DC keeps asking me questions about my body

[Habber]

DP has a 6yo boy. DP and his side of the family is like me and mostly on the chunky side 😂. I’m not in my best shape I am aware so maybe sensitive. I’m a size 14/16

DC mum is very very slim.

DP’s child keeps asking me questions like why do I have a big bum. Why do I have big legs. Why do I have lumps on the back of my legs (cellulite) 😭 why do I have a wobbly stomach. I am usually wearing PJ’s when he asks and as it’s warm I have been wearing shorts. If DP hears him ask he will tell him it’s rude, but he will ask me and I honestly do not know what to say? What do I say!

Young children have a crap filter, my husband has arthrogryposis, one of the first times my son met him he asked him why he had horrible arms. After the ask/say nice things etc he started saying things like “your arms are nice and small” or my favourite “your hands like hiding”.

Please don’t take it personally, hes started asking “whats wrong with your face?” i’ve got my first frownline which I tell him and he usually follows up by asking if I’m going to die soon.

I wonder if his mum is a bit obsessed about this topic and focusing on it a lot, doing lots of work to stay slim and maybe commenting about this in general, e.g in phone conversations with her friends hence he’s obsessively curious about this.

To the PP’s telling me about normal stages of child development & saying I was unfair to enquire about OP’s relationship with the DC’s mum… I do get that such comments are normal from kids (I’ve got two of my own so am v used to their personal comments & questions). And am aware how to approach these issues.
But… I was merely suggesting the DM’s influence COULD be a part of things. Seeing things in-the-round. Children pick up on a lot of their parents views about others/weight/etc and sometimes they act as mirrors.

Turns out I wasn’t barking unfairly up the wrong tree as the OP then went on to confirm that the DM does hold quite clear ideas around fatness etc that it sounds like the DC has picked up on.

So, thanks to the posters saying I’m unfair etc but maybe pays to think a little more broadly.

I think a 6 year old could be told not to say this. You might have to explain it's rude to ask these questions!

Mum is naturally slim I don’t think she works at it it’s just her natural physique. It ain’t mine 😂

I totally want him to ask me a question about stuff but at the same time I start feeling really self conscious 😂. He’s known me 18 months and it’s not the first time he’s asked me about basically why my body looks the way it does so I worry that he might be grossed out and already planned to cover up more around him from now on. Boobs and hair and stuff I would understand but he’s always focused on the actual fat bits none of my other features. I did speak to DP about it said look I am not telling tales on him but he’s been asking me a lot of questions about my weight again, DP automatically got annoyed by that and I said that I had said all the stuff about people having different bodies so I think DP is gonna talk to him tonight when I am not there

I think it's reasonable to call a halt to the questions, kindly.
I know children are just honest and have no filters, but it's for parents to guide them in the right way.

My child went through a phase of asking me why I was so fat, she wasn’t learning it from anyone as she never went anywhere 😂 kids pick it up it could be from tv peppa pig etc

Yeah I am leaving it to DP now, he’s got to answer things and not just leave it by saying it’s rude cos it doesn’t stop them wondering.

I don’t know why everyone is saying that it’s normal for a 6 year old to ask someone what they weigh!
At 6 years old my kids never even thought about weight, let alone asking someone about theirs!!

Agree the weight thing doesn’t seem as normal, he’s only 6! DP isn’t slim he doesn’t seem to ask him the same questions. I asked why he wanted to know how much I weigh he said he didn’t know or he wouldn’t explain. I suppose I feel a bit exposed and like a curiosity!

Asking someone about hairy arm pits or hair length etc is what I’d consider normal for 6 years old.

Asking someone specifically what they weigh is really not normal for a child of 6 years old.

I agree with @Bookaholic73.

A few weeks ago DP ex made some funny not funny comment about something DP was wearing. DP told me about it and I was so pissed off about it. She did it in front of the kids it was a real annoying piss take about something he had on, uncalled for. When we maybe being silly with the DC very gently, DC6 doesn’t like it and is a bit sensitive to it but I do worry that there have been comments from mum who has seen me and knows I am FAT 😂. We were asking him about a girl at school who had drawn him a picture and he got all annoyed but we would never comment on someone’s appearance it’s not our nature either me or DP. He is a super clever and curious child but it’s not like I am the only fat person he’s ever seen, DP’s family are more my build so I feel weird it’s focusing on me!

My Dniece (5/6 at the time) used to ask why people she saw out and about, in shops or on the bus had wrinkles. She said it loud enough for them to hear. Dsis whispered that it's because the lady/ladies were Grandmas, then she says (in a loud voice), "but my Grandma doesn't have any wrinkles."

Part of the problem may be the OP's personal sensitivity. If the child were asking repetitive questions something of which the OP was proud or felt particularly successful about , she would quite likely not object to the child's expressed curiosity.

Perhaps while the child is being taught about privacy and appropriate questioning ,the OP might also benefit from some help in becoming comfortable with her own body image. The fact that the OP brings in the ex's body type and makes a somewhat disparaging comment about the ex's slimness not necessarily resulting from any effort on the part of the ex, suggests that she (the OP) is not reluctant to forming judgements about body image and types.

I am not disparaging her slimness how did I say that? She’s naturally slim and she looks great. I am not slim and don’t look as good 😂 she’s also younger than me, my age or weight aren’t her fault and if I don’t like it I should try to lose weight. It would be ridiculous if I blamed any of that on her. we are very different

but she has said to DC that foods can make you fat, so they are aware of fatness in that context and now the child is asking me about my weight and fat areas, unprompted

I do find it strange for a 6 year old to ask how much you weigh. That's really not normal.

I am not disparaging her slimness how did I say that?

I kind of got that from your comments as well tbh. It may not have been intentional, but it came across a tad negative.

BTW I don't consider a size 14/16 to be fat.

Sorry, I suppose it isn’t easy, she is very slim and lovely of course I would like her figure to be honest but it’s down to me.

I just feel weird about it I can’t explain, like there is something off I can’t put my finger on it. Like yeah it did upset me cos It just highlights something I don’t like I’m not blind I know I am not slim, DP isn’t slim, his mum and dad aren’t either so I am not like the fattest person this child has seen (he sees his GP a lot) but maybe he feels sooo comfortable with me he can ask questions he wouldn’t dare ask other people. That’s DP’s theory today 😂

I don't think you're obliged to keep answering personal questions, though.
I would say "last question, then" then change the subject.

Just answer his questions honestly to an age appropriate level of detail.

Hmmmm - my dc's sm is weight obsessed. She's a lovely woman & I've a lot of time for her but this weight/appearance obsession really began to take it's toll on my dd (now 15) and I really had to work on undoing the negative body image my dd was picking up when at her dads.
Fwiw exh is not slim & a lot of dd's upset was based around her sm putting her dads weight down & also her own (the sm's that is). She's a woman who controls her calorie portions & seems to think she'll put on weight if she eats extra & the constant talk of weight was really getting dd & upsetting her & she herself was getting to the point where she'd feel guilty for having a bar of chocolate.
My point is - kids are REALLY receptive to all talk of body image & negative body talk is very detrimental to their well being. Your dss sounds like he's hear a lot of talk around 'Fatness' from somewhere & it is most likely his dm.
Personally I think the dissection of (women's) bodies will only stop if WE reframe it as something that isn't the important thing about a person & doesn't really need to be discussed.
Imo 6 is not to young to be told that everyone's different, some people are smaller/bigger than others & that this happens for lots of reasons including genetics & sometimes illnesses but that at the end of the day bodies are personal, no one else's business, & it's rude to keep passing comment on them!
Asking someone's weight is rude no matter what age you are & it's not a question a 6 year old formulates alone.

A 6 year old who spends any time watching television is certainly privy to much talk and discussion about body imagery and body types. The advertisement alone for exercise equipment , exercise programs, the physical appearance of the men and women promoting those products send a not very subtle message about the importance and value of certain types of images.

Even a perceptive 6 year old can get the message. If the mom is particular about food types she may be instructing her child about the connection between food consumption and health and weight.

The child may just be observing and questioning. Children observe skin color differences, hair color differences, height differences, mobility differences among people and at various times may ask questions about all of these things. Continued questioning may just be an indicator that as yet an explanation has not been provided that sufficiently answers the question that the child is actually asking.

@Habber

Thanks ok he just asked me how much I weigh after asking why I had lumpy legs so I said I didn’t know but also said that everyone was different shapes for different reasons. He said he had seen a man with stretchmarks so also interested in that but he said is being fat bad? Are you fat? I am like 🤦‍♀️

My DC have asked me questions like these and the ones in your OP. Its curiosity not nasty, so I answer matter of factly. When they've asked me if I'm fat I remind them people can find that word very hurtful, better to say overweight and yes I am overweight. It usually ends there.

Young children can make very bald comments, they're curious about everything, but it's in no way malicious. I've also been asked by my DC why my boobs are small, why I'm short, why is one DC a lot bigger then the other. Why is a bum and tummy so big? I'm sure I'm missing some. I talk about how even before you're born your body has all the information like how tall you'll grow if you'll have a strong build or a slimmer one, how fast your hair and nails grow.

They're endlessly curious. It's a very innocent, unloaded curiosity. If they keep asking it's fine to say I've already answered that and my answer hasn't changed.

I know he’s not being nasty I have no bad feelings against the little boy

They don’t watch much TV at all either

It might be nothing to do with the mum though to be fair, people are making assumptions, this could come from friends at school, or even any food teaching at school. I think it’s wrong to assume it’s the mum.