Am I really being a wicked step mother?!

[OnlyOneRaisin]

So for background i honestly don't believe I'm a bad step mother at all. I have always gone out of my way to be kind, welcoming, friendly and have helped out a lot with DSCs over the years always doing what I can. Both DH and their Mum has asked me for help with things before and I've always been happy to. I have a really good relationship with the kids too, they message me and even call me sometimes when they aren't with us too just to chat or to ask for something like kids do

Anyway, just wanted to mention the above so people know I'm really not some horrible push the kids out type.

We bought a house recently as we'd been renting for a while and wanted to get on the ladder.

When we first moved we agreed that DSC would have the biggest bedroom so that our joint DS (who is 1) could have some storage in there for his things as he gets more as he grows but he'd physically sleep in with us until we were ready to move (we are only hoping to be here for about 2-3 years). Both rooms are doubles, one is slightly larger which DSC are in but we can manage okay in ours with the double bed, wardrobes and a cot/toddler bed for DS. We'll hopefully then be in a position financially to move onto a 3 bed in the nearish future.

Anyway, the set up was that there would be a space left clear in DSCs room so that we could get some storage in there for DS's things, toys, clothes, etc... DSC also have bunk beds (which they wanted), drawers for their clothes, a table, computer, a chair, side tables etc.. and a TV with games console.

DH has now started saying they can get more stuff like a sofa for example in the space we agreed to leave for a bit of storage for DS. DSCs haven't even brought this up he is just mentioning it.

We've argued tonight because I reminded him that we were supposed to be getting storage for DS's stuff especially as he gets older, starts getting more toys etc... And hes told me I'm pushing his kids out, taking over their room, not "letting them have a nice room"?! Our son will be fine with his stuff in our room until he's 3 (it's cramped as it is because we took smallest for precisely this reason!!).

I'm really upset (and pissed off) I am NOT a bad step Mum I know that in my heart, the fact he's saying I'm try to push out his kids because I've asked for a small space for storage for DS which we agreed before we moved and is why DSC are in the bigger room in the first place?!

As for not letting them have a nice room..?! They have so much stuff in there they absolutely do not go without at all, TV, drawers, table computers etc...

This absolutely isn't anything against DSC, they've known they'd have to have some of their brothers things in their room from the start and they've always been fine about it.

But DHs comments tonight have really upset me. It's like I can't make any comment about anything even remotely relating to the kids without him getting defensive like I'm terrible and want to push his children out. I also feel annoyed for my son who, whilst I appreciate is only young now, will have no space in his home for his things and will just have everything crammed (or even the attic because there is literally not enough room for much more stuff in ours) into our room for the next 2 years.

Interestingly, we had guests from Hong Kong. They took a look at our kitchen and commented that it was the size of their flat in HK! (It's two rooms with a wall removed, not a vast farmhouse kitchen).

However, their society is set up differently and life is lived outside the home. They must have had the equivalent of Japanese sleep pods for the 6 of them.

They just have differing views of fairness and equity.

Yes one of them thinks one of the children deserves shit all space to call their own and the other is simply asking for a bit of the other room to be set aside for their toys. Not even a room. Just part of a room.

If the bigger bedroom is for the DSC then it should actually be for ALL the kids. Suggest a partition so that your DC gets a third of that room. Whether you put a bed in there (now/later) or storage fir toys/clothes - it should remain their 'share' of the room.

Sharing a tiny bedroom with a 2/3 year old is impractical.

It in no way changes what should be an equitable distribution of dad's space and resources within "his " household
Do you stand by your viewpoint that the "equitable" thing is to provide the DSC their own sofa instead of allocating space for the younger child in his one and only home?
Is that the best way for the father to allocate "his" resources? Is it an expense now which would be better avoided rather than taken away later, as the younger child cannot share with his parents indefinitely?
Why do the wants of one set of children trump the needs of the full time residents of the house? How do you twist that to describe what is happening here as "equitable"?
He's got "obligations" and is electively choosing to ignore them in favour of 2/3 of his children.

@Youseethethingis

Effectively the youngest child has the largest space allocation as things stand Have the fucking packet

Couldn't have put it better myself.

@SpaceshiptoMars

Interestingly, we had guests from Hong Kong. They took a look at our kitchen and commented that it was the size of their flat in HK! (It's two rooms with a wall removed, not a vast farmhouse kitchen).

However, their society is set up differently and life is lived outside the home. They must have had the equivalent of Japanese sleep pods for the 6 of them.

Having lived in HK / Tokyo the living standards are different. In both countries it is much, much cheaper (and healthier) to eat out everyday than to cook at home; and so many houses don’t have more than a grill or a microwave in the house. Kids will also spend most of the day out (often 8-8).

It matters not what is available in the ex's household. in an ideal world no it doesn't. And it doesn't really affect whether OP's DH's plan is fair or not (it's not).

But realistically if my DSC have a room each at their mums large enough to store all their large possessions and that is where they want them all the time then they don't need the extra space at ours.

If they have a piano to practise on at mums they don't need one here too. Or a horse. Or whatever it is.

Do you stand by your viewpoint that the "equitable" thing is to provide the DSC their own sofa instead of allocating space for the younger child in his one and only home? yes sorry DC, you have no where to keep any of your toys as DSC need a sofa to make sure everything is equal..wtf.

@Tattler2 heard of the saying - "When you are in a hole stop digging"?

Do you have the kids all the time?

If not he is definitely being unreasonable

If yes he is still being unreasonable

1, he has three children, who should all be treated equally
2 the agreement was the older two would get the larger room so there is storage in there for his THREE children
3 if he is now renaging on that agreement then either the rooms are swapped so there is storage for one of his three children in your room, or he moves his stuff into his children’s room and you use the space for HIS third child

I feel so sorry for your little one

You sound like a fair & loving step mother, the DSC sound like lovely children, your DH sounds like a brat! He's pushing his youngest out.