuck up cow for taking the kids to the dentists for check ups twice a year). She's just an awful person all round. On the other hand, my eldests step mum is lovely, she doesnt see them much as they live abroad and her dads feckless but me and the sm get on really well and shes a lovely person in my daughters life which is all I want.

So basically its possible to have a harmonious blended family situation with some but not all people - some are just dreadful no matter how hard you try.

Ugzbugz · 05/11/2021 23:43

My ex and his wife would say the same. zero maintenance paid, moved miles away and always tries it on with me. Told her but apparently I'm insane. Although I now have 2 jobs and have evidence but she's made her bed so good luck to them. There is always 2 sides.

uneffingbelievable · 05/11/2021 23:43

Who knows - very few of us know what caused the relationship to break down and what resentments there are.

Never slagged the SM off - she was not worth a second of my time or energy. My BFs truly know what I think but to the rest of the world and DCs - I dvise them to be polite - they do not need to like her but not give her reason to criticise.

This is the woman who has recently got a job in my company - she did nothing vaguely related to the niche field I am in, but her new dept is now opposite mine and I have to walk past her 4 days per week. Of all the places to get a job - she chose my place of work - bloody creepy and i do have a very clear view on that.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 05/11/2021 23:50

I try not to bad mouth, but there have been times when I’ve had to be honest (that it really wasn’t ok for dad / stepmum to send me abusive messages for example, or that money is tight because his dad doesn’t pay). So I admit I have issues with them, but I also make it clear to ds (15) that those issues shouldn’t get between ds and his dad. It’s hard though. I’m sure they’d say a whole lot about me though! And I’m sure he’s given her a whole sob story in which I’m the bad guy.

candlelightsatdawn · 05/11/2021 23:53

Ok so as a SM my DHs ex is fine on the whole although is pron to bouts of jealousy, people getting on her ear and general humaness, created from only ever getting her own way. She is fine if she's kept happy.

I'm starting to think maybe I'm not neurologically typical because I just don't feel that way about others as strong as she seems to and shows it openly. Something I would deal with internally first before making it others issue.

As a mum I can look at how she's reacted to something and go oh I would have reacted badly to that too and it allows me to empathise with her situation even if I think her thinking is wrong or not what's best for the children involved.

However this takes effort, that frankly I'm getting tired of giving. That's not meant in a unkindly way but it's extra effort to deal with it so I have to detach on some level. I don't mind doing it if she's also willing to try and empathise with me but more often she's not. It's first wife and child syndrome rolled into one.

Only way to protect your peace in these situations is to nacho.

Courtier · 06/11/2021 00:06

Depends. Some step mums were the husbands affair partner...

Hapoydayz · 06/11/2021 00:28

I'm not a step mum neither does my child have one. I would assume the SM is hearing things on a very slanted basis and he is saying she's mad. Probably very few are. Also don't get the desperate need for the dads new partner to want to be so involved and not just leave the parents to it.

AchyFlower · 06/11/2021 05:52

My DSC's mum is fine it me as I keep her at a distance so she never contacts me just DH. They seem to bumble along OK and then every so often she explodes in a loads of texts. Refuses to do their set phone call and has now started sending messages through oldest DSC which DH keeps saying is not fair for them.

Partly I genuinely think she worries he will forget about them. But there's no way that's happening. But there is also a lot of jealousy there as I'm a high earner so she feels entitled to this.

AchyFlower · 06/11/2021 05:53

@Hapoydayz

I'm not a step mum neither does my child have one. I would assume the SM is hearing things on a very slanted basis and he is saying she's mad. Probably very few are. Also don't get the desperate need for the dads new partner to want to be so involved and not just leave the parents to it.
Thing is if I don't get involved that also isn't good enough for some people. So it's a tricky line to tread.
SuPerDoPer · 06/11/2021 06:02

Well that was the quickest flounce I've seen for a while.

I think I see why the OP finds it hard to get on with people...

funinthesun19 · 06/11/2021 08:22

I was once with someone with an ex wife, and she was hot and cold really. Even when she was being nice I could always sense the bubbling resentment and dislike.

greyspottedgoose · 06/11/2021 08:27

@SuPerDoPer

Well that was the quickest flounce I've seen for a while.

I think I see why the OP finds it hard to get on with people...

😂😂