My pathetic vent

[FTstepmum]

I've been a full-time SM to 4 gorgeous SC (aged 6 to 13) for three years. I left my family, friends, career and home city to marry my DH and raise the children with him.

I made the right decision - I adore them and my DH and vice-versa. That said, it was a major wrench leaving everything I knew and loved to move 150 miles away to this small backwater community.

Their mother left them all in 2015 to live with her boyfriend and focus on her career, leaving my DH to work and raise the children (then aged 6 months to 8 years) on his own - until we met and married.

She visits them 3 times a year for one day and spends a fortune on them when she does - though it's been a year since her last visit.

Other than these occasional visits, she has never written or called to speak with the children, including on their birthdays and Christmas.

She messaged DH out of the blue today asking if they want to see her this Saturday. Most of the children excitedly said they wanted to, saying "I love her! She always takes us to really fun places!"

This is the bit where I get pathetic and feel put out. I understand she's their mother, but she does no mothering or caring for them. I feel that she doesn't deserve their affection and it hurts to know that she doesn't care for them anywhere near enough.

I just wanted to vent and say I'm upset by it.

There. Done it. Thanks if you read this far. Xxx

I think you are truly amazing OP and the children are very fortunate to have you in their lives.

ThuMuClu

I remind myself that these day to day experiences are a privilege. They are what make up our lives. In jokes, funny day to day memories, quirks - she won’t share any of those. In years to come these are the things you remember.

ThuMuClu, i’m glad you posted this. I completely agree. Often times on MN I see people making arguments about resident and nonresident kids, and saying that regular weekday interactions with parents aren’t “quality time.” I’ve never understood this opinion. The strong memories and trust come from the day-to-day stuff.

I had one non-resident parent (dad) and two resident parents (mom and stepdad). My dad died young from lung cancer. As he was ailing, we both realized how sad it was that we had no day-to-day memories together. I didn’t love him less, but it was incredibly painful for both of us to acknowledge, too late, the preciousness of what had been missed.