Step Daughter Worries

[spencjcb]

Hi all,

I've been worrying for a while about my partners daughter and her weight. She has just turned 8 years old and is currently 10 stone 6 lb. When clothes shopping, these have to be bought from the ladies section in a size 14-16 as childrens do not fit (making the school uniform buying a big pain in the a**).

I have poached the situation with my OH and he agrees that change needs to happen. However, mum is very unapproachable and would twist this on us and accuse us of making accusations of bad parenting. All hell would break loose if I was seen to be 'interfering' although I really just have her best interests at heart and I am so worried when nobody else seems to see the problem.

She only has two meals a week with us and the rest of the week (when we ask what she has eaten) this is all pasta, quick meals, chinese and mcdonalds etc. Also with having scones, fried chocolate wraps, croissants etc for breakfast.
With our meals, I try to follow healthy cereals or fruit for breakfast. If sandwiches for lunch I make sure they contain plenty of salad and then for tea I make sure these meals contain plenty of veggies.
I aim to walk the dog every day and make sure that she comes along to get some exercise as the simple school run is often a struggle with her becoming tired, out of breath and sweating quickly.
We have recently purchased yet another bike but as she is unable to ride one even with stabilisers, this is not very likely to be a contributing factor to losing weight as she ends up walking with said bike! (also the same with scooter).

I need some help and advice please as I am really struggling. I know we only have two nights (three days) but I feel like I'm at a loose end as the other 4 days of the week this is not being followed.
I have considered having a discussion with school, however I am told I can do the drop off but can not discuss things with teachers as this is down to mum and dad (which I understand) and have also considered paying privately for advice from a dietician. Where do I stand on this matter?

Thank you

No child at 8 should be overweight never mind 10stone 8 that's appalling, I'm surprised the doctors haven't been flagged up. Does she do any physical activity?

My EXDSS was similar, 10 stone at age 8. When I mentioned it to my EXDP, he said it was because he was tall (I'm 5'6", and at the time he was at least 6 inches shorter than me) .

The DM used to feed him junk feed at least 2 or 3 times a week, and he didn't do any exercise. EXDP didn't feed him junk, but maybe took him to the park once a month (EOW schedule).

You really can't get more worked up about this kind of thing than the actual parents do. If they're not fussed, you shouldn't waste your time and energy either. Do nothing.

You could speak to school.safeguarding
They can make a decision as to whether it meets threshold to intervene

Both her parents are failing her. I would consider this child abuse.
I’m 30yo and 5 foot 2 and she weighs more than me!

In this instance, it’s a good job she does have a step parent willing to step in because both her mum and dad are clearly not bothered about their child’s health. I would have a serious discussion with your partner about his daughters health, stress how serious and please consider whether this is the man you want to marry.
He may only have her 3 days a week, but she’s 8. There’s no excuse.

My 8 year old is very very average for height and weight and weighs just under 4 stone.

I am 42, 5 foot 6, have a “mummy tummy” and thighs that could definitely stand to lose a few cms. I weigh 10 stone 6.

Jesus, the poor poor child. My heart breaks for her.
I agree with previous posters and see this as child abuse.

I'm 41 and I'm that weight. That's shocking.