Can I be a stepparent like this? Can I be in this relationship?

[Jeri2021]

Hello - I need some support please from Mums/Dads/Stepparents/Grandparents/anyone!

My partner has a son living in South America. Last night he showed me a video of his son that his Dad sent him - his son was saying Father doesn't exist anymore whilst his Grandfather was explaining, no your Father lives in England and is working.

I am English my partner is South American. He has a son who lives with his parents (his sons grandparents) most of the time and the rest of the time with his Mum - who I am told is trouble. They were never in a relationship and child was not planned.

My partners parents sent him to England to make money with the intention of making money to return home.

During his time here he met me, we became a couple, we went to South America in 2020 and I met his family. My partner asked me to marry him. I said yes. But when we returned to the UK I am wondering if I am doing the right thing? I am wondering if my partner is doing the right thing? Watching the video of his son last night made me so sad.

I need support from people who won't judge me, who might be in a similar situation or be able to offer actual guidance not opinions like my own friends and family here.

I would hate to be the reason a son doesn't have his Father present..

It's not clear what you partner wants. He's so hand off I wouldn't call him a parent never mind you a stepparent.

You need to be warned that some men who are estranged from their kids use them to make them seem future father material. Take note of how he's acted with his son. Should your relationship breakdown he'll do the same and see his son once in 4 years or maybe even worse. Honestly - is his recent interest a result of you pushing him? That's not a man that you should have babies with.

You also need to find out more about his financial obligations as it may mean he can not afford to have children with you or may expect you to contribute too. This is a big fat potential resentment issue right here.

I would assume that he is sending a very significant chunk of his earnings home to his parents. That is frequently the case in situations like this. If you are earning, you may feel obliged to do similar.

Was thinking its totally normal in some cultures that a parent (or both) leave the dc to make money that will enhance the lives of their dc long term. This clearly isn't the case here though, your dp really isn't anything more than a cash cow, he cba to forge a relationship with his CHILD, he considers him a complication. Think carefully about this OP, is this the sort of man you'd like to have kids with?