Contact as the child gets older

[LabMonkeyX]

DP has a 10 year old and we share a 3 year old. We currently have DSD every other weekend and 2 nights a week (school pick up, tea and stays over). So 6 nights per fortnight.

DSD will be going to high school next year and will obviously become more independent.

How has contact changed as non resident children get older?

Reason for asking is that we are looking to buy a house but don't know where. We currently live in the same city as DSD but 2 hours away from elderly parents. We were thinking of buying in a town 1 hour away from where we currently are, so 1 hour from DSD and 1 hour from elderly parents. It's also a cheaper area and we could afford a bigger house, so DSD would get a decent size room with space for a spare bed, desk etc.

She said tonight that when she goes to High School she doesn't want Daddy picking her up from school anymore, as she would like to get the bus with friends.

I'm concerned about being so far from both sets of elderly parents, so moving an hour closer is reasonable from that perspective. I'm concerned about the impact it would have on DSD though. Then again, 1 hour isn't a huge drive, so we could get to her if needed.

I don't understand why you can't discuss it with her at this point if she is the only part that holds you back? Just say that you are considering it but I my if it works for her too. List the advantages and I conveniences. She will either say it's great, be a bit unsure, or freaks out.

maybe sound things out with her

She’s 10. Not 20. How do you expect a 10 year old to understand the implications of this? You can “sell” it to her how you like but doesn’t mean she’ll fully get it right now.

Honestly I think it’s too permanent a change to make now. Wait til she goes to uni.

Being an hour from parents and an hour from DSD means you’ll be in the car the whole time. But it sounds like a bigger bedroom and more cycling paths (or whatever) are perhaps a bigger draw than a little girl who needs both parents to show that she is top priority just as she’s about to head into puberty….

Sorry, this move benefits the two adults (you) and no one else. As,ing not to be picked up doesn't mean she doesn't want to still,come and stay the time she always has with her dad. So,you'd drop contact, to suit you both, from 6 nights a fortnight, to three. And assume that her friends parents would be happy for them at the age of 11/12, to go an hour away with people they've never met? How about waiting and seeing how she goes? New school and her dad buggering off in the same year is bloody harsh

Would you ever consider moving yourself an hour away from your own DD at this age?

Leaving her to choose between being near school, friends and her dad or travelling a 2hiyr round trip midweek to see you?

I think it's great you listened to the advice OP. You've made the right call

For an 10 year old, being an hour away from school / social life won’t matter that much because they get taken everywhere and parents basically organise all activities. But that changes very quickly as they get into secondary school and even more so further into their teens. There is very little of the young child time left; you really need to be thinking based on 2 years ahead, not now. It would be different if she was 3/4.