Step children and social media

[FlattCatt]

I was just wondering whether you post photos of your step children on social media, and if so, how often?

I've had this from both sides as I am a SM and my DD's have got a SM. I'm happy enough with the stuff my girls SM posted. Though my DD's did have their own issues with that. DP's ex was on a whole other level so I stopped all socials with adult DSS as DP's ex was using their socials to stalk me. DSS did ask her to stop going on his fcebk but was unable to stop her. I didn't like her texting and trying to ruin whatever activity we were doing she was following us so closely. It made it awkward for us all so I withdrew. I'm not the OW & she left DP but never expected him to move on.

Nope. If you looked at my social media you'd have no clue that I have DSC. I post pictures of my DC only.

I've no idea whether their mother would care or not but I don't really see any need for me to share pictures of them so I don't.

Thanks. I don't generally post any of my DSS unless he happens to be in a group/family photo and that's not very often.

I was just wondering as my DD's step mum is constantly plastering my DD all over her social media. Lots of 'my beautiful girl' comments from her.

I'm pleased DD has a step mum who appears to love her but it does seem a little excessive.

(I have mutual friends with my DD's step mum which is how I know about this, I'm not stalking her )

Egh both stepmum and mum here.

I don't post SCD photos because I feel lots not my right and could open a hornets nest and I get on with DH ex. I would ask if she was ok with it before hand that's foe sure

I also as mum get the ick if some one posts photos of my DD just because I'm like I have no idea who follows you and I don't like the thought of my DD photo showing up on some baby porn sites (I work in tech not only have I seen them, but there lots of them) usually people take photos from people's social media and I may have a biased lens but it's a giant nope from me. But I rarely post photos of her either on social media and never show her face so I realise that's more my own issue with social media than anything else.

I do find it a little odd as my DD's step mum refuses to engage with me whatsoever! I'm not even allowed to knock at the door when she is in.

@FlattCatt

I do find it a little odd as my DD's step mum refuses to engage with me whatsoever! I'm not even allowed to knock at the door when she is in.

This is odd. Have you always not got on or has anything happened ?

It could be your ex has tarred your name so much she can't even be civil ? Madness

@candlelightsatdawn No she didn't acknowledge me from the get go. I get on with my ex so I'd be surprised if he had said awful things about me!

I don't post anything of my DSS besides things he happens to be in, like a distant silhouette on the beach type shot.

She sounds quite intense, but I guess if you're not uncomfortable with photos of your DD being on social media then it isn't doing any harm.

@FlattCatt the only other thing I can assume is then on some level there maybe a bit of green eyed monster going on.

Maybe she can't have kids or maybe feels threatened by the good relationship you and ex have, or maybe she's just not a people people person per say so wants to keep lines drawn in sand.

If you get on with the ex I would ask him? To make sure no toes have been stepped on (accidentally or otherwise) he maybe able to help you decide on if it's a you thing or maybe just a personality trait.

She may warm up to you. If the photos don't bother you though I suppose it's moot point, however if it is slightly bothering you on a low key level (the captions - maybe speak to the ex ? If she won't talk ect)

Never really understood the them verse us situations that happen in blended families if there hasn't been anything to spark flames off ect

I'm a step mum and a mum ( but still with DP so no step parents there) and I dont post pics of either boys. This is more to do with my feelings about social media and not liking the fact that kids dont get a say what's posted about them.

DSS mum posts loads of photos about the kids including alot of detail that could be used to find the kids if someone wanted. Sure I'm being over paranoid but it gives me the hebe jebes.

Step mum and my dc have had numerous dads girlfriends.

I don't post dss, he was in video of us all running down a sand dune on holiday but I only post photos of my dc and not a lot at that. My dss loves having his photo taken, I often video him pogo sticking or jumping in the paddling pool, but its not my place to post them on sm.

It doesn't bother me per say that she posts lots of photos of my DD, it's more the fact she writes 'my beautiful girl' under most of them yet completely refuses to engage with me.

@FlattCatt

It doesn't bother me per say that she posts lots of photos of my DD, it's more the fact she writes 'my beautiful girl' under most of them yet completely refuses to engage with me.

I wouldn't see them as connected tbh, she obviously sees herself as connected to your DD through her dad, rather than you.

I can see why the term would make you generally uncomfortable though, it's quite pushy.

Occasionally, but I don't do a huge amount with them - so it might be birthdays or holidays. I honestly don't care what their mum would think about it either, I have no relationship with her and their dad is okay with it, so that's good enough for me.

@FlattCatt

It doesn't bother me per say that she posts lots of photos of my DD, it's more the fact she writes 'my beautiful girl' under most of them yet completely refuses to engage with me.

I think it would be the "my" element that would bother me in the caption but I realise that's more my monkey that anyone else's.

I don't post anything about them I would feel like I was massively overstepping. But I don't post much about my own child.

it's more the fact she writes 'my beautiful girl' under most of them yet complete

Very annoying when you're here and present in your daughter's life. Maybe it's best not to look at her SM.

I think you are making the assumption someone needs to have a positive relationship with you in order to have one with your children which isn’t the case.

I think it’s courteous to get permission when posting photographs on social media. However, that permission could be from your ex and not you.

How old is she? Could you tell your DH you're trying to teach her about using social media so could he make sure they are both using it responsibly and not plastering her face everywhere?

I think it’s courteous to get permission when posting photographs on social media. However, that permission could be from your ex and not you. I would also suggest they ask DD's permission too, especially if she's a bit older.

How old is your DD? Do you know if your ex has given his GF permission?

Despite somehow becoming the person who paid for my XP's children's phone contracts, and having their phone contracts in my name, I received a barrage of abuse from their mum for just having them as friends on SM (I hadn't put any photos of them up on my SM and they had sent me friend requests!) she made me delete them as friends, but didn't tell the kids that, so they were confused when they tried to 'add' me again and I didn't accept. I was still deemed worthy enough to continue to pay their phone contracts though

I have posted the odd thing. Like as part of holiday snaps or once in a blue moon if the picture is particularly funny or something. I have always asked DPs permission and now theirs as they are teens. I wouldn't feel the need to ask their mum if dp had ok'd it as he is their parent. I wouldn't refer to them as "my" girls though. I would feel quite creepy doing that.

My partners children are preteen and I wouldn’t ever post a picture of them. I might feel differently if we had shared children, but we don’t. I know their mum wouldn’t like me posting photos and I respect that. If I take a nice photo with them in I send it to DP so he can share if he wants too. I have printed and framed photos for display at hole. My children don’t see their father and his girlfriend much, if they did I would be happy if she wanted to share pictures of them.

OP I wouldn’t post pictures of my stepchild but that’s just me. I get that some stepparents do but I think it depends on how close the stepparents feel and what the relationship with the other house is like.

Reading your comments that stepmum isn’t amicable and there is a strained relationship there, I think it’s odd she’s posting pictures and those comments. It’s almost like she’s hoping you’ll see and say something? If I were in that situation, as much as it would kill me, I would probably start liking them if they showed up on my feed! “Kill them with kindness”