What would you do

[candlelightsatdawn]

So firstly this isn't a situation I'm in (frankly and selfishly I'm grateful because this one has me conflicted)

My friend is SM been in SD since she was one and she's now 14 .She's very close with SD and gets on well with her mum and everyone gets on very well together (bar the normal tiffs).

SD has confided in my friend her SM that's she's pregnant and has asked SM not to tell dad or mum because she's considering her options. SD reasoning is that both are very pro life (very religious) and the fallout would be bad disowned by both dad and mum. SM believes this isn't a over reaction, as they have said as much and both parents opted out of teaching SD about contraception as they both agree and believe that absentance is the only way forward and sex before marriage makes you a w*e. The dad in question is SD bf and is of same age, I don't know if that's relevant.

She doesn't know what to do, as is aware SD is a child but also aware that 14 is very young to be disowned by both parents and that she has no parental rights to make any choices either way. She is trying to respect her SD privacy but also the ex and her DH and their wishes

This has me stumped - I really don't k ow what to advise, if it was a case of sex not being consensual tell the parents but SD says that's not the case and she's petrified of having a baby. SD isn't far of her majority either and can access these services I believe without parents knowing. SM is trying support anyway she can but isn't sure where the line is.

What would you do ? I'm asking both mums and step mums here ?

I'm mainly asking because for the first time ever, I'm not sure what to advise my friend and she's split right down the middle. She loves SD and also loves DH even if her views are different to his on the matter. I suspect it's part of the reason why she spoke to my friend about it.

Can this not turn into a ethical debate over abortion or not. So much as in what if anything should she do and not do.

She is trying to respect her SD privacy but also the ex and her DH and their wishes

I don't think anyone who would disown their 14yo DD for getting pregnant is worthy of much respect.

The daughter needs support right now, and it seems like her step mother is the only one willing to give it to her.

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

In all honesty I would take SD to the doctors, get the pregnancy confirmed, go over the options and fully support whatever she decided.

If she wants an abortion and doesn't want her parents to know, and your friend genuinely believes that her dh would disown his daughter, I would go with her and keep it secret.

If she wants to keep the pregnancy and have a child I would support her in telling her parents and be fully prepared to leave dh if he disowned his own child.

This child is asking for help, and its largely her parents fault that she is in this mess IMHO. She needs someone to advocate for her.

This would be my approach too. If then disowning her is likely and not an overreaction I would put her well-being first and seek support with her without telling parents.

Parents may need to be told at a later stage, but I wouldn’t tell them initially.

I would also leave a DH that would disown their child for this (and take SD with me!)

@Blendiful this is the approach she's taking. I'm still a little floored because my friend knows 100% that 🔔end means it.

I never liked him anyway but her confirming that has solidified in my mind that I hope and pray he steps on a rusty nail barefooted every day. And I'm not religious neither do I pray.