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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

WWYD - covid symptoms

55 replies

SnowWhitesSM · 04/10/2021 10:07

Name change as apparently I'm an evil SM

Dss (8) tested positive on lft yesterday, has a horrible cough that has been keeping him awake, a temperature and a sore throat. He then tested negative on PCR test. He was with his dm when tested.

In my household me, dh, two dc are all negative. Me and dh did PCR test and dc have done multiple lft.

Dh is now saying that dss will be coming over Friday.. apparently its no different than my dc going to school and being surrounded by covid there. Dd also had a friend test positive on lft and negative pcr but she had no symptoms of covid. As she went back to youth club dh says that its no different.

I am really worried. Dh is a bit of an anti vaxer so hasn't been jabbed. I've only had the first one so far. My dds older brother (16) had myocarditis after covid and was seriously unwell in hospital.

I've rang 111 for advice and a clinician is going to ring me back to discuss. I've looked on the NHS and gov.uk web sites and advice is to do another pcr test if you still have symptoms after negative pcr. I'm actually wondering if it wasn't done properly and that's why it came back negative for dss.

To further complicate matter, my dd had a cold two weeks ago. She done multiple negative lft and negative pcr. She wasn't poorly like how dss is poorly and still went to school. Dh is saying that dss has picked covid up from us and we've all had it/or picked it up when we went to the fair last week - but none of us have tested positive argh!

Wwyd? I feel dss should stay with his mum for 10 days tbh.

OP posts:

Suitcaseseverywhere · 04/10/2021 10:09

He’s negative?

Original poster

SnowWhitesSM · 04/10/2021 10:16

His lft was positive and he has the symptoms. I don't think his pcr test was done properly.

OP posts:

Suitcaseseverywhere · 04/10/2021 10:17

But he did a PCR?

Whatsitbeen · 04/10/2021 10:18

Get a second pcr done?

Purplewithred · 04/10/2021 10:27

From what I've read I believe the positive lf is more likely to be correct than the negative pcr. If a lf says covid it is very likely to be true; if a pcr says negative it's a little bit less likely to be true.

I'd assume he has it and take the argument from there.

Original poster

SnowWhitesSM · 04/10/2021 10:39

That's what I've also read @Purplewithred. I know I am probably being completely over the top but I feel dh is putting himself, me and dc at risk of death for no reason whatsoever.

For context when dss dm tested positive and dss was with us at the time, I told dh that dss could stay for the 10 days and I'd wfh so he could still work, as I didn't want dss to catch it and be poorly either (the same really as what I want to do for my dc now). I'm not being a twat because he's my step child.

OP posts:

lunar1 · 04/10/2021 10:47

They need to do another PCR, there is plenty of time to get the results before Friday. Though I'll be honest, there doesn't seem to be a need to deliberately swapping colds between houses when they will lead to more time off, unless it's absolutely unavoidable.

Woodmarsh · 04/10/2021 11:07

Wow this wouldn't even be a debate in our house, no way would DSS be coming, your OH is being ridiculous

SoupDragon · 04/10/2021 11:11

I think he should take another PCR.

SouthSideSally · 04/10/2021 11:17

It think you might not get anywhere with an antivax partner if you use hyperbolic chat like he is putting you and children "at risk of death”. The current rules mean that as soon as anyone has a negative PCR they are free to roam among us. So your child's school IS full of children who have covid or are living with people who have covid. To avoid ”risk of death” you would have to completely home school and isolate them from clubs etc. I'm not belittling how scary that is but I am trying to put your current issue into perspective.

There's also the question of what would you do if your child had covid. Would you insist they stayed away from their home to avoid infecting the rest of the household? Your home IS your stepsons home and his father is his parent and has a responsibility to care for him even if he is ill. Just as you have a responsibility to care for your children of they are ill.

I know it's never a popular opinion on Mumsnet but separated parents should all form part of the same household, just in different houses.

Noogar · 04/10/2021 11:31

I know I am probably being completely over the top but I feel dh is putting himself, me and dc at risk of death for no reason whatsoever.

No, you're not being over the top. He's basically saying that rather than inconvenience people he would rather take the chance that he, you and DC could catch covid. And then there's the chance, even if it is small, that you could die. And that this is less important to him than seeing his child and you just have to lump it.

The child will surely be devastated if they pass covid on to their dad and kill them.

Noogar · 04/10/2021 11:32

Would you insist they stayed away from their home to avoid infecting the rest of the household? I would if my LO had a parent in another home who had already been exposed. Better to kill one parent than two.

Original poster

SnowWhitesSM · 04/10/2021 11:38

@SouthSideSally I know it's hyperbolic language, but dcs older brother really was at deaths door. They were in an icute ward for a week as his heart rate wouldn't drop, then when it did drop it dropped dangerously low.

NHS guidance says if you still have symptoms after negative pcr test then to do another test, not to go back out! Dh has now said he's spoken to dss dm and she's going to sort another pcr test and we'll see what happens from there.

Dh isn't a complete loon, he just watches too many tiktoks around this vaccine and can't decide if he's more scared of the vaccine or of covid.

OP posts:

Original poster

SnowWhitesSM · 04/10/2021 11:40

Oh and if my dc had it and weren't at home I'd arrange for them to stay where they are (their dads or my mum). If they were home and tested positive then they wouldn't be going to their dads and spreading it to him and that side of their family. Why would anyone needlessly infect anyone else.

OP posts:

Original poster

SnowWhitesSM · 04/10/2021 11:45

I had a quick Google about false positive lft and it's 0.04 chance of a false positive.

OP posts:

CornishGem1975 · 04/10/2021 12:12

I do know people who have had tested positive on LFD and then negative on PCR (mainly kids from school) but if concerned just do another PCR. Seems the easy answer. If negative he can come, if positive he stays away.

HalzTangz · 04/10/2021 12:17

Was the LFT taken when the child had symptoms, if so ignore that test. The LFT is only to be used when there is no symptoms.

The PCR is more likely to be correct.

The child could just have the cold that is doing the rounds rather than covid.

For peace of mind ask for another PCR

MadeForThis · 04/10/2021 12:36

An lateral flow can be positive if they have drank orange juice.

Do another PCR test and if he's still negative then let him come.

SpongebobNoPants · 04/10/2021 12:57

@SouthSideSally I couldn’t disagree with you more regarding this.
When my SD16 and her DM caught covid we kept SD12 at our house for 3 weeks to try and keep her safe.
And when SD12 caught it we didn’t have her at our house to minimise the risk of exposure to my children.

Why on earth would you unnecessarily knowingly expose children / other family members to it?
I know there’s a risk at school etc but if you know someone has covid, why would you have them in your home when it isn’t necessary?

Also OP, my colleague’s husband works in the covid lab in the West Midlands and he told us that the chances are getting a false positive on an LFT are close to zero. PCR is far more likely to give a false positive.
I wouldn’t risk it and would not be happy with my DH if he didn’t insist he was retested.

SpongebobNoPants · 04/10/2021 13:17

An lateral flow can be positive if they have drank orange juice
I don’t think this is the case, it was children pouring acidic drinks directly onto the LFT that can cause false positives

Whatwentwronghere · 04/10/2021 13:37

Correct me if I'm wrong but if it's

0.04% false positive rate on lfts

30% false negative rate on pcr

So he's 750 times more likely to be covid positive than not.

SpongebobNoPants · 04/10/2021 13:44

Sorry… my post was meant to read “it’s far more likely that the PCR produced a false negative”

DirtyDancing · 04/10/2021 13:54

Defo false neg. My BBF just had one. 6 positive LFT and neg. PCR. Did a second PCR 2 days later.. positive

rose69 · 04/10/2021 14:13

I would be more concerned about living with your anti vax husband that having a child with a negative pcr to stay. He would be over his most infectious period if he did have it.

Original poster

SnowWhitesSM · 04/10/2021 15:00

Dss has done another lft that is positive. His dm is taking him for another pcr this afternoon. I think its still going to be negative tbh. The more I've read the more lft pick up more accurately when symptoms first develop and pcr tests aren't as good until a week or so.

So great, dh is saying that if that one is negative he can come over like normal.

OP posts:

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